Buddhist Tantra Is Too Complicated & Gatekept

General Discussion
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The more I read about it, the more complicated it is getting and the more lost I am becoming.

Why is the tradition so gatekept under initiation?

Why is one told they will go to a hell realm or not even attain an feats or results if one is nat physically initiated by a Lama/Guru and enters a mandala?

Why so much nihilism it seems. All this talk of renunciation and suffering makes life seem not worth living. Magicians live in suffering and transform it.

I seek to use attachment and desire by intentionally cultivating it which goes against everything buddhism teaches. There is no isolation and no renunciation on my path (except for renunciation of selfishness and the idea of separation.)

I honestly don’t know why I’m so interested in Kalachakra. The texts are super hard to find and ones I do find are too expensive to get and don’t offer enough information as it is. Also, Kalachakra initiation is rare to find and partake in. As far as I know one CANNOT practice Kalachakra properly without an empowerment by a guru and entering a mandala.

I’m trying to forge a path and get stuck every time because I have no interest in western paganism and am finding these Indian paths closed and locked in nothing be secrecy. Not very many people on here practice Kalachakra or any Buddhist tantras. Most of them on here are Hindu, practicing either Shakti or Bhairava tantras.

If I actually started attending a Dharma Center/Buddhist School, theoretically if I could, I would likely be told that my view is completely messed up and be forced to drop everything that I believe in.

I’m also not ready for a guru that makes you see them as a Buddha or deity that can do no wrong and possibly use that power to get by with doing harmful things like abuse (I have read stories about this happening.)

This is what I get for developing an interest in the Vajrayana tradition solely from realizing that I was building a path based on it in my fictional universe I was creating for my novel. Somehow I was world building the Vajrayana system as a ways for the characters to develop supernormal feats and abilities like the Star Wars Jedi without even realizing it until I did the research on the subject which I now find fascinating.

But trying to develop the system into a real means of Tantric practice is hard to do because its based on a real living Dharma tradition that requires empowerment and has texts that are too expensive to acquire.

Any help would be appreciated. I don’t mind sharing more.

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Nobody owes you their time and information.

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Based on what you wrote im not even sure what your true intent is or what specifically you want help with trying to get into systems you clearly stated you know goes against what you believe? Heres my take, While i do agree that that alot of tantric practices are gate kept under gurus, its done specifically becuase of what your complaining about, thats its very complicated, expensive and you can become confused and lost in the sauce hence why they strongly recommend having a gurus so they can gauge where your at on your path and teach and direct you where and what to do. Many of the practices, rituals and mantras are difficult and not easy to perform, understand, and the energy it creates sometimes can be overwhelming and sometimes throw you for a loop if you dont understand what your doing or handle the energy at play. Also there are so many diffrent sects of study and literally thousands of variations, perspectives and practices you can easily get confused on what fits you. Also mulberry is correct no one owes you anything and genuine gurus have spent years learning and practicing and also have to make a living so its understandable for them not to just cast thier gems freely and openly, especially when it can be used for malevolence.

Now that being siad i do agree the guru thing has been comprimised to a degree by frauds and criminals for power/influence and monetary gain especially online. I would reccomend taking some time and reeling back in all the anxious and haste energy, reset and start simple maybe just with a specific diety or energy form and just meditate on them pray without all the rituals and mantras and just see what comes up. You maybe able to find the reason and get intuitive answers of why have a interest and drawn to this area of study. You dont need a guru just to connect with your intuition or even specific diety/ energy form. Alot of times just simple things and a intuitively optimistic outlook can help clear your path to what you want and maybe even lead you to a genuine guru. If you want super power abilites and and able to perform magical feats, the answer is in what you stated. The people who deveolped these things dont even notice it because thats not the reason they got into tantra, they got into it for moksha, enlightment, liberation, to be closer to thier diety and as you work thru the systems you may naturally develop abilites but they may not care about that, their goal was something else. Keep searching youll eventully find what your energy aligns to and what your seeking. Good luck.

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