Documenting my feelings on Sex Magick Journal

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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Day 1: My thoughts

Why can’t I orgasm?
I know when im turned on by something but i can’t even understand the pleasure of things as well.
when i read about peoples stories and how they had immense pleasure from Certain demons, Angels, Spirit guides ect. I just feel intense Envy.

I want to feel pleasure too, I want to be loved and hugged close. Being a virgin is making it worse for me, I mean I don’t mind it but sometimes i think about how my cherry isn’t popped. I never really dated anyone, I don’t even understand relationships except Familial or friendships.

Its very hard for me to not understand the feeling of Ecstasy and Just feeling the moment. It sounds like I’m desperate, and I know i am. I can’t help but fantasize how Sex is like or how masturbating feels.
I tried a vibrator but i just didn’t react, I was only out of breath from moving it to much. I might cry because of not knowing the feeling i keep hearing/reading about.

I want to enjoy and talk with my non-virgin friends about my experience or ask them about stuff like this. The feelings i have right now are strong, Envy and sadness pouring into my stomach, Swirling around. It makes my inner self non-existent to the point I can’t even hear a thing. Im changing topics a lot i know. I can’t stop these feelings but I will meditate on them to calm it down and table it another day.

I read a bit about Sex magic, It sounds fun but I can’t even orgasm. what’s the point?
what if I evoke a spirit and they ask about that? I would definitely cry as I can’t even give them something I don’t even know how to give. My semen, My cum. How am i supposed to understand this? Everyone around me is not a virgin anymore, Its like a pressure I can’t get away from. The urge to just cry in my soul and mind is pitiful.

A humane craving Of wanting, Taking, Just to feel something. Im on a journey for myself but I must first rid myself of my emotions of Sexual pleasure. What is the point of having this type of feeling? Yes it is a type of energy that is strongly used very well. Yes, It helps with types of Invocations and Evocations. The present feeling has disappeared with a feeling of Sorrow and guilt. Why did i despise sexual pleasure? All because of the Envious feeling of wanting to also experiencing this. Most people do it in their daily lives. I try to do it but i never could get it right. Have I’ve been super Desensitized to the knowledge of pleasure?

Maybe. No, I have. The feeling of want is turned to a feeling of just there. nothing and anything. The sexual feeling of Nothing.

The thought of Just being there in the present and not the future or past just made me remind myself to just DO.

I normally don’t post about these things but I had a feeling I might need to do this to Document my perspective as I start my research on Sex magic and how it will effect me as day go by. I’ll post my results on this journal, my perspective might change about this. Follow along with me in my journey to Understanding myself and Sex magic

  • TAE
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This is just my opinion. But I am getting old and in my experience it is best to fully enjoy and understand all human experiences first. You have to fully understand what it is like to be human before you can understand what it is like to be NOT human.

Sex with sprits, angels, demons is a very NOT human experience and will push your body to the limits of what it can handle. So in my experience I needed those many years of sex with humans to understand what I could and could not do. This is the simplest way I can put it. Don’t put the cart before the horse.

Love some people first. Because if you can’t handle drama with people, you will most certainly not be able to handle drama with spirits. :wink:

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You probably just need a lot more stimulation. Up to 60% of women never orgasm their entire lives, so you’re not t he only one. Get a good strong one, like a hitachi or magick wand which are more like back massagers, put it on full and smush it down on your clit - be firm with it, you don’t have to move it much. Corded ones are more powerful and don’t have the battery get weak at the wrong moment.

And also women that can climax don’t always from PIV sex. It’s just not enough, but then smaller massagers you can use as couples exist. Gspot and clit orgasms are both causing the cliroal system to spasm, but in different parts of it so they feel different.

magick wise, entities for healing can also help with sexual health. You might like to look into Jareth Tempest’s Filthy Grimoire which has a lot of self development stuff that helps you get confidence and healing that lead to better relationships and sex as well. Actually a great book and the title doesn’t do it justice.

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Hello! You could be experiencing something but it might not be what you think it is. Orgasms in my personal experience are always explosive especially when I was in the reprogramming stage of leaving my cult.

Do you have a religious background that drilled it into that you have to save yourself for marriage? That could have a lot to do with metal blockings you could be trained to find shame in sex or sexual activity and now it’s causing mental road blocks.

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Most of my families from each side are strong Christians. I don’t really mind being in a church but I usually don’t like it, I just mainly ignore them on my phone as I want to listen while I’m reading or drawing. No one in my family cares about the Sex after marriage thing so :woman_shrugging:t5:

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Thank you for the help, I’ll check them out

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Okay good, that road block was an awful one for me.

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I finished reading the introduction to sex magic, It was interesting to say the least. I was smiling here and there at times.

I’m slowly starting to get sex magic so far. I have positive thoughts about it and I’m trying to embrace myself and learning discover things about me.

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Sex & Love with the Divine is fucking Electrifying and the most amazing feel ever!!!

Lol but yes exactly what you said as well!!!

Hahahaha!!!

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My whole perspective changed, I’ve noticed when I read people’s stories in a different light instead of embarrassment and Envy, My feelings is just me being shy and hopeful that one day I can understand even get to that level of power.

Talking to myself, silly I know but it made me figure out somethings about myself too. I still don’t get the idea of masturbation but it’s normal i guess considering I’m still learning.

-Tae:cherry_blossom:🩷

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