Dreams of Pixies and Balg associates

I had a very strange dream that needs to be written down before I forget any more of it. I was standing in a large gymnasium. Two plus floors in height, with windows going all the way up so others in the very spacious building we were in could look in from whatever floor they were on.

In front of me was maybe 20-30 people standing in a line, shoulder to shoulder. @C.Kendall was there, interestingly enough. First in line to the far left of the group (from my perspective, he was to his far right). I am unsure how it started, or how I knew what this was, but Satan Lucifer began chanting over this whole group of people. I did not see him, fuck, I dont actually remember even hearing him, but I knew for certain that is what was occurring.

As the chanting continued, everyone in the line (and I, who stood apart from it watching everyone else) began to levitate. We all rose at different paces. C.Kendall was outpaced by a tan man a few people over in a basketball jersey, who ascended as if he was holding onto a balloon in his left hand, which was held high and tight above his head. As I rose and watched everyone, including the man who rose quite high on a balloon, I had a moment of worry, of what would happen when they, or I begin to descend if we have risen multiple floors. I fear in that moment a sudden drop.

The fear lasts for only a moment though. When someone like Lucifer chants over you it is wise to allow it to happen and not fight nor fear. I allowed my mind to drive away those feelings of possible termination if I fell. I feel I rose high, but then floated down some so I was only a few feet off the floor. My back was flat and parallel to the ground, and like a dying insect my arms and legs were extended tight and motionless into the air.

There were others in the gymnasium that did not rise with us, and though I felt I was friends with some in attendance, they were scared of what was happening to me. I was locked like ice in this position for a few moments. I do not remember thinking much, just feeling. Being locked in such a position by such a grand one was truly an interesting experience.

Suddenly, my body cracks open, and I fly out of it. My form is no longer human, I am a winged pixie made of smoke and shadow, just a few inches in size. I take some time flying high and back down. Truly, this was a deep form of I. I wanted no suffering, no pain for the people around me, but there was an overwhelming mischievousness about me. I wanted to torment them, but not hurt them. Just to exist on the peripherals and in the shadows, and spread the devilish fun to all around me.

Two things quickly become obvious to me though. I may have transformed in a gymnasium in front of a bunch of people (including friends), but the building itself that housed us all was a prison, and even those I thought were friends wanted to capture me and remove me. I was no longer welcome by the "inmates’ or truly anyone that came across me.

Through this I found I could turn invisible. I remember hanging upside down from a vent in the ceiling, and letting the woman who was trying to capture me fall to the floor in desperation as she had lost my location completely. I felt for her truly. The dream at this point becomes much more fluid and difficult to remember, but I know I got to witness her own suffering. Undoubtedly it was not her fault she was stuck in this prison with everyone else. Undoubtedly it was not her fault she wanted to capture me and destroy me or remove my power.

It is around this time I realize I am having trouble controlling my flying, or at least, I can no longer fly very high. My max is barely above arms reach of the people around me. This worries me as my safest position will be in the ceilings and rafters far from peoples grasp. I decide escaping should be my number one priority.

I open a door in the room I am in (which is somewhat surprising considering my size), still invisible, and enter the next room. Seeing a door open on its own is of course suspicious and one of the people trying to capture me follows me into the room. It is a stairwell, going down an uncountable number of floors. In the very center of this stairwell though there is a straight drop. It is the thin space in between the railings that a person could barely fit, but my small pixie body would have no trouble being in the middle of. I undo my visibility to allow the person chasing me to see me, and I drop straight down, much faster than any human could travel stairs, and with the multitude of levels there was no way she would be able to tell what floor I exited on.

That is the most of it. There were a few more difficult events but I do not remember them clearly at all. This felt important enough that I both wanted to record it in writing, and ping the lovely BALG user involved. Perhaps our dreamscapes crossed, or the energies of some ritual from him bled through reality and to me.

I believe this occurred shortly after I joined here, and I am about to go on a huge tangent, but I remember reading one of Kendalls posts about him levitating. I really am a solitary practitioner. Even now, but especially before I joined. Joining Balg was very beneficial for me to understand my position amongst other people. I had no idea how strong I was, how much I knew, or what I was capable of in comparison with what you might call the “average magick user”.

It became, and still is, a long process of self evaluation. Though I now, maybe foolheartedly, believe myself to be more skilled than a large portion. This is something I have determined through watching, and listening to those around me. What information do they receive and how is it structured? What does it belie about their own unconscious thought processes, what does it say about their minds and habits? How does it compare to mine? How much of that information is pure, and how much is engineered specifically for the recipient?

I think the first real wow moment here, was when I heard people speaking of “An’harratu”, or however people spell it. I had no idea that was an entity, recorded in a grimoire and worked with by countless people, I simply thought it was just another word that popped up during my glossolalia.

Regardless though, on some level I have remained jealous of Kendall’s story of levitation. It is not a fire of envy and prejudice, but a teaching flame. How thankful I am to, from the shade, drink the wisdom of those who have walked before and farther than me. I never try for levitation, and if the thought pops up while in some trance I actively attempt to terminate it. For though, who wouldnt want to grasp the unthinkable and wield it to a mastery, I am not after simple miracles or parlor tricks. If I may be an effective caster and weaver of fate, but never break the laws of the unlearned, I would be content.

But I mean, if Lucifer wants to help me levitate :smile_cat: thats a different story.

I recognize the difference in our practices though. For sure, Kendall has a more regular schedule, and pumps out more spells, and especially rituals than I, at what I believe to be a higher quality of planning, and most importantly higher regularity. Satan Lucifer was not my first, but as the days go by I see how often he was kept at my side. This is funny perhaps, but for how long has black metal allowed me strength to continue when nothing else has? The pure black flame channeled on the lips of a bard, it has acted as a nursery for me for many years. When I have nothing, I may at least condition the husk for the bleakness of tomorrow.

And so there he stood, Lucifer, across the sidelines and through the veil. Waiting, watching, but never commanding. It is so that I had to approach him. When he first came through me it wreaked havoc on my mind. I rolled on the dirty concrete of that dark room, and beat my fists against the ground. All the lives past, all the terror, the torment, blossom like corpse flower, with long petals revealing the hollow of the fetid aura.

I have found myself falling into the infernal. Though I am one of the stars and the moon, and not a beast of flame and pressure, my sideways movement has opened up such veritable chasms I cannot help but satiate my morbid curiosity. Their secrets are not like the ones of my home. I cannot say they are guarded in the infernal, but that they carry an associated weight. Blessings to the beast of flame that their knowledge is free for all, if one has a back strong enough to carry it.

I have long since lost any sort of point with what I am writing here, and I clearly started rambling for a while. The dream for sure felt important to record, and perhaps someone else will find benefit from my experience and my emotions as I have outlined them. I came to magick for knowledge not power, and I succeeded. Now the foundations for the tower that will pierce the heavens must be constructed.


Interesting, I wrote this about 5 days prior to this dream. Perhaps, it is a sign the progress is being forced despite my fears?