So me and my ex have been back in contact for about a month ago, and we’ve been heavily flirting, reminiscing about the past and overall just talking nonstop.
I lightly confronted him yesterday night about us getting back together (not in an accusatory way, just as let’s do this) and he basically told me that he was certain that a ldr relationship wasn’t gonna work as I am “incredibly far” from him (his words, we live in two different continents). I told him that I think he never really got over me and dated other girls as way to forget and because it was convenient at the time which he said was true.
Throughout our entire conversation, he basically told me that really the distance was the only issue but that he truly wanted me. He also emphasized on the fact that he doesn’t plan on dating anyone else or have sex with anyone else.
I also want to point out that our relationship was not toxic and ended because of external factors. He even told him himself yesterday that he only has good memories about us and only good feelings towards me.
What should I do to help him see that our relationship is doable and that ldr are not as horrible as they seem and of course that situation won’t be permanent?
I was thinking of maybe removing mental blockages for him, I don’t know if that would work tho.
Find out why he doesn’t want long distance. Is it because he wants a mother who’s actually present for the kids? What are his long term desires and values?
Well, from what I gathered he said he thinks it is bound to fail, he says he doesn’t want to feel like he is dating his phone and from personal perspective (I’ve always been really good at reading him specifically) I think he is scared, scared of how long it will take for us to be united for good, the pain of not being with the person you love.
Well, if that’s really what you want, no regrets, you can make a “sweetener” for him, you can use a clay jar or a coconut shell without the fruit, you put his photo inside, you can also put a photo of you together or some souvenir of him such as a piece of clothing, hair or nails, fill with honey, cloves, cinnamon, star anise to the top, place a red candle in the center, then take the seal of the daemon sitri, chant your enn 3x light the candle and chant the enn plus 14x and ask sitri for this union and your desires, let the candle burn completely and then bury it in a place that will never be seen or remembered.
Has any practical planning come up in conversation of how you could be together? Most countries have vacation visas at a minimum, and provisions for married couples to be together. So, if you both know its for the long term, has he said something like “just come here and we’ll work it out” or vice versa or any talk about visas at all?
I mean, to me this doesn’t sound like fear. It sounds like a guy who knows what his needs are and that this does not meet his needs. Guys need a warm body and it’ just not the same on the phone. He’s being very polite about it is what I see.
I agree, Sitri is a well rounded being in his own right, and can do anything a powerful enlightened being wants to do, and in my experience he can show a site that is kind and personable. It rather felt like whoever wrote the older grimoires was really cherry picking and maybe projecting a bit what he wanted to see.
I would caveat here, that it seems attraction isn’t the issue. There’s a disconnect in ability to meet stated needs, and the OP wants to change his mind on what his wider life path needs are, not just attract him.
Changing someone’s mind on LDR, even with magick, is extremely difficult, especially if a relationship existed prior but ended due to the strain of said distance. If there are any other obstacles they have — and I’m not discouraging anyone from trying to change things — good luck when it’s that much of an uphill battle.
Using magick to remove any obstacles on one’s end can be extremely potent though. Whether the obstacles are finances, having the courage to move somewhere unknown, getting a visa, whatever it is, that is much easier and faster to effect when directed towards oneself.
There is the baggage of him already trying to move on to deal with. If someone wanted to go the love spell route, probably best to petition for rethinking, keeping attraction alive, but otherwise the bulk of the magick needs to be directed elsewhere.
Before our break up he was actually extremely motivated about me coming to his country and us getting married. I think he might have lost hope after we broke up, almost as if we were not lucky
What if you were able to move to his city off your own independent efforts, like land a sponsor for a job and relocate? Then if it does go wrong you will still be ok and not in a difficult position, and he doesn’t have the pressure or the question of whether you can get there.
For that workings with Clauneck, Ant’harratru, Paimon are good.
I just want to say that our initial relationship did not end because of distance, but rather complications with his job. Before said complications came into the picture, long distance was very much obvious for the both of us without any hesitation.
And to add to the last paragraph, he has tried to move on and failed miserably, he said it himself that the relationships he was during our break up were pretty much an attempt to distract himself from the thoughts of me. He told me that the only thing making him not ask me to get back together is purely the distance. He also told me that he’s not trying to date or have sex with anyone else, while talking to me daily, so I think the idea of moving on for him is out of the picture.
One thing about him is that he has never been disrespectful or dismissive about my feeling so him being polite and apologetic is expected in our “relationship”
Honestly, from what I’ve read so far, you should have an oracular consultation to see if this relationship is going to move forward, because my intuition tells me that he is lying about other women and that you can just be a relief for lonely moments, ( remembering!! it was an intuition I had, not that this could be true) but have you ever thought about it?
Sometimes this is so important, so profound that even though we feel the danger, we blindly believe everything we are told in the hope that they are just silly and insecure thoughts, and this can make the fall even more painful.
I put “relationship” in quotes as we are not officially back together. And no, he is the very honest type, as soon as he tried dating again after we broke up, he told me, so I know for a fact he is not seeing other women. Also, my intuition towards him has always been extremely on point, I can read him like an open book and that’s always been the case for us.
I want to post a little update : he has told me the reason why he is not willing to date again, turns out it was all excuses (which I did find weird as he was never scared of LDR before) but as we were broken up, he ended dating someone who was both physically and mentally abusive to him, he wants to heal before being starting to date again. And although it saddens me, I completely understand his point and congratulate him for getting out of a toxic relationship, I also told him that if he needs to speak to anyone, I am here for him.
