Yes this is what I’m talking about, I felt exactly like on an Xtacy pill (extasy). I called it “extasy” because I thought “Xtacy” or “xtc” was the junkie therm, wasn’t sure everyone would understand ^^
I will speak for myself and not for others users, so maybe some people won’t totally agree with me.
It’s hard to describe because the effects are physical obviously, but this is very familiar with what you experience in spiritual worlds, like pure strong energy. You take the pill, everything is normal for 30min and then you feel your soul brutally awakening in your body. I always have a bit of adrenaline when I take a pill because it’s so strong that while it’s climbing I’m always like “I can’t handle more I can’t handle more”, and you HAVE to let it go, it forces you to accept to lose control, or you will be violently crushed in stress and oppression.
The feeling is exactly like I said above, when you’re too much in love and excited that the feeling starts to reverse and turn like a crushing anxiety. Xtacy will crush you until you let go. And then, when you take your deep breath and let it happen, it’s like a spiritual explosion, aaand… well, you’re tripping balls and I don’t have to get there for this message
So the feeling I had was exactly this climbing extasy. Everything normal, and then a brutal “oh my, oh my, it’s happening”, cold sweat, heavy heart beating, adrenaline, the crushing. The differences were that with Xtacy, I handle it, I try to relax and let go, I open myself to receive the divine trip lol. Because I know I took a pill, I’m in the right conditions to get high, I wanted it, it’s just the common procedure.
But yesterday, I didn’t took any pill, I was concentrated on my work, and it happened just like this, without my freewill. So, it felt like an agression. A pleasant one because again, it’s not a bad feeling, it’s rather good actually, it’s just it’s too much. Too much good :p, the feeling is too uninhibited, it’s hard to bear. You know, when you’re happy or having a good time, the emotion is pretty light, you’re just happy, you just enjoy it. At the contrary, the sorrow, the emotional pain, can be very very loud, right ? you can’t stop it, it’s hard to breathe, there are some griefs that makes you think you could die from your sorrow.
Well, xtacy combines your light happiness with the violence of your worst emotional pains. It makes you think you could die from that happiness ^^. That’s why I say it’s a violent drug. Amazing, but you have to bear it.
And also because I almost died of it the first time I tried haha. I liked it too much, there was no bad side, I took another and another, aaaaand I had an overdose lol. Near death experience and everything, kicked out from my body and couldn’t get back in, got lost and stuck in the edges of the low astral world for a few hours. No regrets it was quite instructive haha.
So yesterday I didn’t let it happen, I was disconcerted for an instant, then I tried to analyze it, tried to feel if it was “local” like if someone/something was here, I tried to see and sense something, but when it became too overwhelming, I “defended” myself, I gathered my strenghts and blocked it.
My activity had nothing to do with spirituality or magick. I’m a free-lancer illustrator, I was just editing my last drawings on my laptop, my mind was fully committed to Photoshop. It’s very material you just try to clean imperfections and make it look good for the web, it’s not even creativity at this point.
But I know what it is now, I’ll explain in a moment in an other message, I’ll still need some enlightings about it