Cuervo's log of magic and stupid questions

ENTRY #1

Right now, I’m working on my clauriaudience. I’m trying to get Sastan, a Spirit from Kingdom of Flame, to help me.

Over the last couple of days I got my first alien-thoughts as I call them, small sentences in a distinct voice that I don’t recognize as my own.

Today I practiced twice and twice opened Sastan’s sigil. The first one didn’t go se well. But the second one was interesting.

First, I tried to open the square. I don’t know if I opened it or not. Then I opened Sastan’s sigil. I think I managed to do it. Then, I thought very loudly CLAURIAUDIENCE! and went to my couch, to do the exercise to open the third eye, that one were I relax my body and then focus my attention where my third eye is supposed to be. I’ve been experiencing some pressure there for some time, but tonight I felt far more, more pressure, more defined and in the areas surrounding the forehead. Eyes and temples, to be precise.

I heard several things. For the first time, a woman’s voice saying abused or to abuse. This is just one word in Spanish and I’m not sure which one did she said. Then I heard “[Lastname], Concepción”. Which is a woman’s name. Noteworthy: the last name was my grandmother’s maiden name. Then something else that I couldn’t really catch… most likely because I didn’t pay enough attention. And lastly, something that I think sounds kind of “According to you” or “Speak for yourself”. The Spanish sentence was “Eso decís vos” and both translations are appropiate.

Most importantly, I got glimpses of common things I have around the house. I thought it was just my imagination kicking in, but then I saw kind of a panel of a house, a tree and part of the sky, it was the twighlight, I believe. This was like in a space of the darkness I see while my eyes are closed, is difficult to describe.

I got feelings of tingling in my body during a good chunk of the exercise.

Then I thanked Sastan and banished.

I think this was progress. But I’m not sure about what the images could mean, if anything. Any thoughts about it are welcome.

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Honestly this is a weird life and weird shit happens when your senses start kicking in.

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You’re entirely right, @Keteriya !

ENTRY #2

Did as before, meditating on Sastan’s sigil, going to do the exercise. But I couldn’t get anything at all. Except for one thing.

This afternoon I was working in my laptop and kind of listened 10 times in a row the same song. I’m not really sure how did I got to that son, it’s an old local band, the album was published back in the early 90’s, when I was a kid. I didn’t like it then, I still don’t like punk, but for some reason, I got hooked up on that song. And I didn’t think about it in all day.

But the song was playing in mind all the time while I was meditating. I couldn’t stop it. I was frustrated, but then I thought… what if the damn song is a message?! So I opened my eyes and came running to tell you, maybe someone can help me?

Here is the song and the translated lyrics

HEAVEN CAN WAIT

Too drunk
Too forgotten
Too astray for this country

I’m going nowhere
Death is waiting for me
I’ve a place waiting for me in the cemetery

Heaven, heaven can wait
Heaven can wait.
Heaven can wait.
| I want to be in the streets, oh, no

Too drunk
Too forgotten
Too astray for this country

The state (goverment) hunts me
Death is waiting for me
I have a place waiting for me in the cemetery

Heaven, heaven can wait
Heaven can wait.
Heaven can wait.
| I want to be in the streets, oh, no

In the nights I have to steal to eat
This world have nothing for me to lose

Everyone wants to see me dead
Everyone wants to see me dead
Everyone wants to see me dead, (executed) by the cops

I know they’re waiting for me
Maybe they’re already at my side
Everyone wants to see me in the cemetery

Heaven, heaven can wait
Heaven can wait
Heaven can wait
Hell is my place, oh, no

Heaven can wait
(Oh, no), Heaven can wait
(Oh, no), Heaven can wait
(Oh, no), Heaven can wait

Thanks, people.

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ENTRY #3

NEWS… quite literally. Tonight in my daily exercise I listened more than ever before… but everything sounded as a journalist reading news. Also… I did recognize the name of a local news show. I wonder if I’m acutally developing clauriaudience or if my brain is just pulling stuff from my memory or something.

Anyway, I even recognized MY voice, as it sounds in a recording. It said “My name is [MY NAME]”. In a happy way. It was the only thing with any non-neutral emotions I heard. And I’m many things, but not a happy dude. This is kind of weird.

Also, one question for anyone reading:

I just started taking one particularly strong antibiotic, for a week. One of the possible secundary effects is hallucinations. Should I stop doing this exercise for a week or I am fine?

ENTRY #4

Notes on my first year dabbling in magic.

1- I’m finishing the right way: getting results. I’ve really no memory of the details of the ritual (if I can call it that), so it’s hard to think in anything different I did to get results. It may just be, as I always suspected, just a matter of practice and time poured into the path. In any event, in this hours I’m enjoying the results, even if I had know for some time that it worked.

2- I have been a moron in one regard: thinking that the occult community could be different than any other in the world. Most people here is always nice and helpful. Then, there is one or two jerks around. This kind of people want others to fail. But I’m not failing. Not even slowing down. Okay, yes, I’m getting results slowly, but not slower than I when I learned any other skill.

3- Magic is a very small aspect of my life, or what’s the same, it takes a little bit of my day. I hope it stays this way. I don’t want to think what would happen if I lost myself in all of this.

4- Spells can backfire in many ways, I have been told. Even hillarious ways. My second attempt got me kind of what I wanted… but it involved a person and it wasn’t the right person. I had a good laugh with that.

5- Healing magic seems like something that needs daily dedication. Which makes sense: healing is a process.

6- I never managed to get rid of my obsession. So I said fuck it and worked around to it to make it an asset: now I use my obsession to avoid lusting for results. It’s fine, I never use magic to anything related to the focus of my obsession. And I don’t think I ever will. Hopefully.

7- I’ve toyed with the idea of using magic to become better at what I do. I will toy no more. Good or bad, I can do it myself. And if I fail, well, at least I’ll fail as myself. Of course I can use magic for things related, so to achieve a better focus and such.

8- After reading this forum a lot something has not changed. All the baneful magic in the world looks way weaker than good ol’ fists. Violence still works better than anything. Another hint of something I’m thinking more and more: humanity as a whole is much more powerful than we think.

9- On the component of imagination, I believe taking all of this as playing a scene in a theater play and then STAYING IN CHARACTER may be one of the keys for success. Talking about “intent” really doesn’t say too much.

10- My clauriaudience is still shitty. I hope it gets better in 2020.

ENTRY #5

Fuck. Me.

“¡Magia!” she said. Which is translated, yes, as “Magic!”. My best friend is free of her health issues, issues that demanded the damn scalpel. And I did that. Or so it seems. Some time ago I tried to cure her with a sigil. I forgot about it. But it seems it worked. And the fact that she said “Magic” may be the most fucking clear sign ever.

It seems my lust for results is the only thing that has been stopping me for some time. It goes deeper than I thought and, as always, I’m my worst enemy.

But this fucking thing WORKS. No doubts. Now… how the fuck do I translate that into my own actions? That’s the biggest question in my life right now.

Oh, well… I don’t know if I did cure her. I’m just trying to no doubt myself.

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ENTRY #6

Last night I invoked Satanachia. And I learned something about enns.

Aguante is a Rioplatense Spanish one-word idiom that translates to English as “Don’t ever quit”. “El Aguante”, those que never quit as long as you don’t quit, is how we call those who support an artistic endevour, such as music. In the underground metal scene, being part of el aguante means you pay your ticket for the concert and go to the pit and chant your lungs out on communion with the moment, the song and your peers. It has a lot of emotion and energy. And that’s the point.

I used Satanachia’s enn as if I was 20 years old again, in a pit, doing pogo (which isn’t John Wayne Gacy, but Rioplatense Slang for mosh), communing with a band, a song and the people around. Instead, I was communing with Satanachia. And whispering, because it was after midnight and I didn’t want to get kicked out of the 'hood. All that energy and emotion went into the communication. And I think it worked flawlessly.

This may be the very first time an enn works for me.

ENTRY #7

Invoked Satanachia and offered her a glass of scotch. Part of what I’m supposed to give her once the favor I asked becomes a reality. It didn’t become a reality yet, but I wanted to give her the scotch anyway. It doesn’t have anything to do with what I asked her.

I just felt like I should give her the damn scotch. And I don’t know why. That was interesting. It just felt right.

ENTRY #8

First successful divination!

I used Lady Eva’s tutorial for the “Napoleon Oracle thing stuff of answers”, as I’m calling it from now on. And it worked. It seems I got a new tool in my rather small bag of magic tricks.

For anyone in need of answers, it is a highly recomended tool, it may need a little bit of interpretation, but it should be easy, even if it looks a little like cold reading. It isn’t… I mean, there is no math magic going on for the book to know what the fuck was I thinking, so it is clear in that regard. I plan on keep using it. And also in develop some other tool to do the same. I was going to invoke a spirit to help me with it, but this seems like a better idea: I should be able to do things on my own, no spirits needed. Otherwise, my humanity-as-Superman-and-Superman-beats-all-the-demons hypothesis would go to hell (no pun intended).

That’s progress right then and there. It is slow, but it IS, so I’m at peace with it.

ENTRY #9

Well, that was weird. And cool. Insanely cool.

So, over the last couple of days I had this booooring task to do. Today, I got it again, but the total I had was more than I did in the past together. So I was in for a very awful and boring while.

I remembered I’ve read here there are spirits that can help you to experiment time in another way. Speed it up in a long flight. Slow it down when you’re having fun. That kind of thing.

So I started repeating “Satanachia, Satanachia, Satanachia” until I got kind of “in the zone”, for lack of a better term. I really didn’t feel anything, but I explained my issue: this will take too long, can you help me to feel like it moves faster?"

That was not what happened. But I got results anyway, BETTER results. My most modest math told me it was going to take 100 minutes (yes, I’m counting in minutes, sorry not sorry) to finish it. It took me 70. So, 30%. Which is way cooler. At some point I realized what was going on and said “Well, if I finish before X thing, I’ll invite you a drink”. With two or three minutes left, I pull it off. With Satanachia’s help, of course.

I invoked Satanachia and poured a drink for her, as I said.

Why Satanachia? Because I think I can learn a lot from her and I want a long-term working relationship with her.

I have experimented boosts in productivity before, that’s how I discovered magic, but it was with an intellectual task. This was entirely mechanical. And it was amazing. Maybe it is a little surprising how normal does it feel.

But I think I can write this down in my still small list of success.

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sounds awesome

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It was!

ENTRY #10

I’m having an identity crisis or something. My atheism hasn’t been too much of a problem until now. What do I believe, if anything at all? I have made my peace with the concept of just existing now and then becoming nothing at all. I was mad at how insanely short life is, but I was at peace. Okay, a little scared, but just a little.

But what now? Coincidences con only go so far. What am I doing? Hacking reality but just thinking really hard? What if everyone is right? That’s a pretty stupid thing to think since everyone claims, basically, to own the truth. Except that they do not. Religions do it, while pursuing political power and wealth. Individuals not so much. I can’t punch one idea. And there are many ideas I want to punch.

And, in all honestly, I don’t feel like I can stop being an atheist. Then again, I feel I’m mature enough and reasonable enough to change according to any new information I get. And then I don’t think people changes at all. I can mumble all day. So I stopped overthinking and went for a little experiment.

I started to get bald at 13. I have been shaving my head for 10 years. I’m almost 37 now. And I’ve accepted baldness as just something more I’m, one in thousands of little things that makes me ME.

So I called a spirit that seems appropiate and presented my case. I won’t lust for results. I don’t think I’ll even remember tomorrow. As I said, I have accepted baldness. That’s why I’m writing this down here. Also, I have the sigil in my notebook.

And that’s enough occultism for today.

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Entry #11

I’m just finishing reading The Magick of Angels and Demons, by Henry Archer. It has a lot in common with Brand’s Demons of Magick, but the core ritual is way simpler. I like it. It’s way better for people like who sucks at everything. I’ve just took some notes and summarized the whole thing in 13 steps. I don’t think I will nail it the first time because I won’t be able to remember every single thing.

Anyway, I’m doing it in Spanish so I have the problem to get all the names right. Michael is Miguel, that’s fine. But all the others? The others, the majority, are just new words with new sounds. I can’t even master the porteño sound of the LL in Spanish. I think I will have to improvise. The author states in his book that I don’t have to nail it, just get close enough, so I’m not backing down.

I haven’t choose a duet of spirits to work with, in fact, I still have some pages to go, but I’m working with this ritual, and very soon.

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Well. I keep following this, even though I decline to comment in most of it. It seems like your on the right track to me. A lot of the experiences you write about, I’ve had in the last year so-I’m feeling positive atm and I’m certain you should as well.

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Thanks a lot! I have a lot of doubts, reading that helps me quite a lot. Thank you again!

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Honestly, I’ve found this to be a kinda lonely path. I don’t fully relate to all the newbies on here despite being there not long ago. I’ve got a few friends I’ve known a long time thst I can talk to this about and the boyfriend and thst helps. I’m still the only one practicing and sometimes I can tell… they don’t fully get it. I read your journal though and I go … well thst was me nine months ago, three months ago etc. I’ve also found es koettjng writes like … he’s experienced some of what I have as well. That’s all good and makes me feel better for sure.

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That makes two of us, for sure.

ENTRY #12

Today I used for the first time Archer’s ritual from The Magick of Angels and Demons. And it was way easier than I thought it would be. I’ll be performing this ritual again, many times, I suspect. Also, I performed the ritual on another person’s behalf. That was interesting.

Now, for something entirely different:

Hypothesis and conjectures on the topic of magic, Plato, money and atehism.

What a salad of stuff, am I right?

So, going to basics: Plato, in his famous allegory of the cavern, said that men sees shadows on the wall and thinks that’s existence. The goal of life, therefore, is to go outside the damn cavern and take a look at what is projecting those shadows in the first place.

Also, he said (and I can’t remember where, for the life of me) that there are three degrees of existence (not sure if that’s the right verb in English) The imitation, like a paint or a photography of a chair, at the lowest. In the middle, the chair itself. And above, the idea of the chair, the concept of the chair, its essense, or what’s the same, WHAT THE THING IS. I can break all the chairs in my house but I never can destroy the idea of the chair.

Now, this looks like something that has nothing to do with magic, but I think I’m up to something, at least something relevant to me.

So, if there is an idea and that’s the TRUE thing and everything else are lower degrees that can be imitated, destroyed, then what a god (angel, demon, spirit) would be but the idea itself? The world can’t contain anything but the world itself; Lucifer can’t be anything but the idea of Lucifer.

Now, this being said, ideas are indestructible but not for that immune to change. We have the idea of a car (a thing with wheels moved by an artifact), yes, but the details (are we still calling those accidents?) change in order to improve (now we have things with wheels moved by an artifact and seatbealts).

This ever-changing-but-still-the-same concept may explain a thing or two. Why, then, spirits remain the same? Because they don’t. We have a thousand interpretations about every single one of them. Even obscure ones. Everyone explain something a little different. Over the years the grimoires have extended their powers and people perform the rituals and get results. Did they become more powerful over time? Or did we make them more powerful over time? I know for sure we have made cars better over time.

Ideas have power. And idea is the second most powerful force in existence, and that’s not a bad place to be at all. I’ll explain myself: money exists mostly as information. Ones and zeros in databases. Just a little fraction has ever been printed. Nevertheless, it conditions all of our lives. We’re always searching for it. And one person too many devote their life to pursue it. The only thing above it is good old violence. No amount of money (and no amount of magic) will stop a nuke once it has been fired. But we don’t need to go that far away: same applies to fists. The only thing capable of opposing it is more violence. Maybe in the form of a well timed block. But other than that, you can run. Maybe you’ll outrun your pursuer. And you’ll never outrun a nuke.

Now, how does all this get together? Well, in my current identity crisis I’m kind of trying to make sense of things. So what I’m thinking is this: if ideas exists and can change and have power… then those same ideas can be conjured in order to obtain change. We do it with money. And we can do it with other things.

Some very hard math out there tries to explain a fourth dimention and there is a simmetry between that explanation and some centuries old concepts about Asmodeus (in the form of experiences that can’t be proved, of course, but that can’t obey to the math either, since such knowledge is fairly recent). There is a good chance that we’re hitting something in the fabric of reality itself, with magic. And now everyone can claim for my head to be put in a pyke, but… what if magic and math have something in common after all?

I have never understood math as science. It is a language to me. And magic very well may be a language to change reality itself. Because the universe can be described (in a very boring way) with an equation. Now… what if magic can alter this equation?

We’re neanderthals with a very basic grasp of communication. But maybe, just maybe, that’s the whole point. And there is no adult around to teach us.

This is all a bit nuts on my part, I know, and I’m painfully aware I’m doing some mental juggle to try to reconcile magic with my atheism.

Anyway, this is what I believe today. Maybe a year from now I’ll have a different answer.

This.

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ENTRY #13

I’m using Eva’s tutorial to start with divination. Yesterday was funny: I asked if I’m going to be happier this year than I was in 2019. The oracle said that marriage will give me much happiness! Yay! Except that I fucking hate marriage. But there is one “close enough” that I like: live-in girlfriend in a very specific relationship (yes, I’m a pig).

Today, of course, I asked about the woman herself. The oracle said she is… going to be rich, in time. Oh, and that I should use the money well. Thank you, oracle, I was thinking about making paper boats with the bills. All sarcasm aside, I get it: invest it. But how? It won’t be MY money. Advice, maybe? Of course, you dumbass Cuervo! You have magic now. You can actually get information about the future, and if I get a live-in girlfriend this year that eventually becomes rich, things become full circle.

I’m also developing a very stupid, and with some luck effective, method to become better at the ritual I’m getting to know, the one in Archer’s book. The plan is simple: change the names and repeat the hell of it. So, the ruling Angel becomes “Peter”, attending angel one becomes “Josh”, etc. After a week or so I think I’ll have memorized it. Then I would just need to write down the real names to help my memory during the real rituals.

And that’s enough occultism for a day.

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ENTRY #13.5

I should be in bed right now, but this deserves a mention.

I’ve an appointment with a new doctor tomorrow and there is this piece of paper I REALLY need. I lost it. I couldn’t find it. Fuck it, I said. I called again on Satanachia, sigil, enn, “I lost it and I really need it, help me to find it, I’ll pour you a drink tomorrow”. Banish. Go for a smoke to calm down. After that, to look again.

It took me less than one minute to find and it was below a box I have here at my left, where I put my external hard drive and such. I would have never find it, but I looked there because… well, because Satanachia probably made it catch my attention. I just looked in two other places before that, both places called “floor”. And not Jansen, sadly.

HAIL SATANACHIA!

PS: Yes, I’m so fucking stubborn I am still an atheist. I wonder for how long.

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