Lucifer is a tricky one, he can come as many different forms. You cant get the light without out being illuminated through the darkness. He is many things but mostly a angel that has perfected balance. Fear can stimulate the senses but can also be roaddblock when tryin to achieve that state of rapture. Dont not go to a high ranking demon and ask to show you if it’s real. Big mistake I’ve made in the very beginning
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Thanks everyone for the information. I appreciate the help. I wasnt expecting anyone to reply lol. I’ve been doing research but I’ve been all over the place. I want to balance the light and the darkness. I feel as if I need both in my life to obtain my fullness of myself if that makes since.
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Your instincts imo are quite right on there. A merely left or right hand path magician is precisely half a magician 
“My adepts stand upright; their heads above the Heavens, their feet below the Hells.”
- Aleister Crowley
It makes perfect sense.
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My advice to you is to start training in a legit magickal system to awaken and refine your astral senses, and then call archangel michael himself up in evocation and ask him who the christian god really is.
You may be surprised what he tells you.
After you get your answers from the horses mouth so to speak, then I suggest you ask Michael what is allowed and what isn’t, the concept of hell, damnation etc,.
Also if you’re that scared and unsure of demon magick, then by all means work with the angels for the time being until something changes your mind.
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