Beyond Within

Hello, everyone. This is where I begin my online journal. I will be sharing insights and wisdom from yours truly, as well as many of my experiences. Forgive me if there is a momentary spam on occasion, as I plan to slowly integrate insights and experiences I have posted or written elsewhere for the sake of keeping everything in one place. I hope whatever you may find here helps you blaze your own path, and illuminates the darkness when you may no longer know where to go.


I am beginning to believe there may be some highly desirable qualities within me that attract deities and other powerful beings.

Last night I set forth on my second of three nights of candle magick, for the full moon that currently has powerful influence over us.
Four money manifesting candles.
One heart centered candle.
One candle to assist in manifesting and developing my gifts and abilities.
One candle for protection, wisdom, and balance.
And one candle for Belial, as well as a delicious glass of sweet red wine. I couldn’t find his preference so I took a chance at the liquor store and he was pleasantly surprised. I will consider this a persons victory.
I took part in no special chanting. No enn or rite was recited. One could even argue I wasn’t in a proper clear state of mind to even attempt this, but I could not falter on my three days of magick.
I called upon Belial, inviting him into my space to enjoy a drink with me and assist me in unlocking my higher potential. I was quickly taken up on my offer. Sadly, my hearing was not efficient and so our conversations were difficult to work through, and I was sure to apologize many times and thank him for his patience.
“Dreams”, he said.
“Work with your dreams.”

“Is there anything you would like to teach me about dreams tonight?”

“No. At this point there is nothing you can learn about dreams that you don’t know, without experiencing them.”
His voice was so faint and unclear. I do hope I caught all of the important points.

At this point a new presence has entered my space, unevoked and unexpectedly.

Azazel. A wonderful surprise indeed.
He sees me attempting to take energy from my surroundings so I may stay awake a bit longer, and he immediately offers his assistance. This is an excellent opportunity for me, so I cannot decline. For the moment, he appears interested in teaching me to absorb and manipulate energies, but I know there is far more in store for me should I walk along side him.
“We will work together very soon.”
I thank him for his time and assistance.

I close my session with Belial and Azazel, and put out my candles for the night.

But I still cannot help but wonder what it is within me that makes these beings come to me without effort or ritual, without evocation or offerings. The only logical explanation is that their sight shows them my potential; my willpower; my intellect and willingness to be the student. I am humbled, yet empowered by this idea.
I feel this is still merely the beginning of something beyond my wildest dreams, and an opportunity to go Beyond Within to my deepest potential and wisdom.


Did you just start the occult?

I have been on the spiritual path for 5 years but only in recent weeks have I begun to walk the Left Hand Path in search of true balance.

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Yea once you embrace these entities they strangely make their presence extremely known in the beginning. It seems they enjoy pulling humans in towards them by fulfilling the super natural phenomena that we fantasize about. Lol enjoy it while it lasts. Those “oh shit!” Moments begin to subside at some point and come much left often. However by then you will have seen enough to require them to know they are present. The beginning is the shit imo lol… its like chasing that first high so to speak from then on lol


But that is just my experience and something I have noticed happen kind of frequently. I could be wrong :man_shrugging:

From what I have read on here, there seem to be many people that struggle to evoke, summon, or communicate with these beings so effortlessly. We will see in time, of course.

Perhaps you are not learning but remembering. Have you tried a past life regression?

I’ve found myself listening to my favorite album on Earth, by my favorite band on Earth. Not only has Jeff Loomis colored my guitar playing like no other, but Warrel Dane’s vocals and lyrics have changed my life.

I remember when I first came across Nevermore. I wasn’t interested in spiritual practice on any level, just a naive and uncurious agnostic teenager. Jeff Loomis had just released his very first solo record, and a playthrough of his song “Shouting Fire at a Funeral” had just been posted by EMGTV on Youtube. My friend Dave sent me a link and I was enthralled, fascinated, and obsessed almost immediately. His guitar playing was unlike anything I had ever listened to in my younger years, filled with old school metal like Metallica or Iron Maiden.
After many weeks of diving into Jeff’s solo work and his clinics, I had to check out Nevermore.
I hated it. I thought Warrel’s vocals were unfitting and unworthy of the greatest guitar player to ever walk this human plane.
BUT IT GREW ON ME. Only after watching nearly every lesson Jeff had available online, I decided to give Nevermore another chance.
And a hater I would be, never more.
I had always loved Jeff’s writing and phrasing, so I stuck it out for the sake of killer guitar playing. Eventually, Nevermore took a back seat to Jeff’s second solo record, as well as his online collaborations with other notable musicians such as Ola Englund, Keith Merrow, and various guest solo slots that kept me coming back to his work. Of course, he was a busy man with his Schecter (guitar brand) clinics and new content was few and far between, aside from the occasional new live video stemming from somewhere in China.
Eventually, I began to dive into the pursuit of true knowledge. The mystery of existence was perplexing, yet so solvable, somehow. I knew the answers existed and I had to have them. Of course, as we may all understand, awakening to these new theories of creation and the origin of consciousness can bring out some dark thoughts and emotions. Even the will to die so I may finally understand was something I fought through (briefly, of course. Logically, someone on this planet had answers, therefore these results would be reproduce-able to some degree). In this dark state, I needed assistance. I began to notice that much metal music had these spiritual and occult themes, and the lyrics could be studied and understood to SOME degree. I can’t say which band finally brought me to this understanding, but it very well could have been Nevermore, as well as Tesseract, Gojira, the likes.
The lyrics seemed to bring forth this new quest; I had to study through my favorite medium. After some time, I came back around to Nevermore, as well as Warrel Dane’s vocals. I finally had a reference point in my own life, where I could truly feel his existential suffering and internal crisis. Their music had become so much deeper to me than anything else in my life. I felt like I had truly connected to this man and his quest for knowledge, understanding, wisdom, and inner peace.

And so I dove.
And I dove deep.
Through all of the terrifying and depressing theories of our existence, through all of the corruption in the physical world, and through countless hours of researching these conspiracy theories that no longer felt like theories.
As I did more research, I finally understood how it all tied together. I felt like I had finally figured out what life on Earth was supposed to be, and realized almost entirely how miserable it can be to live here when you’re burdened with this understanding. Seeing the evolution of my own species halted against its will; the destruction of innocent lives across the globe; secret space programs and mind control experiments, war through manipulation of frequency. This darkness within me was matched by only one thing; Warrel Dane’s lyrics, and the tone and atmosphere of Nevermore.
I felt as though no being could relate to this suffering and this knowledge, except Nevermore. The crushingly depressing tones within their music stirred something in my soul, and I saw the resilience of this man who had experienced potentially more than I ever will, and decided life was indeed still worth living. I saw truth; raw, precise, dark, and full. To this day, years later, I am still having “AHA” moments while listening to their works.
Regretfully, I never had an opportunity to see them play live, or meet Warrel, though I don’t believe I could have conveyed to him what his music truly meant to me, and how much I understood his pain. Never having the opportunity to meet Warrel while he lived may be my life’s greatest regret thus far, and hopefully it remains so.
I hope, somewhere in time, I can thank him for opening my eyes to the true state of the world; to the truth of the universe, and giving me the opportunity to relate to him in ways I had never felt were possible with a stranger.
Nevermore continues to be one of my single greatest sources of inspiration, if not THE greatest. I don’t feel any band in history has ever had such an important, profound, and honest message, with an atmosphere that creates a pit where we can be introspective and internally ruined by our existential anguish, nor do I believe I could ever accurately display the depth and complexity of my feelings toward these perfect works of sonic and lyrical artistry.
I do apologize if I have repeated myself at any point, I may have had a drink tonight.


I have been absent too long.
I was pursuing some personal objectives but I’ve now watched them crumble before me, and it is a bitter defeat indeed, but it has served its purpose.

It was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. I am invincible in my resolve and relentless in my pursuit to create the greatest life I can.
Once again, I fell too hard too fast for a broken woman with nothing to offer me, and it will be the last time. The job I once saw so full of potential is now worthless to me. My focus is one hundred percent on myself, and I will personally scorch anyone or anything that stands in my way, until they burn into oblivion. I have been foolish but I have been strengthened in my failures.
I am all I need.
I am my greatest work in progress.
I am power incarnate.
This is the beginning of something raw and true.

I see your a guitar player just like me. What do you think about someone who plays drop A on a six string ? Just too damn stubborn to play anything but my rr1 USA models.

They have FR as well.

Am I crazy ? ;D

Today I had a very powerful and unusual experience, that I don’t believe is common for us to experience consciously. I’m willing to be proven wrong but thus far I’ve yet to find anyone who has been to this space.

Today I was feeling tired physically, but restless energetically and mentally, so I decided to lie in bed and meditate, attempting to take a nap so I could perform necessary life functions and be productive. What I experienced was far more than a meditation, and I hope one day soon I can understand exactly what I saw.

It began with a rather unpleasant lucid dream where I was confronted with basically a home invader who was impervious to bullets, as I angrily discovered by emptying a magazine into his head only for them to ricochet off of him harmlessly, and he proceeded to just walk out of the home. I left briefly after the incident, in a huff and not satisfied with the outcome, or how my friends in the dream reacted.

I ran into some good internet friends who are very high vibrational, who said “Follow us, we’re gonna take you somewhere COOL.”
I trust them quite a lot so I followed. I don’t recall exactly how I got there, but I ended up at what seemed to be a water park/fancy pants hotel, all alone, but surrounded by dozens of people that were splashing about and having fun. I attempted to find a way out to return back to my waking state and run errands, but to no avail.
I was distracted by some people throwing these water frisbees, and they’d landed rather closely to myself, so I began retrieving them for these strangers as I was so close. I noticed the ease with which I threw these frisbees, and they travelled excessively far for no apparent reason. I apologized and handed the rest to them personally, and went on my way.
I was distracted long enough to decide I should stick around a minute and see what’s going on, as I walked up to a very large fountain where people began to gather.

In moments, portals opened up. Blue portals; and people began spilling out, I only recognized one person, who is an internet friend of mine. She did not notice me, but I saw her. She came to see me shortly after exchanging a hug with a friend she must not have seen recently, and we had a very long, tight, warm, loving embrace. It was very physical feeling, and very lucid at this point.

I’m clearly in some zero-point space, where time is irrelevant and people can visit loved ones who have passed, or friends and family who are distant in the physical world.
She and I had a seat at a table where these large platters, they’re like roast bins that you’d put in the oven, and they had MASSIVE what looked to be meatloaves in them. I was excited to eat, as in the physical I was ravenous, but my friend tells me “Nah, we don’t eat them. Just wait” And these loaves began melting away to expose tarot cards and she explained to me that it was like everyone was getting a reading while they were there. She turns to me and says “Take it with a grain of salt, sometimes it’s dead on, sometimes they’re way off.” As though she had done all of this before and knew where we were, she patiently waited for her tarot cards to be exposed. Her friend joined us, who I genuinely cannot recall as I frankly didn’t care she was there, and my friend says “Hey I know how to get out of here.” She began to run off, but I said I DONT HAVE TIME I WANT TO READ MY CARDS and I ran back to our seats to find that my platter was gone, and so was my reading!! I was so disappointed! I ran into a small covered dish pit with a single (Very attractive) woman was sitting, reading a book. I said “Hello, I wanted to read my cards but my plate was taken too soon!” She looked at me funny and handed me a STACK and said, “If you can find yours you can read 'em” and she sat back down with her book while platters stacked up inside her space. I searched but couldn’t find my cards, as I only saw one or two. I specifically remember ten of pentacles. I could read in this space, which I think is an important distinction.
She followed me outside after I disappointedly gave up on looking for my cards, and I tried energetically to get her attracted to me. She smiles and says “I felt that, that little attachment you tried to put on me” and she began to grin widely. Next thing I know, we are duking it out with intentions, trying to harmlessly incapacitate the other. I could physically feel the sensations of her energy weighing me down. I had to construct out of thought, a barrier, so I could stand up straight. I must have put up a decent fight (For a mortal) because she got to be kind of flirty and cute afterward. We definitely had a mutual crush, and started walking together toward my friend.
We all spent a little bit of time together just chatting away, and suddenly we were all back at the fountain. It was time to leave, and I couldn’t be more upset. I held my friend close and tight. It was so real and warm, and I began to cry, and I slowly faded back into my physical body, where I cried again out of both joy and sadness that this experience had ended. It was so real, I could still feel pressure from her arms around my shoulders as I left, and the warmth of her body against mine. I never knew anything could be so happy. I had no clue I could ever feel such a heightened joy, with mostly strangers all around me at that. It was such a gleeful, but somber experience to be separated from this space where all was right in the world and I felt so full and blissful.
I immediately got ahold of the friend I saw in this lucid dream/astral projection, I don’t even know what to call it. I told her give me time to write this down in my journal, and then I HAVE to call you.
After recounting this story to her, she says “Wait when did this happen, because right before you got ahold of me, I felt a shift and my mood dropped for a second, and it felt somber like you described”

So I must have gone to some sort of zero-space dimension where anyone across time and space can visit each other for a brief time. My friend happened to be affected physically in REAL time. This experience has both enlightened me and perplexed me, as I’m struggling to find answers as to what I experienced, and why I experienced something that seems more like it’s for subconscious healing and unconscious reunions to ease separation from those who have passed. A mutual space where the living and dead can get together and enjoy some earthly things together once again. I’m fascinated by what has happened to me today, and I hope in time I may experience it again.

So I’ve been doing some thinking on some recent experiences and somewhat heavy endings that have made their way into my life, and at one point I was resentful over how things ended in these situations, and how they were a “waste of my time”. Of course, this prompted the idea of questioning what it really means for something to be a waste of time. What facilitates wasting time?

I came to a great conclusion that really shifted my perspective and helped me view things differently, and maybe it will help someone else out there.

The only time an experience is a true waste of time is when you don’t appreciate the experience for what it is and learn the lessons that have been presented to you. There is always something positive/inspiring/insightful/full of wisdom that you can take away from every experience, whether it ended favorably or not.

The only real “waste of time” is when you rob yourself of being grateful for the things you may have gained in the experience, be it just wisdom, or new contacts, friends, other opportunities, or just a general restructuring/reassurance that you need to be doing something else.

When we devalue the good things that come out of sour situations or sad endings, we are truly doing ourselves a great disservice, and affirming that A. We have time to waste, and B. My time can be wasted, even when I am pursuing something I enjoy that doesn’t pan out. So be grateful for the things that don’t work out. Sometimes things don’t work out because they aren’t meant to, sometimes to teach us a lesson.
You can never waste your time chasing something you love/believe in.

I just thought this was a fun thought process to go through and a great lesson for everyone, including myself.

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Just sharing some channeled insight from today.

When you realize you have the power to react however you like to the external circumstances in your life, you will cease to allow external circumstances to dictate your mental and emotional wellbeing. This is the single most effective catalyst for personal power and inner peace.

This of course doesn’t mean to become unresponsive to life for the sake of maintaining inner peace, it means allowing yourself to move through circumstances interactively without allowing the outcome or perceived trajectory of a situation to dictate your emotional state.

We typically project all of these ideas and scenarios onto the things going on in our lives, and it can be all too easy to let things that haven’t even happened yet direct us toward negative, more hostile emotions, in turn making our misery entirely self created. And when we allow ourselves to move through a scenario believing it will end as poorly as your mind can pretend it will, we won’t handle that situation with the delicate wisdom and care necessary to alter the outcome, or perform damage control should things go south.

The most simple solution is to live in the moment, calm and peacefully, able to shift our mental awareness into problem solving mode should the need arise. Nobody goes 0-100 in an instant. You have probably been at 70 internally for a long time, and any large shift or event could push you that small amount to your breaking point.

Taking external circumstances out of the equation as things you need to fix or worry about can bring you down to 20, leaving you with plenty of mental space to handle a tense situation without having a meltdown, should something arise. Call it “caring with consideration toward the self.” This allows you to understand the problem and react in a healthy fashion without adding unnecessary strain to your mental or emotional state, where you can efficiently problem solve; and if there is no solution, you can accept what you cannot change with grace, avoiding the meltdown, and potentially avoiding taking mental health days away from work/social activities/personal goals.


I can’t refrain from sharing this experience.

Trying to get a grip on my practice again, I’ve been researching more and more, particularly about Belial, because I work with him when I’m not being lazy and depressed.
Today I spent some extra time studying and even watched some material from E.A’s youtube channel. I need to be up early for work, traveling out of town and whatnot and I happen to merely glance over to see A LARGE SCORPION ON THE WALL A FOOT FROM MY FACE.

I didnt intend to kill it but I did in capturing it. Unfortunate but not devastating. I mean, I was trying to get to sleep. Of course, the symbolic meaning of the scorpion became my next focus and a majority of Google searches came up with it being an omen of death, etc. Not things I want to think about for obvious reasons.

Now lately, I have been dealing with toxic people and my own unwillingness to cut them out of my life, while simultaneously knowing I need to. Turns out scorpion energy is fantastic for facilitating clean breaks and fresh starts, and then I ran across this gem somewhere on the forum which encompassed all of the confirmation I needed for what it meant and what my next steps are.



Proud of you, now go to sleep damn it :expressionless:

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Read Carlos Castaneda, the Don Juan series.

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Last night I consecrated my first black mirror. I have a bit of research to do and much practice ahead of me before I can utilize it to its full potential, but I was so drawn to it I just had to have it and knew it was the next step for me on my path!

I made another attempt at scrying last night. I was getting the white fog and at one point I got what seemed like purple lightning, but no real visions aside from a very obvious letter A. I was asking to see the name of my guide, I apparently have a new spirit guide. I attempted to converse telepathically to learn his name but the image of letters that came into my mind felt more like static; like a language I didn’t know how to process even telepathically. I decided maybe using the mirror was best, and I was excited to know his name until it was

I tried some different sitting positions and different positions to hold or set the mirror so I could be my most comfortable. Actually fell asleep while scrying so I called it a night after that. More researching/practicing is needed but the fact I can get anything at all while using the mirror is exciting and motivating so I feel like I am on the right track.

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I got stung by a scorpion shortly after getting Belials sigil tattooed.

I just moved into an apartment that just had Pest Control come through, and as I was laying there, fast asleep, I woke up with a burning pain in my arm, we shook on my bed, and sure enough, a medium sized scorpion.

Starting to think if that was an initiation by Belial…

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