Broken hearted and absolutely devastated

General Discussion
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I think it’s been some time i posted on this forum. I no longer am active as I used to be. Let me provide some background information first after such a long time of being absent.

Previously I’ve posted plenty of my problems on this forum. Seems like right now I’m doing pretty alright, or i thought so. Since the middle of last year, i no longer practice magick. I’ve abandoned it completely. I burnt all my books, spells sigils earlier this year.

Here’s the funny part, whatever i wanted, i got it, without using magick. When i tried to use magick to obtain something, i could not get it. But now if i want something, i think that it might be impossible to get it, but i get it. For example would be the sudden influx of cash. And now i got a car. I am in university. Things are going great. Supposed to be.

But my soul has never felt hollow. I feel my existence on this planet is for nothing. That everyone is better than me. Especially at my university. I have no skills. I have no aim. No goal. No other family apart from my mentally ill father. No one to talk to. Depressed. Sometimes i do get dreams that tell the future. It scares the shit out of me for how real it could get. Or when i wake up i know the exact time without looking at a clock. Things are strange. I don’t know what to do.

Last year i contracted Urinary tract infection. I tried plenty of remedies but it didn’t go away. It still hurts me to this day. I didn’t use magick to heal myself. I felt my magick might not work or maybe medicine could help but it didn’t.

Now, for the real heartbreaking part. I like a girl at my university. We’ve been friends for over a year. Close friends. We’ve shared plenty of secrets. I really like her and i knew i had no chance to be with her. She’s beautiful, intelligent, everything that a guy could want in a girl. Everything. She is the perfect girl. I really love her. I’ve never had any feelings for any other girl in my life. This was the one.

Last month she was showing signs that she liked me. We hung out. And i confessed over text. She accepted me at first. Then, she broke off with me just five days later. She said that she only liked the attention from me and did not have any mutual feelings for me.

Here’s the problem. I have intense feelings for this girl. I love her very much. I never thought in my life that i would like someone. Never wanted to be in a relationship before. But i really liked this girl. I still do have feelings for her. Every second of the day i think about her. It’s killing me on the inside. I dont know what to do.

I want to let go of this feeling. I know she is a good kind hearted girl. I don’t seek revenge. I want what is best for her. I dont want to use magick to manipulate or destroy her. I want a person to like me for who i truly am, not with the influence of magick. We no longer speak to each other, but we will meet again in 1 month and will have to work together. I need to move on.

I hope i receive the advice and feedback needed. Im broken. I never thought I’d be broken. That’s why i did not want to open my heart to anyone. I do believe that i had been destined to be single my whole life due to vedic astrology… what I’m destined for? Not sure…

When i feel i want to practice magick again, i feel overwhelmed by the amount of information. I no longer have the willpower to do anything.

Any kind of healing or prayer coming my way would be appreciated… so sorry for typing long

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First take the whole destined to be single-thing and throw it away. Seriously. You are the one living your life, stop giving away your autonomy.

Second, you need a specific type of death and love in your life. You need to bring death (metaphoric) to those attachments to this person.

You are a dope mf’er and have something to offer to the world. Consider pathworking with Azrael to remove those attachments.

Do something with those feelings. Grab some markers and imagine your sadness going onto something you draw. Throw those feelings into a candle and throw it away. Write a letter to her and burn it or toss it. Just make sure you do something with the bad feelings. If you are a champ, you’ll learn the LBRP and do it once a day. How much do you wanna get better?

Third, you need self-love. Right now, you have externalized your Tiphareth onto other people. You need to reframe it, and find Tiphareth within yourself. Consider working with Haniel for self-love.

Lastly, it’s tough dude. No lie. I was in a similar situation a few months ago. Do the work and you will get better.

It’s healthy and acceptable to be sad. It is not acceptable or healthy to languish in self-pity.

Edit:

People are complicated dude. Some people don’t know what they want. Other people love the idea-image of love, and not love itself. Other people are emotional vampires who are dependent on constant feedback.

I think you’d benefit from archangel energies.

A theme you need to keep working on is finding your purpose. Just make the above suggestions a habit, and you will get better. Right now, you are blinded by darkness. It’s tough. You have to remember there is light, even if you cant see it. Darkness cant exist w/o light. Therefore, if there is darkness, there must be light. Keep going bro :metal:t4::metal:t4:

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I’ve had this many times where I’d get attached to a girl only to be abandoned

I’ve noticed over the years the attachment is to fill an inner void, usually comes from a sort of trauma or senses of loss of a mothering energy, or if a person never connected well with their mother when they were little they will grow super attached and will require a lot of touch

I believe the whole magick thing you’re talking about, ritual magick is kind of an handicap to one’s true magickal potential, my guides have been with me for like forever and I’ve always been a magician and even they tell me to not dwell too much on ceremonial or ritual magick, because it’s too limiting for the infinite non linear capabilities of consciousness

What I’m seeing from your energy is that your higher self is calling you in, every person has a tube of white light that will supply everything for them whether it be love, protection, guidance, money, magick etc. and your loneliness will dissipate, you will feel completely whole with everything you think you don’t have and more

Focus on soul star chakra, focus on the tube of light, bring that 12th dimensional light into your body, let it enter your subconscious, your pineal gland, your chest, your lower dan tien, fill yourself with it and you will need nothing, in fact everything will start coming to you, I know it’s hard because we’re human and we think in terms of matter and solid stuff

But if you integrate your higher self you’ll feel liberated on all levels, pain will completely dissolve, you won’t have the bandwidth to fill any voids just complete wholeness and ecstasy

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Be a man and stand for yourself , and only . I think you need to live with love for everything this world has to offer and understand why things happen in a way or another. Today you will suffer , maybe tommorow you wont , but in any of this two cases work on your soul , sculpt your being from the inside and flowers will bloom from your skin. Some people will take flowers from your skin , no one can take your root never again. You need to change , start right now , or this days you live today will never come to an end. All the best to you and i hope you will be in a better state in some time , i think you can for sure.

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If you don’t want to use magick on her then use it on yourself, to build back your self-confidence and then just go… go outside, participate to new social activities, meet new people, new girls and you’ll see that life can be beautiful.

As for this girl, you need to work to just put her on the side. When you meet her again, if you still have those feelings, express them with you behavior, stay true to yourself… Act flirty, compliment her and whenever you feel like doing, because action is worth a thousands words, there is no need to hold back your true essence… And perhaps she will see be into before you even know it

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First of, ditch that girl. Trust me your attention feeds her like the vampire it sounds she is. Walk away and you will find if she likes you she will chase you down line. Take the power back now they call it no contact crap. But you seriously need to love yourself. Do some magick on yourself to see good in you, see beauty in you, dont ever say shit like your not good enough. Good enough to whose standards? is she a queen? is she a godess? is she some alien with immense power and your a mere mortal? doubt it so as long as she has 2 arms and 2 legs I think she is pretty much equal to you! your as good as you believe you are. Get yourself to be the one where you think she is lucky to have you.

Try micro-enchantments like every time you shower call upon the water element and imagine it beaming energy all over you that makes you beautiful and radiates this out as an aura. Do it constantly. Enchant some clothes to go out with as clothes that attract people unto you. The more you do it the more it becomes real. Every time you wash your face imagine its a water that makes you ultra good looking and your splashing this sacred water on your face, do it daily. Do sigils to say your good enough, Imagine before you go to sleep how good your life is etc. Then once your YOU concentrate on the girl or others. Actually go date other girls IN FRONT OF HER. That will annoy her and make you more of a catch in her eyes but to me all this game playing is just silly but does work though real women shouldn’t have to be playing games though they do say love is like a dance back and forth.

As for magick, it sounds like your trying to attune your magick to a structure that your body does not like. I have been through various magick systems and got varied results and did my own stuff and its been the most powerful I have done. Some times relying on your own abilities and what you can create is the best you can do. So many magick systems now are like a sales pitch of this will be better than that or this is practical… does one sock fit all? I dont think so. So why would one magick system fit all? use the principles and foundation and build up what you like and what works for you. Record the results and feel excited your a god in this world and dont forget it.

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Thank you so much. I will try some of your suggestions.

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Yes,i did not connect well with my mother. She left me and my father when i was five years old. She took everything. The house. The car. The money. Me and my dad had plenty of rough years. I hated her for that.

Later on i hated women. I thought that they were evil. Well, that’s foolish of me. I guess there are good women out there just i cant find em. I need to rebuild myself first.

Yes im attached to this girl. I never thought i could fall for a girl. I always protected myself against such things. Seems ive failed.

Yes i do believe what you say is true. Ritual/ceremonial magick is limiting. I don’t like to meditate and open a sigil with candles and talk to a demon. I feel its too time consuming. Id prefer to do things easier but i havent found a way. For example if only i could summon an entity from the back of my mind and request it to do whatever i want and come to an agreement. Or manifesting things using my thoughts alone.

Im still only 20 years old… long journey ahead of me

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Indeed, thank you

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Im actually an introvert and rarely go out.

Meeting new girls? Well, honestly, i don’t feel like it at the moment.

Don’t give me hope bro. I don’t feel like i want to be with this girl. Its just my feelings is for her. My emotions want me to be with her. But my mind says i shouldn’t.

I dont know what to do

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Thank you so much. You made me feel better.

Yes I’ve gone no contact with her for over a month. It hurts me. Sometimes i wait for her message but it never comes.

Yes she is not a queen, or a goddess or an alien… what you said is true. But she is intelligent, one of the most beautiful girl in my university, extremely popular and is a good singer. She is able to do anything. But i get what you’re saying

I like your idea of micro-enchantments. I will try it out. Looks simple which i should try because of my lack of will power

I don’t think i could date any other girl at this moment… especially when my mind is on her

What you said is true. I’ve been dabbling in many magical systems. Each had their own strength. I’ve been trying to find one which works flawlessly but since I didn’t, i ditched magick completely. Time for me to restart my magical workings.

Since i like simplicity, that is what i will do. I will build a foundation revolving simplicity.

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I didn’t want to work with candles and stuff anymore either but then I got back into to master full evocations

Honestly I can just chant an entities name while meditating and connect to it

For a while I was using a throne as symbolic reasons and that alone was insanely powerful

I still use these tools but it’s more like side gig type of thing, I focus more on meditation, breathwork and qigong

I also feel like if you are able to fix your relationship with your mother it would break a lot of karmic patterns, because our family is our DNA even if we hate them we should go through as much healing with them as possible because they are major aspects of us

I’d say meditation and working with light will help you a lot, you’ve gotten to a stage where your heart just wants true peace so externalizing things will only weigh it down

Honestly you can develop, soul travel, astral evocation, astral temples, divination and many other technologies through meditation, people just don’t understand the power of meditation and breath it’s severely underestimated

If you do deep fast breathing with breath holds every 7-10 breaths for like 15 minutes, all the tension will go away, you’ll feel high, you’ll hold more light and you’ll be able to install those dormant powers

:clinking_glasses: hope this helps

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Thank you. What you are saying helps…

But i dont think i can reconnect with my mother. She betrayed me and my dad. She took everything from us. All our wealth.

We were left with nothing but to fend for ourselves.

I will slowly get back into the magick practice. I’m feeling better now. My mind is better but my body isn’t due to an Urinary tract infection (UTI). Tomorrow i will be going to a clinic to seek medicine.

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Some intentions for you to put into your mind.

I AM AMAZING OR WHY AM I SO AMAZING?
I HAVE A GREAT LIFE OR WHY IS MY LIFE SO GREAT?
I AM POWERFUL
I AM CHARMING
I AM POPULAR
I AM BEAUTIFUL
HOW DID I GET SO MANY GIRLS AFTER ME?
HOW DID I GET SUCH AN AMAZING GIRLFRIEND?
I AM WORTHY OF ANYONE
I AM MY OWN GOD
I AM ATTRACTIVE
I AM CONFIDENT
I HAVE AN AURA OF LUST

INCANTATION FOR SHOWER OR BATH, TRY BATH

SPRINKLE IN SOME THINGS THAT YOU LIKE SMELL OF MAYBE OR HAVE AS IS, MAYBE LIGHT A CANDLE OR SO. UNDINES (SPIRIT LORE OF WATER) LOVE FLOWERS BTW.

O MIGHTY ELEMENT OF WATER
WHO IS OF LOVE AND TRANQUILITY
WHOSE MIGHTY POWER IS BOTH SOFT YET STRONG
WHO IS SHAPELESS AND FORMLESS AND CAN ADAPT TO ALL THINGS
O WATER WHO IS OF THE MIGHTY STORMS
WHO IS OF THE RIVERS, THE WATERFALLS AND THE OCEANS
COME FORTH AND HEAR ME
THROUGH THE POWER OF YOUR KING NYCHSA AND THE SPIRITS WITHIN YOU
I CALL YOU FORTH TO CLEANSE MY BODY OF ALL INEQUITIES
REMOVE ALL MY FEARS, DOUBTS AND TROUBLES
EMPOWER ME WITH YOUR MIGHTY POWER AND CARRY THE MIGHTY DIVINE UPON THYSELF UNTO ME AS A BRIGHT LIGHT THAT SHINETH UPON MINE ENTIRE BEING
CARRIED BY YOU O GLORIOUS WATER
WASHING ME IN THE DIVINE POWER AND LIGHT TO CAST FORTH A MIGHTY AURA OF DIVINE BEAUTY
THAT SHINES BRIGHTLY FROM ME UNTO ALL AROUND THAT THEY SHALL BE BLINDED BY THE AURA YOU BRINGETH UNTO ME
FOR ALL SHALL SEE MY BEAUTY THAT RADIATES FROM MY ENTIRE BEING LIKE A LIGHT UNTO THE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE FOR ALL TO SEE
GLORIFY ME IN THE IMAGE OF THE DIVINE AND PURIFY ME O WATER
BRING FORTH LOVE UNTO THYSELF AND EMPOWER ALL THAT I DO FOR TODAY AND TODAY FORWARD
O GLORIOUS WATER I THANK YOU
FOR IT IS DONE
AMEN

Capitals to make it easier to read. Get yourself relaxed first in the bath, listen to some music maybe or breathing exercises to just chill. Then do the incantation. But visualize each part, water glowing with a blue divine light and then turns into a golden white radiating from your entire being and imagine how people see your beauty shine. The bath or steam is light that radiates upward and bath in this elixir of divine beauty and feel it and visualize its outcomes. Once you get out and empty the water, feel thanks to it and see your problems getting carried away with it as its cleansed you also. This is more of a deeper incantation but if you do it daily you be amazed at what happens ;).

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Yes i will practice those intentions.

Btw i did practice the micro enchantment with the shower using my own incantation. I feel much lighter and burden off my shoulders. I really feel better. As some weight let off

I think i will try yours tomorrow. I only have a shower not a bathtub but i think it could do.

Thank you so much for the kind words and inspiration. I always had doubts about my abilities. I really shouldn’t because even in my most difficult times i was able to pull a rabbit out of a hat. This situation is no different. I’m sure it will come to pass eventually.

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Thank you, will look into it.

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It’s painful reading your post. I can almost feel the sense of your spiritual fiber being torn. The part that intrigues me is how magick wouldn’t work for you, and working without magick was actually more effective in obtaining the things you wanted… apart from the girl. And that brief relationship seemed like a tease which has stirred monumental feelings for this girl leaving you brooding, despondent, and lonely… almost like a punishment. You may have an attachment or possibly annoyed a spirit, and that spirit may be toying with you.
Have you heard of the Middle Pillar? It’s a form of spirituality designed to bring you closer to Source. When you get in tune with Source roadblocks disappear. You’ll develop a relationship with your Guides that you never knew existed and that can be amazing! The other thing you may want to spend some time on is to retrace some of your previous works. Was there possibly an agreement you may have made with a spirit that wasn’t entirely fulfilled, i.e. do you possibly owe a debt. A spirit, even a benevolent spirit may get “irritated” if a debt is owed. Settle up any old debts and this wretched malaise will start to evaporate. If it is the case, be prepared to pay more than you owe… just for good measure.

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Even i seem baffled on why magick won’t work but mundane efforts do.

Yes the relationship with her, it felt not like myself. It was as if i was enchanted. Not like my usual self.

Now, she even appears in my dreams. Almost everyday. Everything i do, the thought of her pops up. Be it whether I’m driving, exercising or reading. It sucks.

Yes i did contracts and pacts with many spirits before but i didn’t fulfil all of them. I also can’t remember the details of everything pact. What should i do? I cant even remember some spirits i worked with

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You will have to spend some time remembering the spirits you worked with and reconcile your debts. There doesn’t seem to be any other way out of this. The girl is most definitely a punishment. When you have paid your debts she’ll disappear. But start somewhere. Recall the events in your life at the time, books about magick you were reading from which you may have found the spirits in the first place then start making payments and go from there. Your magick isn’t working because its being suppressed deliberately. The only other piece of advice I can offer is to ask your Guides for help. Even if you don’t have an established relationship with them, they exist. Start a conversation with them explaining your situation and if you listen closely you will hear them. Their response may come in the form of an idea, a “feeling”, or a thought. I hope this helps.

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Your body and psyche detected a suitable candidate for reproduction. There is nothing wrong with it.

I don’t know man, there are biological backgrounds of these sexual behaviors. Maybe you behaved so alturist, and she saw you easy .

Search for the tricks. Use as much as magic, even if it is a attraction mantra.

And remember, source of the love is you. You are loving her. And you have capability of love anybody more than that. Just follow your love, but joyfully.

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