Hello . My name is Rowencain Anhk"lassis Morningstar.
Known to this forum by the mundane name Rory McLellan.
What I write within the next undisclosed period of time wi be the exact experiencea and mental Narrative of The black alchemical transformation I hereby dedicate myself to.
Now . Knowing that this occurred long ago but needed the passage of time to place understanding and conviction of dharma and your role within the grand scheme of this perfectly fucked up place we call reality.
Hah.
I ache as I type the cliches of dissecting the relativity of Reality.
Makes one wonder the use and need for this sentiment of a need to understand something.
That absolute fire in the back of your throat driving all impulse upon the desire to know more. All infinity…
What happens when we loose that embedded need? Many beliefs of the modern age are accompanied with theories of many and multiple dominant intelligent species of plant earth…what happens when we have no desire to Know…
This somehow just became a notion of expression for my change in perception upon my needs or pre conceived truths dictation how I understand reality and myself and how it all connects.
This is why My ego mind . My fundamentally created self deserves to hold the torch to infinity. To sacrifice all in attempts to push the envelope of potential and creation .
This is why yesterday I struggled with self hate or rather no self worth .
As an addict I am no stranger to adversary , but beyond the implications and surreal benefits one can achieve through the becoming of this path …for once had not blinded the potential consequence of a decision that can not be un done.
An action that can not be erased…survival in my chosen life in the high cost of low living category…I always managed to "weasel " or wriggle or smile my way out of the most rotten of circumstance. So the notion of what I had to consider had been taking massive pauses and anxiety that I recognized as a psychic filter embedded in the back of my brain.
However personal and uniquely me it is…
Today is almost 6 hours after my feeding of massive amounts of panic energy from an ex lover through summoning her astral body to my temple trough candle flame…
Today I look like a new person ( I use vampiric energy tactics for years now )
My skin is clear and I’m.well groomed and healthily glowing and effervesantly positive and talkative( to my pops dismay lol) .
Along with clarity and connection of my needs. My path and.my goals all interconnected to the Suttle vision of my intended future having made the decision to embrace this way.
Along with the attention of something ancient and powerful. Curiously vetting my potential .
Even now as I culminate this journal entry the solidification of satisfaction begins to fill my senses.
Time of my life’s XEPER has arrived.
I have been called to being and Now I know I shall answer.
R.A.M.
Awesome!!!
Many thanks my brother.
Moved to Journals category, since it’s a Journal.
Thanks , my bad man. Thanks for catching that its been ages since creating my own topic. Appreciate the backup …gotta get re-aquianted with the systematic categories etc…I’ve been slacking with my contributions and appreciate any patience as I work through this change Thanks @Mulberry and any who read this so my.intentions are known as I probably will male more mistakes like this in the the very near future . My attention to detail will be noted tho thanks all.
were you part of the initiation at the end of April? or are you working on this alone?
I wasnt part of that initiation. Just following the topic.
@danlBoone No. But I managed to be able to get a Hard copy before the paperback and leather editions both sold out…that said this is not my first journey into this type of magick.
DRAUGADROTTINN:
" Journal Entry# 2"
“Blood Drunk”; experiencing my first negative consequences of becoming a more powerful vampire practioner."
…so I hope my sub-title has highlighted the important aspect of this next experience I post here.
Addicts. Or people who have any addictive qualities ( like many of us do).
This was what happened after 2 convergencies of combining my experienced potent feeding and absorption techniques that my peactise has helped me covet with the new knowledge and application I am learning as I read and practise alongside my new edition of DRAUGADROTTINN: “Lord or the Undead”.
Provided a capacity of my previous ability with new potential blew the lid off my fucking head.
These 2 things were learning about the " inspirations techniques which educated me into the systematic nature to.which energy can be stored and then applied…PHYSICALLY.
I always used my enegy gained from feeding directly for Magick.purpose or ritual purpose…
But learning how to evenly spread and distribute the prana or energy taken within every cell , Bone, Organ, Nerve endings , CARTELEDGE, Pores, lymphatic fluid. Brain receptors. Neurons. EVERYTHING.
I fortunately have come from a family with medical background and I fact had been in my first year of university for my nursing degree earlier on in.life.
So.my knowledge of the intricacies of the human body and functions are not extensive but I would assume.it.xould rival.tjat of an average Civilian.
That said. Once I found the sweet spot of my new education.
Sweet Lucifer, I was drinking pure fire into.my viens ( astrologically I am a Cardianal Fire Element).
BLISS :
had began to envelope as I no longer just knew how to feed off an aura …the extra ambient.bioelectric energy …but the very life energy that the brain uses to send electric signals traveling.light speed through the body brain and.nerves like.vehicles and highways built intelligently.
I became Ferrell.
Greedy.
The more I took and samples from areas around the body allowing better flow.
Finding better more PURE TARGETS.
omg.
BTW.
FREDING OFF a visibly pregnant female…
That’s what caused me to go over the Edge.
The prana taken from the blood and even sacral chakra area is legit almost too pure to feed directly from for too long anyway.
The high this gave me was soo clean . So pure and beyond anything I had experienced through mundane methods.
( As a heroin addict In recovery I am no stranger to blissfully physical sensations).
This was beyond that. My senses so heightened it felt I was In a video game where my character had just found super Mario’s invincible strobing star…
I uses t
This energy to stay awake and alert for the next 48 hours. Without difficulty…
I threw myself into obsession learning how to drink the noodles of the earth and the blood of the Stars. AMAZING meditative techniques teaching the individual how to absorbe the life essence and transmute it into your energy body…even with cool suggestions like.
" it would be interesting to see the results of this energy was built up.over days and released during ritual". Teasing the curiosity yets again.( I find this author is great at pulling in tour attention and obsession gradually yet potently).
REST:
I begin to attempt winding down so my body and brain don’t.bevin to experience psychosis…and truly I wanted to.reset…
When I noticed I started having stomach pains.
And burping up this sulfur gassy gross burps.
This was my first sign of sickness. Something was wrong.
After vomiting up my vegetarian dinner…I knew I was on for a rough.night and began to prep for what I knew was going to be painful experience untill it passed.
Insomnia and stomach pain continues until 3:03 am I start vibrating and a voice in my head says sternly.
GET UP GO TO THE TOILET.
I woke and hurried inside ro.my dads area and went to the bathroom.
I sat on the toilet in pain almost complaining about the next action I had to take when out loud I said " AHHHH I DONT WANNAAA…"
MY SKIN: my vision, my jaw and my bones vibrated every time a syllable from a voice within my head…the same voice guiding me from my bed…sternly replied " YOU HAVE TO!"
that moment I was thrust forward from.an.invisable force that spun me around bending me.ovwr the toilet.
What felt like a hand inside me reached down to my colon grabbed it like a tooth paste tube and squeezed from my taint out my stomach like someone getting the last bits of product for one more brushing.
What came out of me was the most disgusting foul substance I have ever witnessed.
After filling the toilet with bile.that I had to flush finally this brown and grey gooey bile was forces from.my body…honest I thought it would burn through the toilet bowl. Like a scene from the 80’s movie “Alien”.
Recovery from the pain of heaving was slow but steady.
My stomach felt soo good in relief of this my fever left and immediately started to bounce back PHYSICALLY.
24 hours later . Was yesterday. And today
Well.
Is a day where when I return to.practise I am.different from learning through my now self actualization.
Be safe out there brothers and sisters.
Rors.