Binding The Goetia Journal

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
, , ,
21

I guess you could say I “fell prey” to Demonolatry. Of course, there is nothing wrong with it. If you choose to follow that more power to you I say.

But demonolatry requires a lot of work. I say, why would you want to worship or idolise the darker parts of the psyche? When you can control it. Demonolatry to me is less of how it is for traditional worship of the gods. I for one, worshipped the norse gods for a bit. Now I don’t worship. I chose to work with them.

While offerings to the gods can potentially give you a boon from them, Demonolatry is different. To me, it is less giving them offerings because you want to and more because you are forced to. Because if you don’t give the offerings to the demons you are worshipping, then you either won’t see results or you’ll see the opposite of the results you want. When you make a “pact” with the demon you add to your altar, you’ll be required to continuously offer the same thing in order to prevent the chaos in your life.

Whereas in my system of work, through binding you will no longer be required to continuously give these offerings. You encorporate the energy back into the source of your being.

Now back onto Labolas. His energy, my energy is in the solar plexus. An unblocked solar plexus chakra provides you with higher self-esteem and self-confidence while a blocked one gives you lower self-esteem. I can almost feel him biting into my plexus. As if to say, “if you don’t bind me properly and transform my energy, you will forever have this part of you blocked. You will never grow beyond your anger and hatred.”

3 Likes
22

Labolas prior to binding is like a wild dog. A dog that is afraid will use his fear to “lash out”. We see this all the time with stray dogs or dogs that have been abandoned. They rely on their instinct to protect themselves.

We are no different. We rely on our base instinct of fear to lash out at things that are out of our control. When you are frustrated at someone, you lash out. Even if unintentionally. When you are overwhelmed and scared, you rely on your anger and hatred because you want what is causing you the issue to “go away” and if it doesn’t go away, you try to force it away.

In my minds eye of Labolas, all I see is a giant dog ready to fight what’s right in front of him(me). But if I bind him? He will shrink. It’s like dog-training. You have to let the dog know that you are the leader. Labolas and your anger is no different. I feel as though through binding him, I will no longer see a giant dog, that is scared and ready to attack what its afraid of and more of a dog this is well behaved and will attack on my command. Like a guard dog.

3 Likes
23

Back onto Shax. Shax has essentially been my “Boogeyman” so to speak throughout my path. The fear I had of losing my vision and hearing essentially made me hesitant extremely hesitant to ever work with him. So I never did until last night.

I guess, through confronting and binding this aspect of myself, I am no longer afraid of losing my sight hearing and understanding because its mental, not physical. But as I said, fear is a part of our being. Now I must confront my fear of anger and hatred. I am called to a song by the band “Demon hunter”. Ironic considering how when I first came to this forum, much of what I would see would not be about “hunting” your demons so to speak but rather, allowing them to run amuck. The song is called
”Fear is not my guide”.

The Lyrics are thusly as followed

There’s a cause to light my call
And when I speak
There’s a fire underneath

But I won’t divulge it all
I know that line
I will cross or hide behind

Want
Need for my all
Let me breathe

When time outruns my soul
I don’t have to hide
Fear is not my guide
I won’t be made to hold
Any word inside
Fear is not my guide

I will not rescind a word
Of what I’ve said
For the vultures overhead

But for every line I vent
Another ten
I’m afraid I’d lose you then

As I learn to count my days
The less I care to veil
Something of a deeper truth
Is begging to exhale

When the time has come to bleed
And air my fill
Will you be there for me still

And if you turn and walk away
Well then I know
You were never there at all

When time outruns my soul

I don’t have to hide
Fear is not my guide

I won’t be made to hold

any word inside

Fear is not my guide

When time outruns my soul

I don’t have to hide
Fear is not my guide

I won’t be made to hold

any word inside
Death is on my side

1 Like
24

Yet another demon hunter song came to me. Simply called “peace” some of the lyrics are oddly standing out to me.

“I can see the forest for the trees
Feel the wound before it bleeds
And I’ve been waiting for that debt to come and take me to my knees
But I can’t wait for peace
I can’t wait for peace”

If I bind him, can I become peaceful to myself instead of hateful? I also feel called out especially by Labolas himself.

“I see you waiting for a sign
Some resolve to ease your mind
Maybe you’re not awake as we thought

Every hope within your dreams
Wasted on a faith in dead and dying things
Wither away into our grave”

Because he is not only the “author of bloodshed and manslaughter” but also of all things to do with the arts and sciences.

If you recall earlier in my journal, I was consistently looking for signs from the universe that what I wanted was possible. What did I want? I was going to go to college and study Photography and Videography which would link into the arts.

Yes, I studied but I also dropped out both for the reasons of doubt but also because I could no longer afford it.

At the time, you could say pride guided me. I had my epiphanies. I knew what I wanted and I thought I had overcome the hatred I had for my ex.

But what happens after you have an epiphany? Self-realisation? Of course, I thought I had that self-realisation but yet again, I was looking for signs in the universe to try and steer me in the direction I wanted.

Of course, I got those signs and actualised what I wanted through college but when the signs stopped coming, I stopped working for myself. I stopped working on my college projects. I got lazy. I started thinking, “this’ll be an easy degree to get”.

And then there is these lines.

“I know it’s hard to abandon your path
When this is all that you have”

All I had back then other than of course, my college education was also my faith in the Norse gods. Which would link into another thing Labolas is known for, “Causing love between friends and foes alike”.

Freyja, who I still hold dearly to me and remains in my hearth, would always always recite the lines to me, “For in time, all will be revealed”. This was in relation to me desperately looking for a romantic partner. Of course, I thought this would mean between me and one of my friends online but alas, though we would flirt, we would remain thusly, only as friends.

I still cling onto the idea that maybe one day it’ll happen but I have also accepted the “if it happens, it happens” rule.

Then the question becomes, do I hate that she doesn’t want more? Not at all. I can’t control how she feels….but I can control how I feel. I can’t say I didn’t give into my anger because I did but we were both adults. We could still both talk it out and figure out where we go from here and set boundaries-which Freyja herself teaches. “Boundaries are important”.

Part of me desperately wants this binding to “cause love between friends” but I don’t think it’ll work that way. I think, it’ll make me more aware of the different forms of love being it platonic or romantic.

And then there is the lines
”And I’ve been waiting for that debt to come and take me to my knees” Could it refer to the financial side of things? The debt of tuition? Or could it be the debt, I owe to this aspect of myself? The debt of an unfinished operation and allowing Labolas to take control when he feels like it?

Questions I must ask myself.

2 Likes
25

Forgot to mention that last night at work, I could hear Paimon say to me “Heavy is the head that wears the crown”. I interpret these lines as, “It is your duty, your responsibility now that you know it’s possible to bind all 72 of us”

2 Likes
26

Back in for preparation. I noticed a similarity/synchronicity if you will in my life in relation to Glaysa-Labolas.

The Solar Plexus deals with Willpower and is blocked by shame/self-hatred. What media do I consume that deals with willpower?

Green Lantern. Both Green Lantern and Glasysa-Labolas can be intitialised as “GL”. What blocks willpower in Green Lantern? Fear. What is the colour of Fear in Green Lantern? Yellow. What is the colour of the Solar Plexus and what is it blocked by? Yellow and fear to a lesser extent. When you are ashamed of yourself, you no longer have the willpower or strength to continue.

2 Likes
27

Still meditating, still preparing. I don’t know if I’ll need the greater chain for this one or not. I know it needs to be done but I also need to be sure that I am alone and that neither of my two dogs come into the room and mess up the operation. Both fortunately and unfortunately, they love to be around me and sleep in my room.

2 Likes
28

I hear him laughing. The incessant laughing. Maybe he’s taunting me, maybe not but the loose bind I have in place should be fine for now. Compared to the other ones, this bind is like a rope ready to snap. I don’t doubt anymore but I can feel that he’s essentially feeding off of my own shame and my own anger. I know what I’m ashamed of but I still need more time to prepare for this operation, I still need to recharge my energy. Yet again, in my awareness, I feel the energy in my temple. It’s not the fear of Shax anymore, that much I know.

I guess what the energy on my Ajna is, is the awareness that I must bind Labolas completely. If I don’t bind him completely, then who knows how much more he’ll feast off of my energy and feast off of my shame.

As for what I am ashamed of, I have mentioned my ex a lot in this thread but its more than just a hatred of her. I’m ashamed of what I became when I was with her. I’m ashamed of giving into her desires. I’m ashamed that I let myself have sex with her.

Likewise, with this shame, you could say, I tried to reclaim my sexual wellness by consuming a lot of sexual media. This isn’t Asmodeus because it wasn’t a lust for sex. Not even a lust for control. It was, “I’m ashamed of myself for letting this happen and so, to deal with my shame, I will consume these medias so that I will no longer feel this shame. So that I will no longer feel attached to her.”

It wasn’t just sex I was ashamed of in terms of my self-hatred. I was ashamed that I let her change me. That I let her essentially consume me. I feel shame for letting her change my whole being. Slowly I started to find my footing again but I am still ashamed of this.

I used to never be a shit-talker. I used to never talk about someone behind their back but in my desire to please her, I gave into these base desires because I was afraid of losing her. I guess that is the price to pay.

But if I can conquer and use my will to make my shame and hatred submit to me, then I will no longer have shame govern my actions. Maybe that’s what it means to “cause love between friends and foes alike”. To no longer have shame, will open you up to love.

I can hear him laughing in the skull and taunting me as if to say “Do it!”. In his own words, because of my shame, “You’ll never be able to conquer me.” Perhaps that is also why he is depicted with wings. Shame flies over our heads all the time. We see many depictions of shame but the biggest one I can think of in fictional media is the shame wizard from Big Mouth.

Do I give in to my shame, or do I confront it? I refuse to let shame guide my life. Therefore, I must confront it when given the time to do a proper operation.

Shame…author of bloodshed and manslaughter. I think I understand now why I felt so suicidal after my ex left me. I am no longer suicidal and if you are reading this and you feel suicidal, I urge you to seek out help through helplines and through mental health doctors as I did when I noticed these feelings.

I think I felt that way because I couldn’t deal with the shame of having her cheat on me. Was I not good enough? Was I never enough for her? I’d ask myself. That would then translate in the feeling of shame of “I’m not good enough. I’ll never be good enough. I’ll never be enough for anyone.”

While I feel, Asmodeus, in my mind was my lust for a romantic partner, Labolas is the shame/anger I felt at myself for losing what I thought was a good thing.

Labolas is the voice in my head that tells me, “I’ll never find a romantic partner” because of my self-hatred/shame. I thought I was in the process of healing my trauma after having everything happen to me with my ex but in reality, I’m still very attached to the idea of seeking my next romantic partner.

Perhaps he, was the voice in my head telling me “We should break up” when I was with my ex. The voice I was scared of. Because he governs both past and future events. As I write this, even prior to doing a proper binding, I hear him say, “Now do you understand?” with again, the laughter.

2 Likes
29

It’s even stronger now. I can hear him saying, “You must bind me! Are you so afraid of confonting your shame, you’ll let me dictate your fate for the rest of your life?”

2 Likes
30

One word/name came into my head. Epimetheus.

Hindsight. People often say, “hindsights a bitch”. Could that then also be attributed to Labolas being depicted as a dog? Do we not feel shame/self-hatred at our own hindsight?

Then in linking it to this figure, Epimetheus is responsible for opening Pandora’s box. Pandora’s box then to me, would be another universal interpretation of the brass vessel. If the brass vessel is opened, chaos is sewn into your life and only through binding that which you have unleashed can you hope to close your own “pandoras box”.

Likewise, Hindsight. Governing both past and things to come. Perhaps Labolas is telling me that in my hindsight, I opened the box too early and only now do I understand the consequences of my actions and the consequences of an unfinished operation.

image
image1280×720 50.6 KB

2 Likes
31

And the butterfly effect! Linking into my photography and videography background, “Life is Strange” is a game about a Photography student who can manipulate past and future events but in doing so, causes the butterfly effect which is then, linked back into chaos and opening my own “pandoras box” by not binding him properly

3 Likes
32

Likewise, I feel called to this song.

The second group of lyrics resonate with me
”Someday we will foresee obstacles
Through the blizzard, through the blizzard
Today we will sell our uniform
Live together”

1 Like
33

Likewise, a video pops into my feed. My Synchronisities. The video is “To the guy who wants to know why he’s lonely and sad”.

In stark contrast to one of the lyrics from “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails of

“You can have my isolation. You can have the hate that it brings.” Through isolating myself, I start to hate myself.”

The video also resonates with me on the other aspect Labolas is known for, “Causes a man to go invisible”. What is invisibility in this sense? Aiming not to please others and to be content with who you are because the more you try to please someone, the more shame you feel for not being yourself and loving yourself. The more you try to please people, the more you say to yourself, “why can’t they just accept me for who I am” which is then, your self-hatred being projected outwardly.

2 Likes
34

So then in my past dealing with him, his portion of my mind was unlocked. But because I didn’t finish the operation, it came with all the negative energy associated with it. I am aware of all these things, I know all these things but to realise it….No! To will it into being, I have to finish the operation! To remove the negative aspects associated with this portion of my mind, I have to do a proper binding! That is what he’s telling me!

To have love between friends and foes, to know past and future and to know all things arts and sciences, I have to remove the negative aspect of the whole, “author of bloodshed and manslaughter”! Only then, will I end up having higher self-esteem and having the willpower to do things of my own accord instead of consistently looking for signs for guidance from the universe!

I am the one who’s in control!

Now, I feel the energy is guiding into songs by Daniel Johnston.”
”True Love will find you in the end” and “Story of An Artist”….Songs I played before I summoned him the first time around!

2 Likes
35

“The road to hell is paved with good intentions” is what I hear him tell me. I had nothing but good intentions in being with my ex, nothing but good intentions in the desire to study in college but again, without the proper binding, and without proper action, the results become chaotic and disastrous.

“Do you understand, why you must bind me now?” Yes. I understand.
”Then do it! Stop holding me on this weakened leash and do it proper!”

The song Contact Redux, plays and the lyrics resonate with me.
”One of us will be forgotten”-My Ex
”The other, was wrong”-Me

2 Likes
36

Entry for Last Nights Sleep

In my head, I heard, “I’m pregnant” could this refer to a later partner after binding?
More synchronicities. As I lay in bed, I see a youtube short appear in my feed about what your body looks like after giving birth.
Then there’s this…“Feb 6, Mew gave birth”. Fictional yes but things can still resonate.

image
image1080×2340 215 KB

Followed by an ad playing for cat food when I dont own a cat.

Idk if that is also a synchronicity but in my life, the spirit I was most attached to was Bast. She was essentially my spiritual wife. Still is to this extent. I desperately yearned to look for her “physical incarnation” but I dont think that’ll happen.

I think, I’ll find someone who resonates the same energy as bast but she won’t have an “avatar” per se. But it makes me wonder when the negative energy is transformed, will I find this supposed “Bast” in my physical life? And if so, what is the significance of seeing a post on my feed that says “Feb 6. Mew gave birth.”

Is it a possible future date for childbirth? Who knows but I will make a note of it for now.

Scrolling…scrolling…I see another ad that says, “Calling all curious toddlers.” My dog walks into my room to lay in bed with me. I hear the sound of a baby crying in my head.

I dont think it’s a sign from the universe or looking for a sign. I think it’s a, “this can happen if you learn to control your will and bind me.”

Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling trying to find something to sleep to. I see another post. “The masculine urge to be kissed like this”.

I hear divorce in my head. This? This is what will happen if I dont bind. If I dont bind then in hindsight, all that I’ll have built in the future will be for naught. The love, the child, the romance.

I can gain all these things but without the self-esteem and confidence? Then I’ll lose it all.

Another Ad appears. The caption is, “we believe greatness is shaped in the moments that inspire us”

Scrolling, Scrolling. Now that I understand that binding will change everything, I see another video in my feed. A squirrel giving birth. In my minds eye, I see my future. I see me, holding my wife’s hand as she’s going through labour. Its intense and I worry for her. I worry for the safety of.our child.

Now I see another picture. A clean bill of health. She gives birth and we both are happy and content.

Beside the short of the squirrel giving birth is a clip from “Call the midwife”. With the title “father can’t be happier” but in stark contrast, the clip is about a stillborn.

Again, I think this is my fears personified for the future. As I wrote this, I finished watching the clip. It turns out, in the scene they had twins. One was alive and the other died.

This could be the dichotomy between my fears and not binding the negative aspect vs the positive aspect of binding.

Then i suppose there’s another meaning behind it. Yes, I interpret it as the future but I also say, it’s a metaphor.

Pregnancy is giving birth to new life. What is binding the 72 to me if not a form of “spiritual rebirth”? Giving birth to a new me.

I think i am falling prey back to old habits. I am seeking signs again. The first few ones may very well have been real but now I am consciously aware I am looking for signs where there are none. Thusly, I am preventing myself from resting and sleeping because I am looking for more signs. I have to stop myself now. If more synchronicities happen, they will happen.

Had a dream. This one was about an old friend online but now we were able to meet up IRL. We talked for a bit. I wouldn’t say apologise to each other because there was nothing to apologise for but we were able to have an understanding of why she did what she did. It then made sense to me why she was called Chaos in my life.

Meanwhile also in my dreams is the book and me embracing the binding of the demons. I saw Baels sigil for some reason

2 Likes
37

The Operation is complete. Labolas has been bound properly. Strangely, I don’t feel all too different. The energy in my plexus is no longer being bitten into and now I see three threads attached to my book. In my mind, I now hear him say, “I am ready to attack at your command” in association with anger.

But I also feel….open? As if the shame I held for everything stated has sort of just, dissappated from me. My dogs also seemed to have paid closer attention to me. They’ve always loved me but one has a bit of an anxiety problem and lashes out. He didn’t seem to lash out at me anymore. Is it because the energy in me has been redirected?

Have I become more loving to myself?

I accept what happened to me. I accept that my ex controlled me. I accept that I felt shame for my actions. Perhaps the opposite of self-hatred and shame is….acceptance. To accept that you make mistakes. You cannot learn or grow without making mistakes so why feel ashamed and hate yourself for making mistakes?

Is that not how we learn? Is that not how we grow? Is that not how we learn how to love someone and love ourselves? To accept our faults, to accept we make mistakes and that nobody is perfect!

We’re all, each one of us, a human being. We are the universe, loving itself and being itself. So why feel shame for being who you are?

So why let someone tell you to be someone different?

Tell yourself, “I don’t care what others think”. It’s not “break societal norms and do something stupid like break the law” its, “I don’t care what others think about me because I am going to be true to myself.”

When you are angry at someone for rejecting your confession, is it because of your pride? Is it because you want them to like you? The only way for someone to like you and to love you, is to love yourself. Through loving yourself, you become open to the idea of loving someone else. Warts and all.

We have this flawed idea, the honeymoon phase if you will that love is only on the surface level. How many relationships end because someone couldn’t stand to be with their partner when they have a bad mental health snap? How many relationships end after one single argument?

Is it because when we see them in their own dark parts of the psyche, we really see ourselves and we can’t accept that? Is it because we refuse to accept that everyone has their own shit to deal with and that we shouldn’t put them on a pedastal just because we’re attracted to them?

Empathy! Empathy is the opposite of hatred! To see yourself in someone else and to accept that they too have been wounded and they too have a darker side.

Empathy unlocks art! How many pieces of art are out there that people resonate with because they see themselves in it!? Art is subjective and can be interpreted in many ways, so when you interpret a form of art, you are interpreting a form of yourself and your thoughts. Be it positive or negative.

2 Likes
38

I’ve come to understand why accepting your anger is hard. We project our anger onto others for many reasons. Loneliness is one of them. When you close your heart off, you become incredibly lonely. Despite wanting to feel loved and give love, you have closed yourself off because in your mind, through all your traumas, you don’t deserve it.

So, when someone reaches their hand out in love, be it friendship, romantic or general kindness, you reject it because the anger has kept you alive, it has kept you surviving. You stop trusting even those who are your closest because you fear that either A, you’ll lose them or B, because you’ve been hurt once before, you’ll be hurt once again.

But when you accept the hurt? When you accept that it’s likely to happen again, anger subsides. In its place is an open heart.

That is why many people who are in power seem to be so lonely, despite having many people around. It’s a defense mechanism. They try to fill the void. They try so hard to seek out love when they do not love themselves.

They use their anger to start and wage wars and gain power through fearmongering and scapegoating because they feel as if their followers will love them as a result. But in reality, their followers are only following them because they are attracted to the power they have and as such, try to seek that same power for themselves.

That then is what it means to be invisible. Instead of shouting out “Look at me! Look at me! Love me! Love me!”, to love yourself and to accept yourself will have others look at you in the same regard not because of your power, but because you’re you.

It’s like a dogs unconditional love. A dog doesn’t love you because of material objects, power, or some other third thing. They love you unconditionally because they just do. We should be the same. Dogs have nothing but love to give to their human companions and expect nothing in return. We too, should be able to eminate love and expect nothing in return.

Instead of saying, “maybe one day” accept that even if your desire for romance is there, the love has not changed. You shouldn’t expect someone to love you back just because you’re attracted to them. You should just be yourself and that’s that.

2 Likes
39

Energy of the self works thusly. Call it a UPG if you will, correct me if I am wrong.

Yin and Yang. Chaos and order. Push and Pull. Positive and Negative.

Our being is made up of both positive and negative energy. Our positive energy is represented in our “good” feelings. Happiness, love, Joy etc. Our Negative energy is made up of the “bad” feelings, anger, sadness, envy, fear etc.

In my working with binding the goetia, I have learned that energy cannot be created or destroyed. But it can be transformed. My book, my brass vessel if you will, is a way to transfer my negative aspects of the mind that are part of the goetia while I act as a conduit for transforming those negative energies into ones of positive forces. I can never get rid of the dark parts of the psyche but I can transform them into lighter ones. And so, the negative energy from the darker parts of the psyche, placed into the vessel can transform into positive energy.

When you conjure and summon the goetic spirits and ask to unlock the portion of your mind they are associated with, they will gladly do it. They are neutral not “evil”. But in doing so, you have now unlocked both the positive and negative aspects associated with them.

So without binding and transforming the negative energy, you have sewn chaos into your life.
The same could apply to the Shem-hem porash too. Conjuring them and seeking their positive aspects without transforming can still affect your life.

While they are beings of order, what is order without chaos? In a life full of order what then can you learn from?

For instance, if you summon a being of pure order and ask them thusly to “fix the problems I have with my partner”, they could interpret it as, “Remove the chaos by removing the person from the equation”

You don’t want to remove your partner from your life but how is a being of pure order supposed to know your intent if you don’t will it to be so?

It’s the same when you summon a being of chaos. Intent is key. You could ask a demon to help you “find love, find a partner” but it that’s the only order you ask of them, then the chaos unfolds. Sure, you can get a partner but then through a being of pure chaos, you could find that your partner is obsessive, clingy, desperate and not respectful of your own boundaries.

You have to channel the intent and transform the energy.

2 Likes
40

That then applies to different types of vessels. Statuettes of deities you have worshipped. When you give an offering, you are putting in the positive energy from the intent you want but, if you ignore the vessel and heed no attention to it, the energy dissapates back to the source.

2 Likes