Thank you. Will do so tonight.
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Eff it! Really didn’t expect him to tackle this one first. I mean I didn’t like the job very much anyway, so it absolutely makes sense that he takes care of that. But so quickly?!
I think I like that, even though I’m a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Will try to talk to him later.
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08/08/19
Who opened the gates? Why are all the signs, sigils & symbols flooding my brain?
Why do I get into trance so easily? I used to need assistance in the form of music or guided meditations, but now…
I feel calm, but a part of me is always on the look out. Ready to do what needs to be done. But it kinda feels passive. Don’t want to just react, but my mind is flooded with all these visions, that I don’t want to totally overwhelm myself by doing a ritual or some bigger magickal workings…
All I do is trying to keep up by scribbling & sketching & drawing & writing…
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09/30/19
To be honest, I was kind of scared to go deeper after my first experience with King Paimon. I sensed that there is so much that will come up and wasn’t sure whether I was ready to handle it. So I tried to stay away (ahem)…
But the classic RHP stuff didn’t satisfy me either, so I spent the past weeks researching and started to read Karlsson’s book “Kabbala, Qliphoth and the Goetian Magic”. No summoning demons, no rituals, nothing.
Fast forward to today:
I felt drawn to meditate in the morning. First I thought that I wanted to finally connect with Lucifer, but after I got into a meditative state, looked at his sigil for a few minutes and chanted his his enn, I just heard “Your black flame”. Nothing else besides feeling some shivers running through my body.
So I quickly looked for Raven’s (I guess that’s her name) “Ignite your inner black flame” video on YT, which I stumbled upon a few weeks ago. I ended up using Behemot-X’s version. I didn’t count how often I have recited the mantra, but it didn’t take that long until I started to feel something strange around my solar plexus area. So I placed my left hand on it and focused on breathing into it while repeating the words.
The more I breathed, and with every breath, this feeling expanded up into my chest. Then higher into my throat. Then my head.
By the time it reached my head I had difficulties breathing, started to feel dizzy and as if I had to throw up. Simultaneously it seemed like I was flying through a cosmic tunnel at the speed of light. Faces, colors, sceneries, darkness, all rushed by. Then I floated into nothing. I was nothing. My forehead was kind of hurting and I almost blacked out.
So I opened my eyes, reminding myself to keep calm and keep on breathing.
After a while I ended the “exercise” and came back to reality pushing some of whatever it was into the ground.
Whatever it was, it was fascinating. But what was that? And my head is still hurting a bit…
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10/01/19
So I finally made up my mind & overcame my fear of evoking Lucifer.
Maybe I did something wrong, or it was just his choice to present himself the way he did, but nothing “spectacular” happened.
I didn’t expect him to show up like the grotesque creature so many describe him to be. It’s just that even the energetic changes around and within me were much more pleasant and kind of soothing than I thought.
My intention wasn’t to make him do something for me, but to introduce myself and get a feeling for his energy. To get to know him and ask for some guidance in regards to my ascension journey.
He didn’t disappoint me, but left me with more questions… (what I kinda expected).
In a nutshell, what he said was:
- - invest time! Study & write down what you learn and experience (hint on my BOS which is collecting dust)
- - strengthen your will & dedication through practice
- - learn divination
- - find out more about your heritage. There's magic & knowledge to be found.
I asked him whether I should talk to my ancestors and his response was: “You can start there. Look into Necromancy.”
He also told me that Lilith would open the gate and that I should contact Naamah but be ready for transformation. (This part is rephrase as I almost lost the connection due to dizziness and getting tired.
This is where I am a bit confused now. Talk to my ancestors, look into Necromancy AND the Qliphoth? Why Necromancy? And should I do it all at the same time? Isn’t that a bit too much?!
I have never been really interested in Necromancy. Psychic Vampirism is more what I wanted to learn… He should know that, but I guess there’s a reason he points me in this direction. And now the Qliphoth… Yeah, I started reading Karlsson’s book and am researching & learning as much as I can (without taking notes, hence his pun of writing I guess) , but don’t feel ready to start working through it.
Sure, I don’t want to be an “armchair magician”, but I also don’t want to risk losing my mind and go insane if I start working on these things all at once. I just can’t - I’m a single mom and have to raise a 6 year old!
On the other hand, V. K. Jehannum said in one of his videos something like: “If such a spirit tells you to do X, you better f*cking DO it!” There must be a reason why he told me to look into this I guess. I mean, I’ve been asking for guidance not reassurance of things I don’t know or understand yet…
I don’t mean to be disrespectful, it just feels intimidating and like A LOOOT to handle. But maybe he knows more about me than I do…
We’ll see where this leads me, but I think I’ll start with my ancestors.
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