Its just as EA Koetting described it in his one video on navigating the dark night…i have times where it hits in waves, and during these times it really seems in such a blatantly obvious way that everyone is deliberately fucking with my head and trying to drive me insane. Even my spiritual companions turn into the enemy. During these waves, every sense of safety fades and i am face to face with my own ignorance. All i see before me is a monstrous world i know nothing about, surrounded by unknown threats at every corner. I also lose sight of any sense of self, but not in the enlightened zen way…like in the terrifying skitzo kinda way…sometimes this is accompanied by extreme agitation and lashing out. The best way i can describe everythibg else that happens is just a total collapse of all sense of familiarity…sometjmes this is exhilirating, sometimes i curl up in a ball and cling for any sense of warmth i can grasp for…and oftentimes i start laughing histerically kinda like the joker. I will laugh like a lunatc and say things like “kill yourself” and “i just want to die” and other things of the sort on imlulse like a nervous tick. However…with every wave of this kind of disruption, there is always a deeper level of understanding and a new sense of vigor and a broader perspective on so many aspects of life that i was previously oblivious to. I guess this is the psychological solve et coagula in action? Idk…but the only reason why i can even stomach through this is because of all that i have studied before hand, as well as the ubyielding support of friends and associates and people like you guys. I knew this was going to occur, and i have to keep reminding myself that its all part of a process…but in the moment its easy to forget
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Forgot to mention the flaring up and amplification of every ibsecurity i have all at once…and the awkward discomfort of not knowing what to do, where to go, or how to even exist…yeah theres a lot of shit that goes into these dark nights…beginners please make sure you do the proper research into mental health and how it relates to spirituality. Your knowledge in this area could play key in your own survival
When i have moments like this I do something spontaneous to remind myself that I’m in control. Usually that means getting in my car and letting the road take me somewhere new.
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This seems to be a journal: moved to the Journals category. 
Cross reference to General post about coping
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