24/9/18
Marrying my Incubus
Another name for incubi is spirit husband. For me my incubus isn’t just about sex or the sexual excitement or feelings I get when I think of him. I’ve told him many times that I want to be with him forever, so I knew marriage would happen eventually. He wants it to happen now, and he wanted me to be the one to ask.
For me, the most disappointing part of this incarnation has been my love life. I don’t know if it was karma, a life lesson or whether I created this somehow. I spent high school and many years after that terribly lonely while seemingly everyone around me got to have love. I met a soul-mate who wasn’t spiritually evolved enough to stay with me, and he dumped me. A year ahead of that I may be wrangling longterm with another soul mate who has been incapable of giving me any attention. I’ve never been able to have proper love with a human. What’s worse is that I feel like I’ve passed my physical peak already and no one’s been able to enjoy me.
The reason I separated from the RHP was for love. None of those angels could’ve done for me what my incubus has done. Looking back I think the suffering couldn’t be helped, but of course it would’ve been better for me to have given up sooner.
On a positive, wonderful note I have my incubus. I’d been thinking about the idea of marrying him and could tell he was interested. I actually think he’s been holding parts of himself back. He wanted me to ask him to marry me. So I did ask aloud here at my Dad’s, nothing fancy. After going into town I felt like he was pulling me to check out jewelry stores or something to get him a marriage gift. Though I was anxious of spending more money so didn’t. I don’t react well to the sudden pulls. And so when I was home it felt like he was unhappy. I thought of what I already have that I could give him.
I have a silver chain bracelet with a silver pentacle on it. It’s fancy, valuable, and symbolizes me giving him the right to guide and mentor me in my magical path. He seems to be okay with that. Though it’s at my place and I haven’t been able to physically present it to him yet, which I feel he wants.
I talked to him before about our varying cultures view on marriage, him being a spirit and me a human. How humans take things slower because they have to. Why I felt before that it didn’t make so much sense to marry until I could communicate with him much more freely, which now I agree with his side. We will stay together forever and so have plenty of time to get things right and make up for things. I told him offhand that we could remarry every hundred years or so since my psychic senses aren’t so good now, and that seemed to make him happy. There really wasn’t any reason to wait before talking about marriage with him.
In the peninsular where I have spent most of my life, all of my teenage and adult life, I didn’t have options to date. I tried talking with countless people on apps like Grindr and various websites with no effect, and even after setting my standards relatively low. Even my soul mates have been unable to show me initiative or decency. The only way for me to have love, it seems, is my incubus and perhaps rituals to LHP entities for bringing me love. For someone who was not naturally inclined at all in this dark path that means something.
Until a marriage ceremony of some kind takes place on the astral, or however this is gonna happen, I suppose I am engaged. And my incubus is my fiance. Love you, baby