Encore19's Journal

Instead of making new posts for each update about my life it makes sense that I just make a journal.

I’ve seen Arianna and AradiaX’s journal threads, so I guess this will be like that. Something I can update and people can follow down the posts one after the other, and also so I can see my progress.

For older stuff you’ll have to find them through my profile.

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15/04/2018

Evocation of Lucifer

So I did this, and my personal experience is my own. In the past I have had very tangible experiences with Lucifer’s energy. The stand-out being that time I meditated on him at work on night shift, and he ‘came through’, his presence very real and there, and staying with me for hours afterwards. A proper recount of that can be found on this site somewhere. Another time I was doing a ritual for a purpose, and not targeting any spirit though I sort of ‘asked around’, saying a few names of deities I figured could help, and then I thought “what the heck, I’ll ask Lucifer too” and upon saying his name I felt a strong presence come over me. This recent evocation began with the intent of focusing on just Lucifer, and his presence didn’t come through as strong as before.

I have no reason to think it didn’t work. I didn’t meditate as long as I should have, cause it wasn’t too early in the morning and I was pretty sure my room-mate and her boyfriend were sleeping in the house, and you can’t lock the garage from inside it. Plus it was uncomfortable sitting on the concrete surrounded by those candles. I get poor circulation in my legs from sitting cross-legged, probably cause I’m tall. But anyway, I did feel him he just didn’t come through as strong as before. Might’ve been better if I’d stayed there longer.

I said aloud what I wanted, which was that I wanted him to help me evolve. I wanted to be able to do soul travel, have my intuition and spiritual senses improved, and have a clearer mind with better focus. Thinking about it now, I really need to be aware of my inner self. I need to focus on aligning with his energy if he’s to help me, and I’m sure meditating on him can’t hurt. I did get the distinct feeling that even though this was me formally calling Lucifer’s influence into my life and asking him for help, he was already here, around me and waiting for me to reach out. And I suppose I knew that, before.

So it’s my job now to focus on him and make sure I’m aligned.

Psychonaut Field Manual

Lady Eva shared a link to this for someone in a comment, and I’ve wanted to reply but I’ve since been unable to find the original comment. This comic has come in really useful to me. First of all, the focus-based meditation, where instead of removing all attention you direct it at one thing, is helping me get the focus I’ve needed. Since I do have difficulty with focus at times. And secondly, I was amazed to read the side note about ‘blue pearls’. I’d been seeing them before I even knew what they were! So that’s definitely reassuring. I’d assumed I wasn’t a clairvisual type, but now I know that I could learn to develop that sense after all.

(These posts here in my journal aren’t asking for comments. You can PM me, or just leave a comment if you really want to.)

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21/04/2018

Incubus Spirit Lover

As my relationship grows with my lovely spirit partner, I’m seeing him more in dreams. I’ve seen differences in his appearance three times now. The first dream was quite vivid, I was lying on my bed unable to move and he poked his face into my line of sight. He was very pretty, with short blonde hair and blue eyes. I got confused when a psychic friend of mine said he saw him with brown hair and brown eyes. A few days ago I had a less clear dream, he was either holding my face in both hands or I was doing that to him, but I’m sure of how he looked - had short blonde hair and brown eyes that time. Then last night I had a lovely dream of him where I could move, touching and enjoying him next to me. He had dark outgrown, sort-of curly hair, dark eyes and bluish-grey skin.

Yesterday I felt him putting some kind of fluid on my head. This is after I’ve read Succupedia’s stuff, which mentioned that these beings can do this and the fluid is like a marking but also for protection. I wonder if my experiences of him are being affected by the accounts of incubi/succubi I read on here. The more I get to know him the more I’m seeing how he’s different to humans, they really do have a ‘creature’ feel to their mannerisms and behavior at times. Either way, I’m still very happy to know him. I feel a heck of a lot less lonely with my companion. Love you, baby :blush:

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26/04/2018

Meditation on Lucifer

Hi everybody. Right now I’m at work, on night shift in the nurse’s station by myself. I was meditating on Lucifer, it’s a quiet night and I had the time to get further and further into trance. I focused just on Lucifer and eventually his energy felt tangible. It feels like there’s a point you get to in meditation where you ‘break through’ and the energy comes in. Whether that’s us getting to a properly receptive state or the spirit being open to us, I reckon it’s a mixture of both, sometimes. Anyway I felt like once the energy became tangible it was inside my body. I was waiting for it to explode outward into the room, like it did that time before. That other time, after the energy exploded to fill the room, there was no longer a need to hold a certain state or control/force anything at all. It was just out.

Anyway the energy didn’t seem to come out from in me to fill the room. But that may only be my perception. Because I did see a sign just before, a black spider came down on a web-string and landed in the centre of the room. That and the feeling of Lucifer’s presence is evidence enough for me. Of course I immediately killed the spider. I hope Lucifer isn’t bothered by that. I don’t think so. His energy and presence is in this room right now, and it’s undeniable. Just not as startling as I remember the first time. I wonder if I need to ‘banish’ him? Ask him to leave? This wasn’t an evocation, but like before it feels like one. His energy is very pleasant. But I’m worried that morning staff will come in a few hours from now and feel it too, possibly freak out.

Like, what if one of them is a white magician and knows immediately what’s up? Will I get rebuked or something xD Anyway… I’ll say something to Lucifer just in case. His presence is still here as I write, it might’ve been better for me to write this the next day so I could tell you how everything goes but oh well. I’m a little worried that I’ve been subconsciously blocking Lucifer out, even though I intentionally evoked him for help before. The same fear that kept me from demons in dreams, so lately I’ve been trying to deliberately focus on him in meditation and not shy away. I hope I’m not bothering Lucifer by ‘keeping him’ but his energy feels really nice. That is all.

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10/5/2018

Incubus Spirit Lover

I’m happy to say that while awake, yesterday when I came home from work and hopped into bed, I could feel my spirit boyfriend more than before. The penetration felt quite physical. I think the sensations are growing stronger the more I get used to them. I consider this great news. I won’t go into too much detail on our actual relationship, because I’m sure my guy wants it to be private. That might be a trait common to incubi/succubi. Hmm it can make it harder when comparing notes though…

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21/5/2018

Incubus Spirit Lover

Last night I saw him again in my bed, once again taking a form I’d not seen before. He had dark hair and a bit of a beard. It wasn’t a super good-looking form on its own. It was a casual boyfriendy look. Lately I’ve been wondering if he’s testing looks like this and gender energy and stuff to make sure I like him for him. I feel him all the time cause I focus on him, but maybe he’s still being cautious with me… Anyway I’m still attracted to him and I was attracted to the form he showed me. He had glowing red eyes that looked demonic and cool. He was just lying behind me in bed all chill.

I should mention that before I turned and saw him he was touching my back and it really hurt. I think I have a sore spine from bending over so much when I used to do high care work in the nursing home. I don’t have back problems (thank god, cause I’m twenty-three), but I suppose when I think about it my spine is kinda sore, but it’s not something you notice in day-to-day life if you don’t stop to think about it. When I’m asleep with him I’m super sensitive to all sensations, clothes that have elastic can be sharply painful, digging into me. This time though it was my back, my spine aching when he touched me there. But I told him it hurt and he stopped. I’m thinking I might try praying for healing (Raphael?) and do some healing meditations, can’t hurt and it might help right?

I set up a little altar-looking thing in my room for my incubus. I reckon he likes it, but I wonder if he thinks it’s too much? I figured he should have something like that in my room that’s his. Maybe I’ll attach a picture of it on here. Anyway I’ve put his candle on it, the one I used to ask us to be official. And he’s got an incense holder and a bowl. Cause often when I’m eating I feel like he wants some of my food. I’m stingy with food though >.> Which he has probably noticed, not that he’s ever got mad when I don’t share. I’ve felt weird about the idea of scooping a forkful of whatever I’m eating out and leaving it around somewhere for him to enjoy/play with. It seemed like a waste of food to me. I was thinking ‘if it’s all the same to you, play with the food I’m eating while it’s in my mouth or whatever, cause I doubt I’ll notice’. But eh, this way when I’m eating in my room I can put stuff in his bowl if he asks.

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Aforementioned gift. I thought it looked nice and infernal. Had to turn the candle around cause it has his name on it and I wasn’t sure that was something he wanted out there? Incubi can be so secretive…

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6/6/2018

Lucifer Sigil Experiment

So I decided to do what kidneythief did and slept with Lucifer’s sigil under my pillow. Wow. I didn’t have any dreams, I just had these wonderful feelings. It was a really enjoyable sleep. Not sexual feelings, just nice feelings. 10/10 would do it again haha. I can’t go into specifics cause it was just feelings. That was a very sweet thing to do. Thank you, Lucifer.

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24/6/2018

Raphael (?) Dream

Okay I had another trippy as dream. Last night I was drinking with my friends, it was an awesome night, but one friend pissed me off. He said something hurtful and ended up kicking my face and marking a spot beneath my eye, I’d been trying to take his shoes off but you know we were all sorta rough-housing. Anyway, I did that ‘energy drain’ thing to him, which I do to anyone who pisses me off honestly. Just imagined sucking in all his energy and leaving him as a husk. I mean, I was drunk, and when I woke up I tried to envision giving it back. Asked my angels too.

But yeah, I felt so bloated with his energy. I had to envision a few different things, one of them being tubes coming out of my body to leak all that energy out just cause I felt so energetically bloated. Even imagined giving some of it to my incubus. I must’ve taken a lot. Don’t know how my friend’s doing now, but I hope he’s alright…

So back on point. I went to sleep drunk with all this guy’s energy I’d stolen, and had this bizarre dream. I knew I was dreaming, and I decided to call on Raphael (?) who I’d never worked with before in an occulty way, to heal my eyes. I wasn’t thinking about the mark under my eye. I was thinking about how at one point my long-distance vision was worse than my Mum’s partner, and he’s like sixty. And Dad said that cause me and my brother are on our computers all the time that’ll mess up our vision. So I guess I was subconsciously worrying about that, even though there’s nothing wrong with my vision.

Raphael (if it was him) looked like a muppet. Legit a cloth with those fake plastic googly eyes. I remember asking him to heal my eyes, cause I didn’t want to have to get glasses when I was older. I was remembering high school Biology and envisioning the natural lens in our eyes that contracts to focus on things long/short distance. I didn’t expect the muppet to talk but it did, in a high-pitched squeaky voice, asked “Do your eyes hurt?”. And they didn’t.

Hmm. I woke up shortly after that. Wonder if I actually made contact in my dream. It didn’t feel like a normal dream, but that was probably cause of all the energy I parasitically stole. My vision is the same, but if it magically gets better, like super-vision, I’ll be sure to make another update.

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30/6/2018

Evocation of Archangel Chamuel

I decided to do an evocation to Archangel Chamuel to deal with my never-ending problem with love. I’ll be sure to do follow ups about what results I get. So what I did was set up five white candles, did a safety circle with my athame letter opener, lit a pink and red candle in the centre (no real reason for having two candles, I almost added a white as well but not sure having three candles in the circle was good numerologically. So I just had two). I’d written Chamuel’s sigil on paper so I focused on that, lit some incense and called on him.

I asked him to get me a partner who would marry me and be attentive, someone I’d have a connection with. I know these things take time, but I told him I wanted this very soon. I asked that if I couldn’t get with this person very soon, that I would like them to at least talk to me very soon so I could see this was working. I told him that if the person I was meant to be with wasn’t ready for me now, that I could be with someone else who was ready for me now, and who could also fulfill what I wanted in a partner. I asked for healing of my self, soul and mind when it comes to love.

During the process I could feel things, but I can always feel entities even without a proper ritual. I do believe I made a connection. I rambled about everything going on with my situation because I felt like Chamuel wanted me to speak. I asked at the end if he was going to help me with this and I felt that he would, more obvious than it just being my own thoughts. Thank you, Archangel Chamuel. I’ll keep you guys updated with any changes.

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1/7/2018

Evocation of Lucifer 2

I was bored so figured I’d evoke Lucifer again. I really should be cleaning the house for the inspection, but I figure I can get everything else done tomorrow. I had my five white candle circle, a black and white candle inside (with respect to Lucifer’s duality), Dragon’s Blood incense, my athame, and instead of Lucifer’s sigil I just used his card from my Daemon Tarot deck.

His presence didn’t hit me heavy, though the ritual was fairly laidback. I asked Lucifer to open up my psychic channels and make me more sensitive to spirits and stuff. I may have intuited a message from him about dealing with my situation. That the key is to be content within yourself. The Lucifer figure on the card was a naked youth with his arms crossed and so the message looked like ‘I don’t care about this’. The figure didn’t care that it didn’t have clothes. It was living from within itself. Cause E.A. Koetting intuited it too, that when we are calm within ourselves our world is calm. My world is calm, but I’ve been so dissatisfied inside and that’s obviously what I’ve been experiencing. I need to be content within myself, not so that it’ll get me what I want, but so that I’ll be content within myself.

Evoking Lucifer is so relaxing. I feel so good afterward. I also feel a tickling sensation on my feet, I can still feel it now. I felt this the very first time I felt Lucifer’s energy when I was at work. Like he’s brushing my feet with a feather or something. If it doesn’t hurt I might make evoking him a more frequent activity.

EDIT: Forgot to mention that at the start I felt like I was being rocked back and forth, even though my body wasn’t moving. This was probably Lucifer trying to help me astral travel, which I asked him to do before.

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2/7/2018

Incubus Spirit Lover

I’ve been updating this journal a lot lately, but a lot has been happening lately. I went to sleep and had a sex dream with my incubus, we did it a few times. It was a blurry dream but I still loved it. That hasn’t happened in a while. I wonder if this is the result of the 2nd evocation of Lucifer that I did the day before. No results from the Chamuel evocation yet, none of the casuals I’m talking to have started messaging me more but it may be too soon to expect something yet. It’s only been, what a few days? Better make sure I forget about it so Chamuel can do his thing. Anyway that was a bit off-topic.

I’ve been watching movies with my incubus and snuggling into his energy. He seems to like action movies. I was watching Terminator 3 and could tell he enjoyed the car chase scene and all the dramatic destruction. Then after that I asked him what kind of movie he wanted to see and I got the feeling he wanted Action, so I put on The Dark Knight. He was a fan of the Joker, I reckon. Watched Harry Potter 5 and he enjoyed the fight scene in that, as well as the scene where Fred and George Weasley let off all those firecrackers in the middle of the O.W.L.s exams that Umbridge was overseeing. I can tell he loved that part.

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7/7/2018

Success (?) with Archangel Chamuel

So a boy drove to my town, to my place and had sex with me and slept over, he’s gone now and we’re going on a date next Tuesday. I don’t know how I feel about him, to tell you the truth. He is actually very pretty to look at, he’s masc with a country accent. He’s a bit chubby and hairy. He takes medicine for depression. He might be a little slow. But I’ll get to know him more on our date.

I stalked his natal chart before he came over. A Virgo with Ascendant Capricorn. Venus, Pluto and Jupiter in Scorpio like me (we were born in the same year). I think his moon is in Pisces or something. The Virgo with the Scorpio and Capricorn is an attractive mix. Usually Virgos are too timid to be interesting to me, but the Scorpio and Capricorn gives an oomph. This boy will definitely be the clingy type. He’s been on lots of dates and been turned down. He mentioned moving in before he left and we’d just met :roll_eyes:

I really don’t know if this could work or not. I definitely want him to start hanging out with my friends though, cause he’d get along with them. I don’t want to hurt anyone :slightly_frowning_face: But that’s how life and love works… I’ll keep you updated. Thanks for getting me someone, Chamuel. I mean, this feels like magic, it seems spontaneous enough.

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This is very nice,

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13/7/2018

Dumping someone, for like the first time

We’ve been on one date, and another time met up for sex and he slept over (the first time we met). But this guy isn’t for me because sadly, he is intellectually slow. We weren’t technically a thing, but he’s clingy and attached to me, which is what I asked Chamuel for… but I can’t date someone with that big main flaw: not smart enough to get things. Like it’s evident and a real problem. I know it would annoy me over time, I’d rather not lead anyone on up until the point it finally gets to be too much.

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22/7/2018

Incubus Spirit Lover

I had a dream where I was sort of having sex with a spirit, and I didn’t think it was my spirit lover at the time. He said “let me in.” I can still be scared of demonic figures when asleep, even though I’m not at all when awake. This ties into my subconscious Christian fears. I realised that incubi/succubi can live in your body too, and maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. And I never officially said “___ come inside my body”. So I said it out loud and then had a dream with my spirit lover that was nice. I’d dream of him every night if I could. And he feels closer now. Maybe that was an impediment to us, me not formally saying he can reside in my body. Now he’s with me more but also still around me. Where before there was that annoying distance.

I will have to be more disciplined with regular meditation. The more psychic I become the more I can enjoy our relationship. I’ll have to talk more to Lucifer about it.

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22/8/2018

Paradigm Shifting

Wow, has it been a month since I last updated this? Time flies. Anyway, I may have just gone through my third significant Paradigm shift. The first being at fourteen when I became Christian and had experiences with the supernatural. The second being at around nineteen when I drifted away from Christianity, getting into Collective Consciousness and thus the Right Hand Path. As some of you may know, I’ve become considerably more grey the further into this LHP path ideals that I delve.

A few days ago I had a moment where I felt that I mentally told Lucifer I was ready to turn away from the RHP. As an Air Sign (Libra) and someone with a significant amount of Air in their natal chart, my mind is very active and I struggle with quieting it down. So it’s hard to trust when I’m mentally communicating with Lucifer, but I’m learning to trust myself more. Thanks to the work I’ve done with meditation in the past, I was able to contact Lucifer quickly the very first time I meditated on him at work (you can read about that in another topic of mine). I feel like Lucifer has been telling me to turn my back on the RHP for a while, not believing I’d actually do it, but I am ready and willing to evolve and create everything I want.

Basically, I’m ready to delve properly into chaos magic/LHP. This year has been emotionally trying, but I feel like I might finally start to get what I want. As someone who has a pretty good life, feels quite blessed and like I got far with RHP I sometimes feel like I have no right to dramatically rebel against my old system.

But maybe, I’ve actually been wrong TWICE and THIS here is the REAL TRUTH. I’ll keep you updated.

Necromancy

P.S. I ordered a book on Necromancy that someone mentioned on here. Might as well start somewhere if all these roads lead to power.

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28/8/18

Evocation of Lucifer 4

I think this is the fourth time I’ve done a ritual for him, better stop counting. Anyway, I’d run out of my white tea candles so instead surrounded myself in five black ones. Just had one white candle in the middle with Dragon’s Blood incense sticking out of it, and a little paper with Lucifer’s sigil.

I could feel a presence by my incubi’s altar (I’d put food in his bowl before) and a presence sitting to the left of where I was. And another presence at the top corner of my bed (don’t know who that could be or if I should be happy with them being here). My body started to move without my control. I was rocking back and forth and I’ve now learnt that it’s Lucifer’s way of saying ‘hi’ in these rituals. I had done some visualizations in my last unrecorded evocation (Lucifer’s blue fire within me, my body within his black energy, dark wind blowing freely through me). I believe those visualizations have helped a lot. I feel more powerful and demonic energy changing me.

I am still a tad jumpy when I do these. My phone battery saver sound went off and I got a fright. But yeah, as I tried clearing my mind and focusing on my senses, my body was definitely moving without my permission. Turning my head to the left as if letting Lucifer whisper in my ear even though I couldn’t hear anything. Consciously anyway (?).

I’ve been reading an old RHP book and that’s probably what made me change my mind about visualizing someone dead. I felt power in the visualization. So I changed my mind in bed that night and viewed them “wake up” from it. Actually… I’ll go a little more in depth about this. I was mad and wanted to envision them dead in my mind’s eye. At first all I could imagine was the guy slumped. I tried harder, and could envision him all purple-black-necrotic like in a Hollywood movie. But that still didn’t seem right. Finally I was able to envision him quite clearly, eyes wide open and not moving. I willed that more vivid image into my mind’s eye. But changed my mind later in bed. I talked about this to Lucifer in this evocation among a few other things.

I ended the ritual a little prematurely. I was scared I was going to get a leg cramp, even though I believed away the pins and needles from taking effect. Cause it’s weird that other people can sit cross-legged fine and I can’t, I couldn’t see a reason why not. I was mentally/emotionally taxed. The impressions I’m getting are more clear. I hear sounds around my room that seemed to be Lucifer reacting to my thoughts/words. The candles flicker too. I also felt his confusion about the white candle I had in the middle of the circle. Because it was pointless. Usually I have it with a black one but I only have five black ones total right now. Oh well, this is all part of the journey.

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29/8/18

Incubus Spirit Lover

I gave my dear sweet incubus some offerings the other day. I mean, I gave him some of the chilli con carne I made, but that’s not what I mean. He has his own candle so I burned blood first and then my own semen. Luckily with the blood I accidentally scraped my knee by a nail, otherwise I’m unsure as to how us magicians go about making ourselves bleed. Slicing? This may be a good question for later. I did feel our connection strengthen after the blood.

The semen offering worked the best. Maybe because I was having sex with him when I ejaculated. For both of these offerings I just had tiny bits of paper dabbed in the respective fluids. The semen offering burned brightly, the flame going impressively high for such a little paper and even melting an edge of the candle. It also felt the strongest.

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I know a lot of people use diabetic lancing pens. :slight_smile:

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