This is a bad reason. You are letting fear control you. If you are truly a Christian, then this fear tactic would be a tactic of the devil himself.
Many people wish they were never born; I was one of them. Life sucks for many. U have to fight through and free yourself through meditation. It doesn’t matter is you’re a Christian or not.
Don’t be ashamed of fapping. If God made us horny, it is not our fault.