Probably because I feel way more confident in my native Rioplatense dialect. I mean, I sound like a caveman everytime I try to speak English, but I’m kind of elocuent in Spanish.
Also, have you noticed the name’s pronunciation? It rarely changes in Spanish, is almost always as it is written.
Got ya
Going to dm, so I dont ruin your diary now 
No worries, my PMs are always open 
Glad you seem to be having a moment where things are ok. I mean I don’t check in to this forum often enough anymore. I’m not finding I have needs here myself, while the discussions are certainly still interesting I’ve gone from checking once a week to once every three or so.
The point I’m trying to make is I have Skype or discord if you need someone who’s both a dick, insightful and encouraging at the same time lol! Now to be fair after I post something I do usually check back in a day or two to see if someone answered so… I’ll be back lol.
SORRY! I, somehow, missed this post. We surely do!
ENTRY #22
I’ve been mostly working with my legion lately. In the last couple of days, I decided that I wanted them to learn from heavy hitters. I sent them to learn from Satanachia and the next day, I reached her to ask permission. I know, it should have been the other way around.
Well, tonight I tried my first penny divination. I used the Knight’s tutorial for trance, sigil and enn to call her.
I had 9 (later 10) questions; three of them for control. Year, my age, that kind of thing, since I already knew the answer I thought it would be a good way to meassure if it was working. Surprisingly, it worked flawlessly.
But then the information wasn’t that cool. It seems Satanachia doesn’t want to teach my legion. And she doesn’t want me as a student, either. It’s kind of weird, I know I’m looking for an spiritual mentor.
I asked if she is going to help me more. She said yes. Then I asked another thing. I can’t say anything (not yet, at least), but it wasn’t cool. Not. At. All. Horrible, actually. And the worst part is that I can’t even begin to grasp why, nor a method to understand why. But I won’t go there.
A week or so ago I asked my legion to empower a little my chakras, just to see if I could feel anything. I’ve been feeling… something in my crown chakra. It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t even distract me. Is just a sensation, right there, all the time.
Yesterday I did feel something during my meditation practice. In all the seven right points. I think it is working.
But the weirdest part came that same night, when I went to sleep. JUST the second I lay my head… I heard a bird chipping on my window, the the sound wasn’t anything like the birds that are around here. And it was JUST outside my window. “Fucking birds”, I said and had to sit down to locate where it came from. I tried to go to sleep and then I noticed there wasn’t ONE bird, but many. A few seconds later I could feel the chipping all around (but not in my window anymore). Funny thing? My legion has the shape of crows.
And one more thing: that night I heard (not imagine; HEARD) a woman’s laughter, just in my damn ear. It lasted a second, but it was there, I was able to actually hear it. And it was impossible to be someone laughing, since I was alone in my room.
Crazy, right?
I don’t know very well what’s happening. But it seems like progress to me.
ENTRY #21
I had a really weird divination session just now.
So… it was like before, relaxation, counting down in an attempt to reach alpha, sigil, enn, flash, 4 coins.
This were my questions and their respective answers:
1: Am I sitting in my bed? (control question): NNYN = No. (correct, I was in my couch)
2: Should I ask (DEMON’S NAME) to be my mentor?: YYNN = Maybe.
3: It is night? (control question): NYNY = Maybe
4: Should I look for A mentor? (spiritual, of course): NNNY = No.
5: Are you Satanachia? (Wasn’t a control question, I started to doubt, I don’t know why): NNNN = ¡NO!
6: Am I 37 years old? (control question): NNYY = Maybe.
7: Are you a demon?: NNNY = No.
8: Are you going to tell me your identity?: NNYY = Maybe.
9: Am I wearing… (control question): NYYY = Yes (answer correct)
10: Do you have any particular interest in me?: NYYY = Yes.
11: Are you going to tell me who you are during meditation?: NNYY = Maybe.
Goodbye. Banish. Get out of my pseudo-trance (because it wasn’t a real trance; just the exercise)
Whelp, that was weird indeed.
Out of my 4 control questions, half were “Maybe”. There is not maybe about it. IT IS NIGHT HERE. I am 37 years old. Period. So that makes me believe I totally failed tonight.
But there is one more thing… I felt kind of trolled, as if someone really didn’t want to answer obvious things.
An imposter wouldn’t admit they’re an imposter. So why would anyone else come when I called Satanachia? It is most likely that it didn’t work this time.
ENTRY #24
(I totally messed up the numeration in the previous entry)
Divination time with Satanachia, again. So, relaxation to trance to sigil to flashing to questions:
1: Am I sitting in my couch? (control question): YYNY = Yes. (Correct).
2: Did I contacted a spirit yesterday?: YYYN. = Yes.
3: Am I wearing X? (control question): YYNN = Maybe (I was wearing it, tho, there is no maybe about it).
4: It is a good idea to ask ANGEL X to be my mentor?: YYNN = Maybe.
5: Is there a chair in front of me? (control question): YYYN = Yes. (There was).
6: Will I ever speak again with SOME GIRL?: NNNY = No.
7: Question 4, again: NNYY = Maybe (same answer).
8: Is there a fan in the ceiling? (control question): YYYN = Yes.
9: Do I have the potential to be a good occultist?: NNNY = No (ouch, that hurts)
10: Are you really Satanachia?: NNNN = ¡NO!
If someone has any idea, I would like to hear it. Maybe I just failed again. Or at least that’s what I would like to believe, but I see no point in fooling myself. Then again, if it worked… I was already performing magick so… see the conundrum?
Eh. I’ve not had much luck with pendulums or with penny divination. Tarot however, and signs a spirit is looking for me or someone close to me… those things jump out of nowhere when there’s something to be learned.
ENTRY #25
I still have no luck with divination. But being honest I didn’t devoted too much time to the craft.
Due to the recent success, I’ve decided to start a project. The big one. Again. This will be my milestone, the one I’ve been chasing for months.
I’ll be using the “Lucifer and the hidden demons” grimoire for this one. The books advise against what I’m going to do, saying that it is best to use the grimoire several times before attempting this… but I’m so fucking stubborn and resistent to frustration, that fuck it, I’ll try it. In fact, I already started a few hours ago.
This is a multilayered group of petitions. During a week I’ll be summoning (if that’s even the right verb) one demon a day to work in seven aspects, with the end goal of making someone come back. Why? Well, because it is the perfect example: it is well withing the laws of physics, but highly unlikely. So, if I can pull this one off, I can call myself a newbie no more.
DAY ONE: I worked with the demon Bilek with the purpose of making her change her mind about never speaking with me again.
Didn’t feel anything, but I’m confident enough he has heard me and is on the case.
Why a multilayered working? Because I’ve tried in the past and failed. So it is time for a new approach. Of course, last year I failed at almost everything I tried, so then there is that.
In any event, working on several aspects of all of this will allow me avoid possible backfires. Of course, magick doesn’t work 100% time (but what does, anyway?) so, the higher the number of spirits summoned, the higher the chance that something goes wrong.
Tomorrow I’ll be working in softening her. With dreams. Wet dreams. Wish me luck.
ENTRY #26
Project finished.
One week. Seven demons tasked. Fourteen demons summoned. Here is the list of spirits I worked with this time:
Bilek - To make her change her mind about never speak to me again.
Kalotes - To make her have erotic dreams about me.
Ormion - To make her remember what she likes about me.
Daglus - To make her feel passion for me again.
Bagalon - To make her in awe with me.
Maranaton - To make her submissive in my presence (in the literal sense, since we’re into BDSM)
Dirasilin - To open communication.
It has been some time. I’ve even changed my phone number. Yet… fuck the world, fuck “destiny”, beat destiny to a bloody pulp, make a pact with destiny: do this and I’ll stop asking the money for your lunch… for some time. Fate is just a four letter word. Will is everything.
The point is, if this fails, I’ll try again. And again. And again. Until reality comes with a white flag. Maybe that’s the whole point of magick: to make the world as we are. Even if we have to bore reality to death to get it.
In other order of things, ten days ago I noticed my eyesight seriously diminished. While this is the natural wear for a 37-year-old guy, I wasn’t happy. Eight days ago I performed a ritual with four angels and the goetic demon Amy. Less than 24 hours later, I noticed I wasn’t seeing so blurry. Today, I see the same way I saw a few years ago. It worked. My eyes are way better. My eyesight is less tired (my day has almost ended and I don’t have to force myself to read). If I walk less than a meter ahead, I can perfeclty see the time in my microwave (it is about six meters away from the place I like to put my laptop to write). I couldn’t do that before the ritual.
While my vision isn’t perfect, the ritual has worked. And, well, it has been barely more than a week. Maybe when a month has passed I may have more news.
Did the workings come from somewhere else or yourself?
Now your staring to sound like me lmao.
Me, I think. I mean, I did this project to make something HIGHLY unlikely to happen. So I can graduate from the diapers to the training pants in magick.
Yeah! Let’s make reality surrender, damn it! I want to be a competent occultist one day. I think I’m on the right track.
Have you looked into planatary seals? I like to use the one which is said to : “grant wishes contrary to the order of nature”, along with project I suspect are not likely to occur alone.[quote=“ReyCuervo, post:52, topic:85715”]
So I can graduate from the diapers to the training pants in magick.
[/quote]
You seem to be well on your way. It seems either I miss seeing you around or you occupied but when we align I see progress in you. Lol kinda wish we walked the same path for discussion sake, but man my paths a lonely one and I’ve grown to expect that.
I read this last night and forgot about it. I wasn’t going to respond actually- thinking I had nothing to add for you atm, but the candle I’m using for what I would call by biggest work to date refused to relight when I was ready to do so.
I didn’t even think about, I immediately walked out of my hotel bathroom and but Retrieved my big… idk the lighters you use for grills or deep jarred candles, a pair of scissors and was like:
“nope, this is not how this plays out. Idgaf what the physical world says should happen, I’m in control here and I’m making this happen.”
My thoughts immediately flipped to you. I was like:
“Yep, that’s right. Making the impossible possible one damned ritual at a time.”
Did you want my Skype or discord or something by the way? Seems like I offered and never checked to see if you did lmao…
You are one of the most incredible people here so don’t ever think like that. We love you and would be sad if you left!
Thanks a lot, mate.
I love all of you too!
and don’t worry about it. I’d rather have someone who hated me first and came to love me after realizing who I was then some flake so you’re good and I’m glad you were smart enough to not believe in anything without evidence. Now you have the evidence and you believe, that makes you an incredible person who i am glad I have met!
You thinking of leaving my friend?
Nah, this is my old, abandoned journal from before I started to work in vision.