thanks, i’ll do that! 
i did a ritual which i derived from multiple “get your ex back” rituals you can find online - involving puppets, jars, personal items, candles, etc. and then called on Sallos to help me. when it started working and we still talked she would lash out how she thought that she’s over the whole thing and yet she has those feelings again and by that time i spent enough time reading countless forum posts about love spells going wrong that i evoked Sallos one more time and asked him to stop the spell.
after that, she became more hostile and aggressive towards me and blocked me everywhere she could - from time to time i had the urge to contact her and when i did, she was more and more hostile every time…
i’m not with her because i was in a rut where i left my work due to a nervous breakdown and couldn’t find a job for a long time… we were planning for a pretty serious life together and back then i couldn’t understand why she was so upset with me giving up on job search (i had this “well, life’s gonna work out, y’know?” attitude). later i realized how little annoyances can add up and how differing values/attitudes can poison everything. by not trying harder to get a job i didn’t accept the responsibility that shared life required. that whole thing requires 2 people, not one carrying the other on their back from time to time.
i’m kinda sad that i fucked it up, because she was really, the most empathetic and patient person i’ve ever been with, but after a while, everyone’s patience wears thin… so i had to grow up sooner or later, because this breakup opened my eyes to many things.
about the now, i have a job and i’m more collected, so i think i could handle that relationship better, but then again, i’m still diving into my psyche and forgotten memories to figure myself out as fully as i can, so i’ll be more of an anchor if my future partner needs one.