Learning: Forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for me in a purely selfish form.
This will be the last I post for a while about my journey.
7:15 AM, Meditation Started
Working to understand why we get jealous.
Jealousy can be caused by loving someone or something.
Truth: Yep! I loved/still love him.
Truth: I am the only one who can control myself.
Next step: Keep living life. No need to claw out her eyes. That would be childish, even though it’d be kind of satisfying to claw out her eyes. Or tear out her heart with my bear hands and eat it in front of her corpse.
However: Even she needs love, as she is also broken due to the chains she bears. I need to find sage.
Mother teach me to love her. Purge the heart.
My words yesterday:
The floors of hell have no gold. It’s only dirt. Only the sun and stars are gold.
You’ve forgotten. For there is no royalty within the captured hearts of hell and your robes are merely rags
Walk with the broken one, for sisterhood is stronger than the bonds of brotherhood when love comes from the heart and not the mind.
Mara: Jenna, walk the path of higher concious. A woman who can walk in heels shows fierceness and strength. A woman who can walk barefoot in sacred spaces is divine.
Walk down the road, Jenna.
Cool photo I like it where you get the photo?
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Some are already saved to my phone.
I also like finding photos through Pexels. The best free stock photos & videos shared by talented creators.
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Last year, going through sexual healing. I finished this piece last year. The shackles have been slowly breaking on their own, haven’t they?
Did I ever need a ritual? Will answer at a later time.
I get it. But this will mean nothing to anyone else.
The other stuff is covered, as the art work isn’t finished and deemed to risky in nature to show on a forum.
Something primal is coming out. However, I’ll keep it to myself. I don’t think it’s connected to anything.
Time 12:22 AM
I’ve been awake for almost 24 hours straight, no sleep. They say there is comfort in the solitude; yet, the Dark Goddess is pushing her way through in every aspect of my thoughts. Something has bothered me since stepping away from the mundane, boredom of my life to think.
I simply had to ask her: Aren’t the gates of the Abyssal Waters already open? Why is there a ritual being done to open them?
Answer: Darkness is within the hearts who abuse the natural flow of life, as when one is praised to much without acknowledgement of the negative - they lose touch with their reality.
Asked: What will happen?
Answer: The gates to water are already open. They’ve been open since you walked into this path. You’ve never needed anything or anyone to follow the path."
Asked: Who is the Bride of Lucifer?
Answer: You already know the answer to this. How long have you and others been hidden with the Divine Feminine.
Asked: The premordial waters of Nun?
Answer: Yes!
Asked: Who is Gaia then? What is the difference between Gaia and Neith?
Answer: Nothing.
Asked: Then why is there going to be a ritual to open the Abyssal Waters when they are already open?
Answer: You cannot open something that has already been open. They do not see. You do.
Asked: What do I see?
Answer: Yourself. You’ve always seen yourself.
Asked: Why did you send me to the other first?
Answer: They worked with Ahriman first, it’s your pathworking. He understands the collective in a greater view than most. The extension of his darkness seeped out before the other.
Asked: What is the true nature of the Dragon current?
Answer: It’s the natural order of laws of nature. Nothing is needed besides the heart and walking barefoot in sacred spaces.
Asked: Why is she gray?
Answer: She’s not gray. She’s translucent, the light reflects off her like an opal. Where she goes, love follows. She wanted you, so, she came.
Asked: What do you mean by love follows?
Answer: Who we become and who we strive to become is our greatest healing.
Asked: What do you mean love follows?
Answer: Love yourself. Love others.
Asked: How am I supposed to work with Ahriman?
Answer: By harnessing the energy of the moon. A blood substitute can me used.
Asked: And the gates?
Answer: *It’s not your worry.
Asked: Do they abuse you?
Answer: Yes.
Asked: Do I free the negativity at once?
Answer: Slowly. Tread lightly.
Asked: Why now?
Answer: I cannot answer that now.
Asked: The Premordial Waters of Nun? The Lotus flower? grins
Answer: Well, you were always to stubborn for your own good. Had to teach you somehow.
Asked: My path?
Answer: Just summon your dragon after feeling the presence of Ahriman.
Close, time 1:17 AM.
Take away: That was not what I was expecting.
Time, 12:39 AM
Envoked Aset.
Question: Why am I scared?
Answer: Because you’re walking a path you’ve never walked.
Question: Do I contact him?
Answer: Only you can answer this.
Question: Why am I drawn to him?
Answer: You don’t need to know this right now. Throw him back into the sea.
Questions: What do I do now?
Answer: Simply just be. Have a human experience. Heal. All answers will come later.
Question: *But why did… *
Answer: Sleep. You need to sleep. It’s been two days of no sleep. You’re going to break down.
Question: The Dragon Current…
Answer: Sleep
End Time, 12:48 AM
Still Awake*
2:49
Question: She used me to, didn’t she?
Answer: Yes. Just cry. Let it all out.
3:17 AM
Question: Why did she use me?
Answer: To test you.
Question: Did I pass the test?
Answer:
Question: What happened when you connected with her on the physic realm?
Answer:
Aset Speaking
You did nothing, except get angry with her. However, did you leech off of her? Did you curse her? She tested you. She is your soul tribe
You know this. I know this. We both know this.
You know your path. NO MORE BANEFUL MAGICK.
That is not love, Jen. That is not love.
Learned from Ahriman:
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
The more you ignore those things which bring zero value to your life, the more you know thyself.
Uping Game
That’s unhealthy and plunging a dagger into your metaphorical heart (or the other way) isn’t going to make you understand that darkness is beauty too.
Maybe you do, but many people (I don’t identify as a color so I’m removing myself from this) do not swallow their pride. I am very prideful about who I am and maybe it’s because I’m so close with Lucifer, but I take pride in myself. Here’s some food for thought, If you don’t take pride in your actions why take them? I only do things I am proud of now that doesn’t mean I justify my actions to others but if I don’t like it then why do it?
No. Cutting cords can be healing and freeing. I’ve never heard anyone express this as “dark.” Seems like you think darkness is all bad/evil (@anon10524665 said this too) and that’s super unhealthy. You are allowed to put yourself first and not think that’s wrong.
Have you ever been involved in ancestral healing? That might be good for you.
Are you a member of somewhere and you’re going to revoke it? I don’t really see how that means ex-communication or bravery.
I hope that after your experiences (since this was posted) you have changed some of your ideas on these, after all that’s what healing is about.
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Your post was so enchantingly expressive, reminded me somewhat of myself at current and even in the past.
Shadow work can certainly be a bitch, must be Goddess Kali that drew me here, many thanks for your expression and to Goddess Kali for her guidance, or Goddess Lilith, Goddess none the less.
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People don’t understand the darkest parts of the Dragon blood. Nor the light that comes from the darkness.
I’ve yet to work with Lilith. Queen Kali is a force to be reckoned with. Seek Goddess Nammah, I’ve worked with her - however, I don’t post about my experiences with her on the forum.
I’m glad you could relate. 
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Cherokee Pride
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I have worked briefly with Naamah, hough she seems to be calling to me again recently.
Actively working with both Goddesses Lilith and Kali myself. Many may not understand, but rest assured there are also many that do.
And ah yes, the blood of the Dragon, I dare suggest working with Tiamat in that case.
@jennaelizabeth A spontaneous poem, or even message if you will.
We are the darkness and therefore we create the light of truth, to counteract the false light and the denied darkness of others.
We are the blamed to the weak for we are the strong, no power can withstand that which we are. We are the justice, that the false light fears and therefore we are the strength they which to have. It is ourselves we were taught to fear, in their weakness and it is their weakness we must recover from, so that we may all learn, for we are teachers amongst the students and the nourishment of the soul of the world.
Our being is that of all creation, yet it is what we create in collusion, that we ourselves fear, for it is we who are the bringers and bearers of the light and opposed are we only by denial.
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Hmmm. Interesting! 
I work with Ahriman and Tiamat.
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Quite possibly the reason for the poem/message.
I also work with Tiamat, I can’t say I’ve worked with Ahriman as of yet, at least not on a conscious level though. I spend most of my time mainly working with Lilith and Kali.