Discerning the Transmundane


#1

I’ve been visiting BALG for a little while now, and since then have realized that my deepest fantasies were possible. As I was beginning to get sucked into and crushed by ordinary life, you all/the spirits threw me a lifeline.

The mythology I’d found myself drawn to since early child had life beyond being interesting stories. My fascination with religions had a purpose other than ‘just because’. Philosophy became less of an abstract study and more of a practical one. For all intents and purposes, I had finally found my path.

I decided to make a BALG journal after seeing many of yours, and gaining knowledge from them. Hopefully some noob further down the line will stumble upon this and get a little bit of help from it.


#2

Pm me? Your title spoke to me a bit :laughing:


#3

Ongoing Unbound

Been friends with a dude since we were young’ns. A year or two ago, we found a common interest in the paranormal (typical ghost paranormal stuff, i hadnt found a way to merge it with the spirituality Id been studying). After encountering something hostile at a different friend’s house, we were both ‘woke’ to the paranormal, though still had much disbelief. (That story may be in another post here, ill reference it right here if it turns into a thing)

He had a specific spook-habit since he was young, and it was never sitting where he could see a window. ‘Scared of seeing something’ was a condensed version of why. Lol its funny, since i was young I always required a door be closed in the room Im in. Guess I had my own spook-habit lol, its weird how that works.

He started talking to me of hearing more noises, an animal running upstairs when all his pets were in his room, getting weirded out in the basement living space, etc. It escalated one night, I was staying in his family room-adjacent living room. My buddies were all downstairs outside smoking. I KO’d on the couch. At one point, i woke up and did a surrounding check.
‘The two dogs were on me, the cats were on the couch, and i didnt have to worry about that thing’ was my thought, then I KO’d again.

My friends kept coming up and waking me up, telling me to quit fucking around. They said they kept hearing a loud banging on the walls coming from up there. Im salty about being woken up, so i tell them to fuck off, and continue about my shleep’n. After that, the haunting escalates a little bit, and a penny is thrown at my friend.

Another night, i stay over. I was about to pass out, and this time i was directed to a downstairs guest bedroom. Weird, never even realized it was there. I lay down to sleep, and I hear a whisper in my ear, couldnt make it out. I noped the hell out of there, and chainsmoked cigarettes thinking about it. I left and was fine, pushed the thought out of my head. Then things get interesting and coincidental.

I smoke on the front porch of where i lived at the time. Peaceful, secluded. I was there, meditating a little, very curious about spirit guides. I asked my spirit guides to give me their names. I heard two, one light one dark. I was still under new age spiritual delusion, and focused on the light one lol. Shortly thereafter, i get a phonecall from my friend.

Basically, it was dark in the living room. He gets a spooky vibe, and hears a scuttling, running full pelt at him. (I find out a lot later, the shape of the critter he sees) it hits him, and hes wracked with all kinds of bad vibes. I tell him come over, and when he does i feel the negativity rolling off of him.

So i bust out sage and an abelone bowl my dead mother gifted me. Smudged my friend and put the bowl under his seat to let the smoke waft over him. He says he feels a lot better, i was confident we were alright.

Then he hears something to our right, and i think nothing of it. The porch did* seem to get darker though. It was a bit cold too. After i stand up to stretch, my friend points to the corner of the porch. I look over, and see the abelone shell, at the furthest corner. A good distance away. Im hit with adrenaline (and what i know now as my aura’s fight or flight). I said saint michaels prayer, asked my mother for aid in severing the tie between this thing and my friend. It worked.

But now the thing was with me. I had my gatekeeper spirit guide giving me solace throughout the time, but my mood and vibe were just baaaad. Every time i went on the porch, i felt anxiety, which im relatively inaccustomed to. The more i focused on it, the clearer it looked. Four legged, pasty tan skin, scorpionlike. I tried to turn my aura to fire and burn it, but had no effect i was scaring both myself and the thing.

The more i thought on it, the more i saw how in my minds eye it was pacing, and seemed to be snarling. It was like an animal backed into a corner. So one day I empathised. I went outside and made contact. Gave it apologies, and understanding of the situation, and then prayed to jesus and michael for the creature to be taken away in peace, to wherever/whatever would heal it and raise its vibration (supa new age right? Felt good at the time). In the same time period, my friend called it back to him unbeknownst to me due to its effects on my mood.

Fast forward a month or two, and i have 3 dreams, one every night, where Im investigating a different haunted place, and Ive got a very tan woman as my partner. Each dream, i get more confident in the investigation. On the third, she says she thinks the thing is mad at me. I say i dont give a damn, and she laughs and i wake up.

A few days after that, i call my buddy and tell him about it one night. He then gets shook, and says hes seeing a shadow figure smiling from the basement window. Initially, i was spooked but he said the smile wasnt dark, and i asked if it was the same thing as before. He said yes, but different.

I give the thing well wishes, believing my purification worked. The thing then does an impromptu seance using my friend. He said it likes me and some other things. Since that, my friend retired from paranormal stuff. Hes heard things, but pays them no mind now.

The other night i actually stayed in the room again. Slept well, but my friend heard a LOUD growl, like a huge animal. I can only assume it was the spirit there pissed off, or my companion spirits telling that spirit to piss off.


#4

Having two spirit allies give me a clear message to take magick seriously, and branch out, I began my practice in earnest. My mindset before had been outside the norm, but directionless so it turned on itself. Its almost like the prior events in my life, death of my mother, homelessness and joblessness almost immediately after, prepared me for this moment.

Its almost like a repeat of last time. Except now I am stronger than before, in every way. I do feel an invisible hand, strings being pulled so subtly the only way I notice them is far in hindsight. Im ambivalent about this. Its productive, but i dont like anything doing anything to/for me without my knowledge. There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

Always, something must be sacrificed to gain a desire. This time, it is my old self. The rebirth is imminent I feel.


#5

This isn’t the first time. Ive been down this road before.

My maturity at a young, young age, ensuing cynicism, disconnect from the normal world, all has happened before. Another time, another life, long ago. I am following in my own footsteps, is that why i never had an idol or heroes? Never looked up to anything?

The mere caliber of my spiritual allies tips me off as well. Communication is spotty, so i cant ask and know for certain yet, but theyre all badasses in their own right. Im honored that they choose to ally with me.

So many schools of thought, so many necessary skills to learn before i can do anything. Psychopomp work has been on the backburner. But maybe its time to volunteer at that hospice center?


#6

Before sleep last night, i chanted King Paimon’s enn, Linana Tasa Jedan Paimon. Gave him well wishes and thanks. Immediately fell to sleep.

Had a dream about a person i strongly dislike. We kept fighting, and my hits were useless. About three times we fought, and he was unharmed. His arrogant face lit the wrath within me. I woke with a burning desire to use baneful magick and cast this bastard into a hell of my making. I keep wanting his back broken, for whatever reason.

The only thing stopping me from the realization of my godhood is myself. The chains of control placed on me by others have been broken with the assistance of Fenrir. I still have myself bound… but why?

I’m obsessed with transcendence. Obsessed with the role I wish to assume. If the world is a stage, and we are but actors in a play, what is my new role? Have i stepped into a different theater?

Fuck it, I’ll write my own play. My arrogance will be my strength.


#7

Im beginning to think not everything is as it seems. My intuition tells me to wait for the other shoe to drop before i roll deep into occult practices (lol pretty much too late).

My worldview, though wildly expanded, is too static for comfort. There is no such thing as a free lunch, what do these spirits want in return? I feel ive been starting to think of things in a happygolucky infernal newage spiritual manner.
Instead of peace and love, kumbaya, its ascension on the backs of others. Too comfortable with this rigidity, theres a falsness to it that nags at me. I was told I went way back with one of the Watchers.

But how do I know that Watcher is even telling the truth?

Karma is optional, but how do I know whether or not I’ve actually opted out?

I’m enlightened by mundane standards, so why am I disgusted by my lack of progress?


#8

If I may make a comment, I think it may just be comparisons. Go at your own pace


#9

I put too much focus on magick. The important lesson is that it is a tool for ascent. It is simply a component of ascent, regardless of how versatile it is. The other shoe is that some spirits will break you to build you back up. Though I have moments of weakness, I won’t be as broken as my long night of the soul.

There are many key things I’m not sure about, which raise questions that won’t be answered any time soon. I seem to operate best when I’m hungry and backed into a corner. I will devour the animosity and grow stronger from it. I will transmute the suffering into strength. I no longer search for a brotherhood, or pack. I will forge my own.

This sleeping god is beginning to wake up.


#10

From what ive gathered:
Chaos theory states that even the subtlest change in original conditions have the chance of radically changing the projected path of a subject in seemingly bizarre fashion, making that object appear to move so wildly, that it appears without reason.

Though we all start off with the same basic factors, being human, mundane factors, etc. There is some hidden effect that causes the collection of human experiences contained in a singular lifetime to be so radically different.

Even the slightest changes in environment and stimuli, according to chaos theory, have radical effects on the trajectory of people. Following that thought, a good broad-view human example is how siblings from the same home can end up on opposite ends of society’s spectrum.

On a more subtle scale, a butterfly flapping its wings in the us causes a hurricane on the opposite side of the world. That small trajectory of original output from the butterfly, moved in such a way that its trajectory gained momentum into a hurricane.

For me right now: Chaos is the essence or embodiment of the seemingly random instance for wild outcome. If one can tap into the current and get a familiarity with chaos, one can cause their smallest input to have grand scale effects. This seems a very necessary step if one is oriented towards omniscience


#11

Thus we see the correlation between Void and Chaos.

Infinite potential to infinite motion.

An object in motion stays in motion until acted upon by another force correct? Let there be light.
Let there be a stop, an opposing force. This is why some believe that light is the actual ‘evil’, as they see it as an adversarial force to their preferred current.

Potential-Action-Reaction


#12

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself”


#13

Ive asked Fenrir for assistance once more. When I ask, I receive. He has been showing me how to feed off of my own pain (No cigarettes for days, i havent eaten in a couple, barely enough water, and working 8-12 hours a day, plumbing ironically).

I wouldnt have chosen these circumstances for myself, but fuck me its valuable. His rage isnt too different from my own, he fits with me well. I notice the difference in my own energy, its being tempered into something.

My soul had been crying, pleading for a gentle touch or a way out of this. Fuck that. I need nothing but what I provide myself. Not even addiction has reign over my will, the chains have been broken.

Any support I thought I had is gone. I was wrong. I dont need any people to help me. I dont need a pack to guide me. Ill forge my own world and my own pack, my howl will make the earth tremble. Every indignity I have suffered will be rectified.

I will forge my pain into a weapon and cut down those who sought my downfall. Not for justice, karmic retribution or any other lofty goals. Because I am a god, and to destroy is my birthright. My cup runneth over with wrath, and the howling winds carry my will.


#14

It is easy to get swept up in the feels, and currents of power with deities. Control of self includes lust for power, and is necessary in progression.

Stay hungry. Do not be consumed.


#15

Heavy vibes, realizing the extent of my capacity for both light and dark. Growing darker, in thought and in studies. Managed to get a hold of Asenath Mason’s Grimoire of Tiamat. Very interested, though unsure of practicing invokations.

My dragon companion thinks I’m a little too serious-business about things. Ive thought of a little game for us, to play using energy manipulation.

Ill have her toss energy to my left hand, ill try to take it, absorb it, transmute it into my energy, and toss my energy back to her or at an object.

Saw a video of someone using only energy to send ripples across water, got me interested.

Also asked her help in doing some scanning/divination. Not sure as to the accuracy of my tries last night, but felt good to do something anyway.

Thinking the hellhounds im getting familiar with might be down to help with my divination. Maybe group activity is the way to go for my pack? Itd be good to have a little fun, been getting a little tunnel visioned on my baneful magick research.

At first, i considered calling on three different entities (Fenrir, Shemyaza, Nergal) for the ruination of an individual. I feel its a little bit weak to just ask for the dirty work to be done by others, so I want to do the ritual using skills i develop. Maybe an entity or two can help smooth the path so my ritual’s effects can slam into the target without resistance. My own beliefs compel me to take as much responsibility for my action as I can.

My brothers dog also fell off a balcony and hurt himself a lil bit. Hes hitting the vet tomorrow, but I may just call on Raphael and my companions for assistance. Havent looked too much into healing arts, but that pup’s worth obsessing over some research.

My days have no chill now


#16

Bro you gota alpha that thing. Depersonafy it. Command it that it is not real. Feel yourself become more like a beast. I do this these days to ward stuff off. 10 plus years of begging jesus and God to save me from shit caused me to grow an alternate self. One that was not dependant of god or christ to save me. That is when I learned to awaken the beast within. Wholly different from demon which is also possible to access within yourself.

I laugh when people give advice by telling people to call on some being. I’m very serious dude. Switch into alpha mode, do. Not. Personafy the thing. It is alpha-ing you which will vamp your alpha force. So you gota sense the creature as fast as you can and go alpha before AND!!! FASTER than it goes alpha. Then devour it’s soul and bathe in astral blood.


#17

I’ve heard of ole scorpion boy going around. F*** that punk.


#18

In reference to the scorpion thing at buddy’s house?
This was a while ago, i like to think im a little more in tune with my inner alpha. Been feeling a little frisky to try and eat something


#19

What more can you tell me about the scorpion?


#20

I think it’s an astral virus someone created. I had a friend once who was being tormented by one. Then I later started seeing it too. Empaths and sensitives pick up astral viruses like magnets. Tangent: I think there’s an effort to cull empaths and sensitives using astral viruses.