Welcome back, glad for your success & wish you the best in your journey 
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Alright,I had a totally messy spiritual week and wasnt feeling fun of my missions but those dreams I saw today made me fired up.
I started evoking again 1 week before I came back,started from scratch, with a scrying mirror (Although Idk how to).Six evoked so far. Also I think hopefully will astral project before finishing introduction of myself to 72.Then I can close this journal and go to more serious shit.
Listening
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Azazel just told me that he wants me to open my third eye before trying to astral projection.He said that my third eye is pretty weak compared to other chakras in my body and it also of course effects that whole ap thing, so I will go heavy on this section for a while.
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Yes, finally a clue! Congrats!!
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Just wanted to talk a little about this whole, my magick doesnt work threads that got pretty popular.
First, I would like to tell that, trying to make magick absolutely perfect kills it. Because those rituals or spells thet do is usually invented for them. Not you, if you dont personalize your magick, it might pretty well not work at all.
Secondly, this isnt science, sure, you will do some explantions in your later life in magick,but as a beginner, just stop.
Third, your iq doesnt mean jack shit.There are many types of intelligences, go read about how brain operates before you consider yourself smart.
Fourth, I dont believe you did everything and it didnt work, you are lying to yourself.
Just wanted to talk about that.Thanks for reading.
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Last couple of days are going litterally wild for me.
After Azazel leading me to Lucifer in a weird kind of riddle way,most of my problems get revealed to me.
I am impatient, I still have quite some of problems with going to deeper states, throat chakra and third eye are underdeveloped.
Nonetheless I gotta say working with Azazel and Lucifer both is pretty wild like a never ending LSD trip.
I am on the edge in my next step of magick, I feel like this is my real initation.But I need to fix my problems first.
Listening, thanks @anon48532061
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I was afraid yesterday,that after hearing that I needed to face my fears… I thought after thinking about it,that they meant that I was actually subconciously fearing success… Which is true by its core, I get used to this life more or less…
I was wrong, something much worse is here now.
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Pull through it
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You got this bro
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Self doubting too much… No need to drown in the empty side of the glass… This path isnt meant to be a blissful experience… And I am actually greatful that I am not living in a Harry Potter universe like many do…
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Scars are like gold to a warrior 
You will have pretty much both: blissful times and shit that fucking sucks on this path.
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To be honest… I dont feel like I can carry this mission anymore. I cant keep a sane mind, one moment I all good, next moment I feel truly messed up. Lucifer is always around me, I wonder what he is planning however I truly feel like a walking failure.
I really dont see a reason to keep this journal open, my posts are getting more and more darker.
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Thats normal, we (almost) all have been there (or are bouncing back and forth between the tides at some points).
Thats a good thing to have.
You can feel like you want but you aren’t, my dude.
Then stop it for a while, if you want to take a breather. You could always write on good ol’ paper, documenting your thoughts and your doings and whats happening for yourself for a bit. Its always a ride if you take that stuff out and re-read it after a while.
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By carrying the missions, I had two purpouses when starting this.
1.It seriously was for killing some people but I really understood how wrong was I in that.
2.It was for evoking goetia 1 by 1.I just dont want to anymore.I really just dont and I also think maybe I should just work with Lucifer and Azazel for a while.These two are always there.
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There you have your spiritual comrades/guides/buddies.
Perfect.
Sometimes one “mission” leads to another outcome that is more benefitting for you in general. But it all needs a trigger 
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I want you to succeed bro!
You usually meet the most resistance when you’re headed in the right direction.
I also know that this journey can be emotionally exhausting so if you need a break from the goetia, go ahead and give yourself that. Your intuition will guide you further 
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Alright this is my last post then.I dont know if its just the last post for a while or this is the really last post of this journal,I have no idea.
Look I will be dead honest here, me and my dad got played like a ragdoll by this motherfucking Turkish government for 2 years straight… I dont want to talk or think about that anymore,however I will try a ritual given to me by Lady Eva for one last time.Time will show. I never doubted magick but what are the odds anyways.
I really wanted that money. I really did. I wanted to learn to play violin and piano, I wanted to learn new languages fast with it, I wanted to make a beautiful garden with it, and live in it.
I guess I will have to accept a mundane life.
My opinions and emotions change every moment and its obvious, but high probably that I will close this journal because I have two goals in ahaed of me.
1.I want to discover the ancient Turkish god and reveal that forgotten magick work back again because I feel a need to.I didnt finish this work and I cant say many about this right now.
2.It may sound childish,but I will basically create my infinity stones.It will be an alchemical process and a talismanic work. Me and PrinceX worked on it the adjust the stones names and purpouses to a magickians needs.However I am probably not ready.
I just dont want to quit and I will be here but I dont know what else to say anymore when my state is obvious.
Thanks for reading everyone.
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Good. You heard your call, then.
I wish you the best of success, wherever your road may lead you.
And “mundane”…is always a subject of the person who looks at it, my dear. BecomeALivingGodspeed to you!
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