It’s like I’m channelling this whole other entity but in reality I’m not. I’m living with another sentient being in my head who acts like the opposite of me. I say in my head “I’m going to grab a coffee” and I hear “I don’t like coffee”
I’ll take another example from fiction. It’s like the Celestialsapiens in Ben 10. They have two consciousness’ who always fight and argue and have to agree on something before they can get anything done to change the universe.
There’s my conscious mind, always active and I hear it quite vividly and then there’s the tulpa’s voice just as loud and just as clear. I say one thing and he says the other
I must also say Tulpas are to be respected and treated to the same regard you would treat yourself, deities, demons ,angels etc
Tulpas are living sentient thoughts. As such if you treat them like they are your pet or some magic experiment, due to their free will they will remind you that they exist and dependant on how you have crafter their personality, they can and will fuck with your mind. They don’t exist separate from your mind. Your mind is like a house. You own the house and you have a room mate who helps to pay the mortgage with you.
Snakes are a symbol of rebirth and transformation. The snake biting you and you killing the snake could be symbols of killing your past or putting your past behind you. Therefore, a snake could be a new lifestyle or choice or a new phase in your life will begin that you are passionate about.
The vision and image of the white robed woman and snake, white being symbolic of purity, health, healing and knowledge. Heal yourself first, then seek knowledge to a new path and directions.
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Thanks for the further clarity. That’s part of why I created this journal. To help heal myself and find more about what makes me tick rather than focusing on wordly issues around me
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To find the roots of the pain I must go back-all the way back. My next meditation for today is a past life regression. I will list everything I see after. So far my recollection of past lives is simple. There is the godself, Khonsu/Mani, there is me as a daughter of a chieftain, me as a child fleeing deeper into Asia after Atilla the Hun killed my family and lastly, there is me as an English nobleman.
Now I dwell deeper, find out more from my past lives, my past incarnations. I know all too well that this may be my last mortal incarnation. It’s a feeling, a hunch almost.
Shortly after, I will do energy work. It must be done for all my energies have become stagnant as a result of my secular mindset
The earliest point
A forest, I’m one with nature. I drink from a pond on the floor of a forest. It’s green and lush and I look up and am greeted by severeal deer. The buck nuzzles me as if I am his own but I am human. Birds tweet and sing and I am wearing a crown. Almost like a crown of thorns but not in the crucifix kind of way. and following all of that. I travel further down this timeline and what I see is that the forest has been burned down to a crisp. Nothing remains. All that’s left is a single plant.
“What is my soul purpose?”
To rejoice in life. No matter how dark a moment is, rejoice because life changes and adapts. The forest may have been burnt down but it regrows, grass filling the charred remains of the trees on the ground. The plant grows into a strong tree again.
“When we are at our lowest point we are open to the greatest change”
My soul purpose isn’t to find love as I’ve been trying-love will come to me. My soul purpose is to become strong. With each life, I grew stronger. I overcame obstacles, adapted, overcame my boundaries and pushed myself to the absolute limits. Subconsciously, I was aware of this but now, my conscious mind is aware. I must constantly push myself to the next limit. If I fail? Rejoice in that failure! At least I made an attempt and I will overcome it as the next obstacle comes into my life. That is who I am.
That is who Mani is
You have to take the bad with the good
Remember in this life knowledge is at a finger tip and can easily be spread and shared with the masses. That is why I love this time period, that and running water. 
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I would like to thank everyone on this forum help me on my path. I continue to use this forum because of the people here. They’re nice enough to give a helping hand to a beginner and to for the most part, take everyone’s issues and problems seriously.
It’s been almost a year now since I joined(Joined December 2018) and I’d like to share how I adapted in this life.
From 2017-August 2018 I was a Christian. A friend online started talking to me about the occult because of my “demon problems” and at this time we were total strangers. Now, I fucked up with my grades. I only passed one of my subjects that semester because the subject I was studying were once I was forced into by my guidance councillor that day. They wanted me to be like everyone else. Someone stuck in an office job, thinking I could get life skills from studying the public sector and tourism sector which isn’t where I wanted to go.
The only light I had that year was my Film studies course. But that’s a story for another day. What I want to talk about is the beginning of my path.
It was October, the very beginning. My friends in real life still thought I was a Christian. I informed them I left the religion for something new; Norse Paganism. I learnt all about the runes, used runes for astral travel and astral work and I even had a rune stone on me for protection. Then, I kept getting made fun of for being a Norse Pagan. I never retorted back by saying “fine I’ll be Christian again”. I defended myself and my actions just to constantly get told I was in a cult. At one point one of them even looked up the location to a mental hospital and told me “this is where you belong”
IT kept getting worse and worse as they kept spiting me for it all. I cut contacts with them. Last thing I got them to do, was to buy me a beer on our leavers. BEcause I was allowed to go even though I’m repeating a school year.
Now, my life has gotten better.
“We all change when you think about it, we’re all different people all throughout our lives and that’s good. Change is good so long as you remember all the people you used to be”
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It’s time I realise that. My soul purpose is not what I thought it was but that’s okay that’s good so long as I remember all the things I used to be.
Another day for another meditation. The future awaits dear Mani
The BALG Forum has helped me find out a lot about myself. It has allowed me to figure out my own gnosis. Things I never would’ve learnt in my Christian days
The exercise I do before meditations are simple. I do a few Qi-gong exercises on each side of the body to allow the blood to flow better and to make my body feel nice and relaxed before I begin the meditation. It also allows me to focus on my breath as to enter trance better
Day two with the Tulpa: my expeirences are becoming uniquely different. Jiub as he’s been come to known as(he chose the name likely because when I had created him the images of Jiub, Skyrim, Morrowind came to mind). It’s kind of like a split personality yet also not. A voice in my head says “I’m going to kill myself” yet I’m not suicidal and Jiub says “Don’t kill yourself”. It’s kinda weird. I guess my previous tulpa was never completely finished. He was based off of Hichigo from Bleach.
There is a presence over my shoulder as if he is looking over trying to see the same world around me. A Tulpa is not a Servitor and vice versa; similar but different. Servitors are created as a binary creation to achieve a certain desire. Tulpa’s while similar is like creating your own soul. An entity that is as aware as you are and not binary like a servitor
It’s also almost like a possession or forcive channelling when talking to him