I have posted before of my difficulties working with angelic spirits. To put it succinctly, they never provide real results for me, but I get a lot of good and positive feelings. I feel constantly lured to angelic magic, especially when doing work with demons, something in myself wants to call on angels instead.
Every time I do I feel angry, short tempered, and feel like I should do bad things. Which is the opposite of what I would expect. When I work with demons the effects are immediately and pronounced, even if not what I intentioned, something happens, something that is clearly showing me that a spirit is in play.
Last time I was told to do a soul reading, and while it spoke to me it didn’t address my problems, the book recommendations were nice, I felt I established contact…but same behavioral problems and lack of success.
I was suggested to look at my birth chart and work with spirits that aligned with it…and still the same results.
I feel like I get into contact, nice words are said, they are like “sure we will help you”. Then nothing happens, and my emotions go crazy as described above.
Does anyone have any ideas of what this might be, what the problem could be, why do I feel so draw. To these beings if nothing works when I interact with them. Do they just not like me?
I think you answered our own question in your intro, and it sounds like a mater of projection of expectation being reflected back at you.
My biggest struggles are definitely a forced dark/light dichotomy that constantly gets instilled in my brain, as I feel forced to take a side that does nothing for me, and standing between them I feel powerless to do anything.
This headspace is going to messing with the energy. Magick all about energy being directed by your mind, and parts of your mind is set on “angels bad”, while other pars of you are “take another look”. This inner conflict is a magick killer, you need clear strong intentions so the magick knows where to go.
You’ve also told yourself you can’t fix it, so imo, that needs to be the first thing to resolve regardless of what else you do. You definitely can do a lot about it.
I think you have two options, and both are about knowing yourself.
Keep trying the same old, it might be uncomfortable, but every time you get the chance of getting another pieced of the puzzle. Ask the angels themselves why you do this? Ask them to heal you, and if they say no get them to detail what they would have done and why they can’t so you can do it yourself.
This is the “persevere” and push through approach.
As there’s an issue that isn’t easy to fix head-on, and you’ve tried, change tactics and go at it sideways. Give yourself a big break from angels, like, a year… use the time to work on yourself and your energy, learn as much as you can about yourself and why you think what you do, why you like demons, maybe do a pathworking through the Goetia or a modern grimoire of new entities.
Then, as a more experienced mage go back to the angel that gave you the least problems and ask it the same questions as in 1.
And of course check for parasites or lesser entities that themselves hate “angels” and have a good cleanse to make certain it’s all you and not something embedded that you picked up years ago.
Maybe this can help you: lately I’m working with angels (and an incubus, long story), but all my life I’ve worked magic with demons like Belial. Both types of entities are very useful, but there are big differences.
If you allow me the comparison, going to a demon is like going to a loan shark, and going to an angel is like going to work for a company. Let me explain: the demon will always be happy to help you, it is fast and effective, but it involves a pact. This is not always a bad thing even though it has been viewed pejoratively for hundreds of years. There are very beneficial pacts with great results. It has worked for me in the past.
Angels, on the other hand, do not work through covenants but they do require commitment and long term involvement. It is like having a job. It does not mean that you owe them blind loyalty, but you must be very clear about your intentions at all times and involve your forces 100%. It’s not about choosing sides, it’s about being clear about who you are and what you want. Also, angels are good at metaphysical and spiritual matters, while demons tend to deal more with the material. And as I always recommend, study Kabbalah. Besides useful it is a wonderful ancestral knowledge .
It seems you got actual contact with them, which must be nice. Perhaps work with the archangels for a while, and give the rest a pause until you want to re approach them?
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