Cuervo's log of magic and stupid questions

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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ENTRY #14

A few days ago I used to Archer’s ritual on behalf of someone else. Today I spoke with this person. It worked. She has been feeling better. It’s emotional, yes, but that’s exactly what it was intended. Also, if I understood right, is the natural progression… just faster. Way faster, it seems.

It seems I should keep working with that grimoire. It is as powerful as I have been told. I haven’t learned the ritual step by step yet, but I’m getting there.

In other order of things: divination time!

I keep working with Napoleon’s oracle. Today I didn’t want to ask about the hypothetical woman I soon shall meet, the one who will be my “wife” (or live-in girfriend), the one who is going to inherit a fortune at some point. So I asked if I will ever find treasure. Now, I have never found even a dime on the floor, so I thought that would be a fun answer.

And what the oracle told me? That my partner is going to be my treasure. Yes. The damn oracle keeps insisting in speaking about her. Now I know how my best friend felt all those times when I wouldn’t shut up about the girl I just met. Poor woman, I should apologize or something.

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22

ENTRY #15

Several things.

1- I keep reading about Asmodeo, which shouldn’t be weird since I’m in an occultism forum. But I’m interested in him. Maybe I should pour him a drink, invoke and introduce myself? Most likely, but not right now.

2- Suddenly, today I remembered something and I see a pattern. The year was 1997 (yes, I’m old) and a girl in high school just came to me and said to her friend, who was next to me, “I’m going to tell this to [MY NAME], since he is a warlock”. I’m and was a hardcore atheist, but this girl took a liking to calling me “warlock”. Because reasons. Since there were cruel nicknames galore back in the day, and warlock is cool, at least in comparison, I’m not complaining. She then spoke about the oui-ja and being afraid and blah-blah-boring-blah. That wasn’t metal, I wasn’t interested. What? We were 14, of course few things outside metal and literature interested me then. But… remembering this (for no reason, it seems) got me thinking… I have been called “brujo” (that is, warlock) many times. For, again, no reason. Except by my youngest nephew; I used to had quite the beard, so he got the association right, I guess. Oh, well, he didn’t say warlock, he said mage. I guess that has more mana or something.

3- It is January, 16. So I’ve failed in two things. First, I called Buer to help me heal. I asked to see the first results before January 15. I am seeing results… from the new meds my new doctor gave me. That’s no way I’m going the “metaphorically true” route. It was science. Period. Also, I’m not healed, just seeing a slightly improvement.

Second, and this one doesn’t surprise, I have this “Big one”, someone posible but highly unlikely (no, not winning the lottery). This is my big one, the one that’s hard to pull off, the one that should mark the end of an era. I asked Satanachia’s help. It didn’t work. Which is weird, since Satanachia helped me with other two things, and helped me with it the second I asked. BUT… both things were about me and only me, The Big One isn’t.

I’m not really sure what happened. I kind of managed my lust for results. So it may be the doubt. Doubting this one, just because it is The Big One, is kind of my natural reaction. And self doubt seems to be poison for magic. Also, maybe giving deadlines isn’t a good idea. Also, also, this involves another person and I haven’t had news about her in about 18 months, so there is the small, smalllllllll chance she isn’t alive.

I may need a new Big One.

In any event, I managed to get first clear results after my first initial experience in December, 31, 2019. And I made this two after that. So it may all be about needing more practice, in the end.

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23

ENTRY #16

I’ve decided to start a layered long-time project. I am a writer and my work has never been published. Part of this is by choice: I refuse to sign any sort of slavery contract (sexual deviancy notwithstanding, and even the, I’m never the slave). Now… I have to choose. What’s next isn’t a slavery contract, correct, but isn’t that much better. I’m going to loose quite a lot in order to open some doors. And win some money in the process. But, who knows? I have magic now. Maybe I can make it work in some other way. My way.

So, I hereby present you…

THE BESTSELLER PROJECT

1 - Find a marketable idea. —> Marax can help.
2 - Find the perfect opening paragraph. —> Probably nobody can help.
3 - FOCUS! —> Many can help, but I will go with Haures and Machiel.
4 - Give a little push to the judges. —> Forneus?
5 - Popularity. —> The angel Laviah sounds like a solid choice.

You may be wondering why I don’t try to use magic to improve my skills. Well, I’ve read several grimoires and my conclusion is kind of sad: as it happens with historians and philosophers, occultists can’t write to save their lives. It is fine. They are not writers but they have to write anyway. I get it. But occultists surely tried to get spirits and angels and demons to help them. And if the end result is the best they got, well, maybe some stuff I’ve read is wright: a natural born story teller’s brain is just wired differently than the rest. And since I happen to be a natural born storyteller, I’ll say I’m fine.

At least for now. I may change my mind in the future.

The idea is to start tomorrow. Ritual, go for a smoke, watch the stars, calm the fuck down, let the first idea come. I’m sure that’s all I need, since ideas come ALL THE TIME. The magic in the first step should be a filter that let me get something commercially viable.

Then, while I’m a pantser, I’ll try to plot the three or four ideas (inconexed, absurd, can’t work together) that I’ll get. That should give an idea of what the skeleton of the beast looks like. And that’s more than enough.

The focus is to achieve a basic 5000 words per day. Raw work, of course. And while some may think that’s just too much, I say meh, I’ve done way better than that. Then, in two months, I should have a good 300.000 words. Not bad.

That’s when the awful part starts: edit, edit, edit. I hate that part.

The next is going for a prize and making the judges choose my work. Cool thing: the highest paying prize, after the Nobel, is for Spanish speaking writers. Which I am.

Then the popularity part comes. I hate that part. Or at least I think I’m going to hate it. Anyway, a small prize to pay to get better deals in the future. Deals that let me stay at home drinking yerba mate.

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24

ENTRY #17

I’ve been reading quite a lot and not practicing this week. Weird wek.

In any event, I managed to go by point 1 of THE BESTSELLER PROJECT. Just as I said I was going to do. I have 5 plot points. The magic is done. It worked. Period. There are no more plot points, no opening line, no introduction, no title. Is just that. Now I have to get my ass in front of the laptop (or my eyes to the word processor) and start doing the job. Nothing extraordinary, but I haven’t been able to do so during the last days, real life keep getting in the way, I guess.

So, my success at the moment is like this: Orias got someone away for me in the day I wanted so (but not before and not after). Satanachia helped me to improve productivity and to find an item I really needed (but didn’t get someone to reach out to me). Archer’s grimoire proved effective to help someone to emotionally heal and to give me a marketable idea for a book. I have yet to learn if it worked for another person, but I haven’t asked. And doubting like this is probably not a good thing.

Meanwhile, my health issues have been assisted by absolutely nobody. My obsession did slow down when I called Opfaal, but it didn’t last. I called him like 4 times for that. My workings with Sastan to improve my clauriaudience yielded similar results: lots of noise, nothing else. And Marbas, Raphael and Buer couldn’t help with the pressuring matter of some infection that has been aflicting me for a long time. Then again, labs latest results didn’t shed any light on it. Officially, nobody knows what’s happening with me, except that I have an infection of sorts… Penicilin doesn’t work. Treatment for staphylococcus did something… but didn’t cure me. And so on and so on and so on.

All this being said, I asked Buer to heal a fistula. But the new doctor says I don’t have any fistula. So… partial credit? I mean, he can’t heal a condition I don’t have. In my defense, one of the doctors told me he was kind of sure I did have a fistula. But this never beheaves like a fistula… I mean, come on, I know they’re baffled and doing their best to guess what the fuck is wrong with me and throwing everything they can think of. With some luck, something will work, but it has been more than two years with this shit. Point is, I may be able to reach Buer again and just word my petition in some other, more general way.

Because I feel the way I word what I want has something to do with all of this. I try to use the emotional method, but I mix a sentence or two on it. Maybe just out of insecurity, maybe because I just trust words to get things done, probably for both reasons.

Also, I can’t cast spells. Still. So I think I’m going to create my own spells from scratch. If conventional magick doesn’t like me, then I don’t like conventional magic. I’ll start my own. With a casino and whores.

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25

ENTRY #18

I just finished my three day ritual with the Olympic spirit Phul, with the purpose of making my magic stronger. At some point I’ll do the eleven days ritual in Brand’s 72 Angels of Magick for the same purpose. But I started small.

It had to be done by today. I’m facing three days with enough time to actually practice quite a bit. So I’m throwing away the one-ritual-per-day-tops rule I pulled from my ass and going everything-I-can-do-for-the-next-72-hours. I already did a ritual to get some extra money to buy some extra clothes. I didn’t specify the ammount.

And so, I’ve decided to re-evaluate the big one. Two things to take into account before proceding again (which I already did). One, there was SOME issue in the first place, so that may be a blockade that’s still standing. So the plan is to give Satanachia 7 days to work on it. I invoked her and explained the plan, going blindly because I really don’t know what the issue was.

Second, the girl involved may not have a way to reach me (I changed my number, but she had other means… which she may have lost for whatever reason). So I’m changing that, seven days from now, with a method I’m 90% sure will work. And if this doesn’t work, well, I’ll move on and choose something else to be my milestone. I really like her, so I hope we can get in speaking terms again. Of course, this isn’t a “bring ex back” sort of thing, we weren’t a couple. Is just the perfect scenario, she ghosted me for no reason some time ago and it is pretty damn hard to see a way for her to change her mind. Perfectly inside the boundaries of reality, nothing that contradicts physics… yet, out of reach. But magic is able to give us both the push we need.

A week to start with my part, then.

Anyway, tonight I eat my special bifes a la criolla. I shouldn’t have eat that much. Now I feel like I weight seven tons and can’t do anything. I will be like an hour before I feel comfortable enough to do anything other than bashing myself for eating so much. But I have a good reason!!! Damn dish was delicious. So I don’t think I’m doing anything else before going to bed.

This is how a productive day looks like.

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26

ENTRY #19

How to survive seeing your world shattered to pieces? That’s why I’m asking. Over the last three days I’ve done five rituals. I’m not really thinking about it. I did it fast, dedicating the least amount of time possible and calling it a day. I’m not lusting for results. I’m not doing anything. I’m not even impatient. I just AM.

That should be great, right? Well, it isn’t. I’ve the idea fixed in my mind: the more results I get, the harder will be to keep my understanding of the world unscathed. And at some point, I’ll have to deal with something that fills me with anxiety: what if I am wrong? What if I have always been wrong? What if all my fucking atheism was for nought? What if the damn afterlife does exist in some capacity? What if the so called spirits are not archetypes? That’s horrible.

I refuse, by all means, to bow or to kneel to anyone. God, demon, angel, spirit, king, president or general. This is kind of a cultural thing, I know, since I’m from a country that was invaded by four empires and survived a bloody dictatorship. But then, what?

I keep reading here the idea of not one afterlife, but many, and that sounds way better. Maybe find a desolated place for myself and construct something? Yeah… but that sounds like fiction to me. Shouldn’t be a problem, a year ago all about magic was fiction to me, and here I am, doing rituals, trying to doing divinations and casting spells and even having some results. How can I not believe in magic? I fear I will eventually say “How can I not believe entities exists as their own individuals?”. I keep thinking and thinking and thinking about entropy and the end of all things. And the more I read the more I hate myself for not understanding something, it seems, everyone else has already figured out.

I envy so much some of you, guys, who had talked with spirits from a young age. And I hate past-me for thinking people like you were a bunch of inferior morons not worthy of my time. Sorry, that’s what I thought. And I mean it: I am sorry. I don’t think I’m a better person now.

Anyway, that’s for an update on my identity crisis.

The things I want from my latest rituals:

-More power to my magick (time will tell).

-Some extra money to buy new clothes (not as shallow as it may seem, I really need to buy new things, I have a pair of shoes that will be a decade old any moment day now).

-Protection for my house (some guy entered the other day without my consent; I just invited him to my front yard, he followed me to the kitchen while I went to look for something).

-New working with Satanachia for the big one. She hasn’t really failed me. The more I think about it, the more it seems there wasn’t a path for the magic to work, so that has been taking into account for this new chapter. But I’m afraid I may be idealizing someone. And that’s never a good thing.

-And to make a neighbor less noisy. Which may be redundant, since I was just informed today they were being so loud since they have some people staying at their house and everything will be back to normal in a couple of days, top.

In other order of things, I toyed today with the bestseller project. Tried to take a few notes, but I couldn’t deal with myself (it happens sometimes) and ended up writing the first page. I don’t like it. I can do better, so I think I’ll just erase everything, or at least I will do some heavy re-writing.

And that’s enough occultism for a day.

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27

ENTRY #20

I haven’t been practicing since the marathon of rituals, about a month ago. I really wanted to slow down and let things manifest.

I don’t think I have good news.

-More power to my magick —> I don’t know if it worked or not. Most likely, not.

-Extra money —> NO. Just no.

-Protection for my house —> Maybe? I mean, nothing happened, but if my house is protected, nothing is supposed to happen. It’s kind of moronic, if it worked, nothing happens. But if it didn’t work, there is no real reason for anything to happen either.

-The big one —> is not going well. I gave Satanachia 2 weeks instead of one. I did my part. No news. Nothing.

-Less noisy neighboor —> Totally worked. But they had visitors from another city, and they left town in the exact date they were supposed to do so. So, no matter if it worked or not, the outcome is exactly the same.

I don’t know. Doesn’t look like success to me.

I’ve been thinking on other things. In the past, I’ve tried to work with Opfaal, the Angel of Deliverance, for a problem of obsession with some girl. It worked in less than an hour, I experienced a reduction of about 90% in the measurable things (how many times I mentally call her name; etc). But it never lasted more than a day.

After a lot of work, mental work, trying to understand, I now have a new insight on my obsession and the role it plays in my life. And it isn’t pretty, but it is necesary. Opfaal may have not taken the obsession fully because I wasn’t aware of one single fact: I need that obsession to deal with other stuff. I’ll solve that stuff, no matter what, and I’ll try again.

I’m so fucking tired.

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28

If I’m not back in ten minutes, wait a longer.

Mostly, just wait a little longer or put more energy into each working as you go. If it’s going to work I’m so drained after I want a three course meal and sixteen hours of sleep.

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29

Thanks for the comment. I really need to hear that.

Problem is, I’ve waited for a little more than a month, just to be sure. And I’m sure I wasn’t lusting for results. Maybe I did something else wrong? Maybe I should have not tried to do several rituals in so little time?

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well, there’s nothing wrong with doing several rituals in one go but that creates a flux of energy which sort of clashes with one another, like say you did a ritual for money… and another ritual for another purpose… the energy which comes up from these tend to clash cause the matter’s are quite different and that could slow down the process of your wanted desires…it’s like the energies are mixing but that also slows down since one of them needs to be completed, if you get my point but if they were related to the same goal, it would work one way or another

nothing wrong there but at some point, you just let it go and feel the stuff like it has been already completed, that creates a belief for more opportunities to flow and get the work completed quickly if time is given

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31

Awful lot of doubt there for a guy who wants manifestations…

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32

I understand where people are coming from here with this opinion but I disagree. I’ve gone from love to baneful five minutes later and have done also done the reverse successfully.

It’s really a matter of wrapping up the subject and moving onto the next completely for me.

Each thing I’m influencing needs my complete attention for… a min, but when that minutes up I can move I to the next task if my energy is able to sustain another working. Often it is, I don’t work everyday but sometimes I have eight hours sessions when I do. I focus then come back to being mostly human till the next thing needs nudged, or things.

I actually prefer to break things down into steps. If I need Bake cookies I need to turn on/preheat the oven and blah blah, then blah blah. I usually tackle all the issues for each problem separately but in one ritual. Sometimes I realize I need to attack another side of the problem later and do a mini working to add it on. Other times I go from influencing the boyfriends brother, to eliminating someone to protecting my daughter in the span of hours.

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33

THIS TO BE HONEST. I see how true that is.

But I mean, for a beginner like myself, that may be a bit too much so I just take it slow, if you know what I mean

Like yesterday I had evoked Belial and Glasya-Labolas in one go because I wanted to curse someone’s ass.

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34

Yup. This describes me really well. I’ve been dealing with my identity crisis for some time and it wouldn’t be so crazy to think that, at some unconscious level, I don’t want it to work. That’s another issue I have to tackle. And I don’t know how.

Everything is a little confusing right now. That’s why I needed to slow down, clear my head, and not to think that much about magick.

I’ve been kind of suicidal again for the last couple of weeks. That’s not new. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts from a young age. I can take it. But I posted again because I’ve been feeling better today, again, this is normal, it just happens and I have to live with it. I think I’m ready to work with magick again.

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35

I swear it’s easier to… just accept things. Whatever they are.

Wow this supernatural/paranormal shit is real. Wtf am I and how is this possible and why … man Fck it all. Who cares. I want answers to lots of things, I struggle somedays with nobody even begins to know what I am capable of…

Then other days I look at the roommate and the boyfriend and the fact the three of us have traced we had to meet back to at least thirteen years ago, and go wow. Not crazy, proof all around me if I open my eyes.

I won’t pretend to know what your identity crisis is, but I lost myself once and it took a while to figure it out. Thirteen years actually. All the thirteens in my life. Thirteen years lost. Thirteen years with an asshole. Thirteen years old when one of my brothers was born. Thirteen years older than the boyfriend. Boyfriends thirteen years old than my daughter.

Excuse me, I just had a wtf moment crash into your thread and the explosion leaves me no longer having any idea where I was going…

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36

I want to. Trust me: I want. But it is insanely hard to me.

Don’t worry, you’re always welcome to crash in this thread :slight_smile:

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37

Lol I don’t why that is- but thank you. Seems I always have lots to say lmao.

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38

Nah, thank you. The insight is good.

I’ll try to get some sleep. We’re in carnavales right now but that’s not an excuse to stop working tomorrow.

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39

ENTRY #21

After the debate the other day about Lucifer’s sigil and the grimoire “Lufifer and the hidden demons”, I decided I had to read this book. I just finished and it is really good that I did.

While it is a little controversial and has several pages too many (the author could have said exactly the same without going on and on about it 300 times, but this is a recurring issue with occultists, historians, philosophers and other people who have to write without being writers), it has given me the method that’s closest to my own strenghts. What it asks is not something I can just do, but do really well, since it is essentially what I do every single day of my life. But easier.

I think I’ll be working with this grimoire really soon. Maybe even today, since I have hour and a half ahead, at least.

Several of the names in the book are new to me, and that’s interesting. Also, it is the first book (that I have read) to explicitly talk about Lucifer’s powers. And it is implicit that any power not listed in the grimoire should be taken to the man himself, so technically this could be an “everything you can think of” type of solution. This is important to me, since I’ve lived with a nasty bacterial infection for years now, and just recently my newest doctor have found a combination of meds that have some real impact. I’ve tried magic for this, to no avail. Then again, my success with magic is limited, really limited, but still real.

Oh, and the pathworking starts like this:

You stand in a rock-strewn desert. There are mountains on the horizon

This is a picture of La Payunia, in western Argentina:

https://images.app.goo.gl/ztZ19gUzo61WSdTL9

It ends with that advise we all have read: to keep quiet about our magic. I think I’ll make just that from now on.

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40

Hello Cuervo! :black_heart::metal:t4:

Can I ask you why you are doing the rituals in spanish? My first language is spanish too, but when I am doing magick from an english autor I find it easier to do it in english. I was afraid of having bad results if I try to do the rituals in spanish. Just curious…
Hope you are good! :slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face::slightly_smiling_face:

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