Recently, I wanted to change my form in the astral and improve my strength. I was then told to just get angry and feed off my own anger. Then that image of a snake eating itself comes to mind. Anyway, I easily got myself angry enough. A lot of complete bull crap has been happening lately, but I guess now that is all helpful. I fed off my own energy and used it to change my form, and I definitely felt some strength increase.
(Even though entities still compare me to baby groot from guardians of the galaxy… )
I’m slowly learning about not caring a bit about what others think. My focus right now is to not care whether or not people believe that my experiences are real. It bothers me how people have distanced themselves, and I sense they just think so poorly of me, because they think I’m crazy. My experiences are my experiences, I’m tired of worrying over all this nonsense and how people disapprove of my own experiences rather than worrying over theirs. I’ll now try my very best to learn not to give a crap about all that. It will be a difficult and slow process; it always is. It’ll all be worth it, though.
I’ve been feeling my power/energy start to increase little by little. I feel a bit more capable of doing things I thought I’d never be able to do. I also noticed I can sense entities a little more easily than before, which is great. I’m definitely slowly but surely on my way to becoming a goddess!
Well, apparently, I broke free from an entity that’s been trying to manipulate and mold me at his will. If I’m not mistaken, it’s been around for a while.
I’ll try to recall all that I can in my experience:
I started out in a garden. I saw a big waterfall and a red carpet pathway leading to the waterfall. I saw roses everywhere too. Then there was someone there who pointed out my back. There was a very clingy and aggravating parasite… My visualization depicted them as a giant mosquito. The mysterious entity got rid of that pesky parasite.
Next thing I know, I’m seeing myself doing things I don’t wanna. Just simply things like “Oh, let’s walk over here.” I tried to control myself. I worked up all the courage and power I could. I heard the mysterious entity say something like “You’re not a wolf. That’s just not you. He’s trying to manipulate you.” I then broke away from the grasps of whoever was trying to control me. Then I seen my astral form change. Then there was applause.
Some more masculine entity, with light blue eyes and blonde hair, put their hand on my shoulder. Then they said “We’ve been expecting you… If you ever need anything, I’ll help you.” Well, something like that.
Anyway, I also at some point had a vision of people sitting at a table. I was there too, of course. The entity said something along the lines of “You’ll be seated there too someday.” Whatever that means?
Anyway, an interesting but fantastic experience. It’s very helpful. I also would like to thank the entity (or possibly entities) who helped me!
This entry might not be as interesting, but I faced some fears. I may not have gotten over them completely, but facing one of your fears is an overall great achievement. If it’s especially something you’re greatly terrified of, it’s even more amazing to try and face it.
I feel as if I’m getting closer to overcoming things, that have been lingering with me for a while. I’ve been thinking really hard about it all. I’m just missing a little puzzle piece or two…
Update:
I’m actually now getting pretty darn close to putting this puzzle together. This will definitely be beneficial for my journey on becoming a goddess…
I did it… I came into terms with some extreme baggage that lingered for what seemed like years. I know I had some help, and I believe it was King Belial. ((So many thanks to him.))
This positivity is rather new to me, however it feels satisfying. I feel like I have more energy and better strength. I know this’ll take some time getting used to, but just wow, this is already so amazing.
I’m getting better, once again, at communicating with entities. I’m actually able to communicate with them a little longer than before, and I won’t have as bad of a headache and feel as drained.
Also, I recently had contact with a couple of entities that had intense energy. I’m not used to intense energy, so I had some rather interesting experiences, lol. Since I wasn’t used to intense energy, I did feel like I was going crazy, haha.
I’m doing better about handling my anger. Today someone caused my anger to skyrocket. Instead of doing anything completely stupid, firstly, I let myself cry for a minute instead of bottling it up. Then after that, I tried to meditate and focus mainly on my breathing.
That all resulted in my breathing and behavior settling down. It may not seem like some huge accomplishment, but it was huge for me. Any time I handle my anger, I feel more competent and happy about myself.
So much has happened in the last couple of days. I can’t even begin where to start, but I’ll just explain the key points.
First, I gotten into a marriage with Azazel. It was both out of feelings for him and for business reasons. I feel this’ll be extremely beneficial and fun too.
The next day, I got sick. I fought off the stomach flue 5+ times, and I thought I wouldn’t catch it. It caught me when I was weak, but getting sick taught me a lesson.
My biggest fear was throwing up, but it wasn’t as extreme as it used to. It did suck, but it’s no longer my biggest fear. The lesson it taught me was to try and appreciate life more often, because most of the time, I won’t be as sick as I was then.
At first, I did call out for a bit of help to Azazel and such, but I was told he couldn’t do so much, and that this could be a lesson. I was upset at first, but I did realize the lesson behind it. It’s not like he wasn’t there for me at all, because I know he was there by my side.
I realized how much ones personality can effect their magick. Well, it’s just a little theory of mine. Because of thinking over that, I’m torn whether or not to change…
If I change, what if there were others, who respected me, but they stop because of my change. What if I don’t change, but if I did change, it’d be beneficial in ways I’d never know. I may also be actually respected too. I just don’t know, though… So torn…
I either do this alone and seem strong, or rely on my loved one and let our connection grow… Self sacrificing once again today… I guess there’d always be sacrifices when it comes to marriage… I’ll just have to always continue on trusting Azazel…
Update:Change is on its way, and I fully trust Azazel on his word and help…
They are the key!
Why you think those old spell-books specified a graveyard at midnight? For the adrenaline release!
Keep developing your work. I am asking you to get a Magickal Journal (ruled pages) and special pen. I’m asking you to keep a Magickal Journal in the time tested, old fashioned way.
Change is alrighty happening. I have already unleashed a bit of my “inner fire” yesterday: https://forum.becomealivinggod.com/t/that-moment-when/8196/7535?u=re3
I was told that’s only the beginning, but I already was able to make a fire lose control? Wow, I am already fantasizing about what’ll happen when I unleash more of my inner fire.
Alrighty, now here we go! I’m starting to rapidly ascend, and what just happened, helped a lot. Here, I’ll explain further:
I woke up this morning in a half trance state. It was maybe a full on trance - who knows? The point being, I felt totally out of the norm, and I still do. Don’t worry, I realized that it’s a great thing! Me being in a “trance-like state” actually is me trying to open up to the “spirit world,” aka “the other side,” and whatever else you wanna call it. So far, I’ve been trying to do that for an hour and about a half now - really amazing!
Now, I actually had my first ever fantastic conversation with an entity. (That entity was Azazel.) He seems to really wanted me to reveal the things he told me. When I hesitated, he just kept softly nudging me to do so, therefore I will tell the main points. They’re all summarized, though… I wouldn’t be able to write everything down.
Here’s what he said:
One part he basically said, I should embark on my magick journey very soon. What he means is that I should astral travel to a place like oh, void, infernal, hell, and etc. You get the idea, right?
Now, to further explain on the first part, he said I shouldn’t just go their to enhance my senses/abilities, I should find my reason behind doing so. “Don’t be a tourist.” Don’t just go there to be there. Find your reasonings.
He said since he noticed me, he saw great potential in me. He says that doesn’t completely explain it, though. He saw that potential and wanted to nurture it. Again, that doesn’t fully explain his complete reasons. He says his reasonings is something that the human mind cannot simply pertain to.
Now, once again, , I have another “demonic” child. He again said his reasonings is just something that we couldn’t oh so easily figure out. To make it simple, it’s just all the many and wonderful potentials he saw forth. That doesn’t completely explain it, though. He says there’s so much more to it.
Well, alrighty, a quick summary of our conversation. He seems quite proud of me, and I’m proud of me too. I’m just still so grateful of the things he does for me. He’s amazing!
I remember how as a little kid, I used to always “play imaginary” with fairies. My parents always remind me of how each had a very specific personality and name. It was kinda too descriptive for a little girl, and even for how creative I was.
I say this, because a dream last night makes me try to remember them. It was about freeing captive fairies. I don’t know why I dream about them now, but I guess soon I’ll find out.
I used to have some problems with my appearance and I now think that I tasted just a small fraction of the barriers that hide ones beauty from ones self. I cant remember those who I heard this from, but I think it can help…If you start to look at yourself with the same confidence you would have by looking as you want to look, it may be a slow healing process, but like carving a sculpture, just be confident and see the beauty that flows from your being, and project it where your focus is, and you will see more and more your vision becoming a reality. I hope that helps, I’m thinking of making a post about this.
I feel… empty inside, nothing but pain, like a weirdo, like some huge embarrassment, and like I don’t fit in anywhere…
I want to scream and go on a rampage, but I can’t do anything… All I can do is pitifully cry about it all… I feel so worthless, and everything is like a terrible dream…
)
))
Wow, I am already fantasizing about what’ll happen when I unleash more of my inner fire. 