Hi hun. Im so sorry about what you have been going through. Ive been reading through all this and what you have been going through really breaks my heart. The guy you have is really messed up in the head. It is sad of what he has had to put up with when it comes to the deaths of people he knew, but think about this. Some of the worst people in the world (like serial killers for example) become who they are because of bad experiences.
Seeing that you would rather heal him than hurt him, that shows that you really do have a beautiful heart. Remember that no matter how many times he ever says or does hurtful things to you, none of it is true. You are a strong woman. I know that from coming from a home of abuse you are accustomed to it, but that doesnt mean its a good thing. I know you love that guy but all he is doing is taking advantage of how much you love him. Real love is about not hurting the other person. If you keep on submitting to all that he does and to all his apologies afterwards, all that does is give him more power to do more harm. No matter how much you have gone through you have the power and strength within yourself to have self-respect. Do not worry about getting even more pain here, this is a place of no judgement and total respect. Im here for you and we all are too.
Oh thank you so much. I am really grateful for this place, for the people who have taken a moment out of their lives to spare on me. It means so much, you really have no idea. I donât deserve it, but I am grateful for your care, your interest and your kindness.
And yes, I see that he may have been taking advantage of my feelings for him. I suspected he was doing it subconsciously but the day he came home and proclaimed I was âso fucking stupid, so fucking gullibleâ i realized it was puposeful. It hurt, deeply, but I see also, that in my attempt to prove my unconditional love, I was allowing him to experience a whole new level of abuse/predatory behavior he had not experienced before. So, not only was it unacceptable for me, as far as self-love and self-respect, but I think I actually facilitated his descent to a much darker place, internally, where he was able to completely âobjectifyâ another human being and use them as an outlet for his inner frustrations giving his personal demons their own playgroundâŚmy body. In my complacency and desperate need to please him and prove myself, I inadvertently, helped him to become corrupted. I carry the burden of his easement into the next level of cruelty/violence he has now learned to enjoy. I feel I have irreperably damaged him and donât wish for any other human being to pay the price for my complacency in any way, whatsoever. So yes, Iâm willing to do anything to remove the stain on his soul that I feel I helped place there which has evolved into a doorway to darkness that cannot be denied. I accept my responsibility and wish to repair what I have broken or altered by sheer ignorance and lack of self- respect. Any reading materials that anyone believe I should begin with, on my journey through majick, would be very much appreciated. I am committed and will do the work. Thank youđ¤
Do me a favor: stop blaming yourself. Youâre not responsible for HIS actions. In the same way youâre not responsible if someone steals your phone. Youâre allowed to walk on the street with your cell. Youâre allowed to live your life.
To be honest, spellcasting isnât going to help you in your current situation.
You need to work on yourself. It sounds like a co-dependant relationship which is unhealthy. Iâm not trying to be horrid to you, but you come off as being desperate and needy, which I completely understand if youâve moved to a new city and youâve not got your bearings or started to make friends. You also come off as being unconfident, and that would make it hard to make friends easily.
You need to be strong and you need to reconnect with your worthiness. You are an extremely worthy being, even if you donât feel like that now.
Lucifer would be a great being for you to work with. I suggest Astarte as well. Theyâll be able to help you remember your innate worth, and reconnect with who you really are. in time, youâll become strong, powerful, confident, and youâll change your dominant vibrational frequency so that you never attract weak, abusive humans into your life again.
You could do a prayer to your ancestors and/or spirits of your choosing to help remove the negativity, hexs or straight bad luck but itâs a personal thing. You could just infuse the ingredients with your intention of âremovingâ what you need to as well. Prayers are just a tool like everything else, they are there for the magicianâs needs, not a requirement.
