Since I’ve started experimenting with the goetia, I’ve only been able to detect most of the spirits by energy and voice. Whenever there’s an exception to the rule, their physical appearance has a bunch of symbolism attached that teaches me something about their personality, or my mental state. Azazel is the next entity I’m going to work with closer as a mentor. My latest evocation of him got kind of weird.
His energy is the easiest to detect because it’s never subtle. It feels like you suddenly got caught in a fire tornado. I feel powerful just by being in his presence. But it also makes me slightly aroused, which isn’t something I’ve heard many people mention.
What made this awkward was, I’m a man, and Azazel typically appeared to me as a super muscular shirtless dude with a spear. And even before I could see him I acted really affectionate towards him on impulse. All this shit was throwing me off, and Azazel could tell, so he just shapeshifted into an amazon chick so we could finish telling me what he needed to say without me loosing my mind.
I already knew I was Bi, but I’m in the closest save for a few select people. I’m not 100% comfortable with my sexuality. Azazel is always shouting about self confidence being the core of power. When he says he’s going to liberate your mind and break mental barriers, he means literally all of them.
So yeah…that was fun. Moral of the story, learn self acceptance, make sure your sacral and solar plexus chakras work, and Azazel likes trolling people.
Lol yeah! He kinda nail the spot sometimes… made an emotional mess of me… I just couldn’t deal with him taking a form of people am crushing on… then he just decided to stay as an aura of energies so I don’t keep running the other way!
Oh, the heart is open as hell. Like, hugging strangers who’re radiating depression and telling them they’ll be okay open. Still trying to get a handle on that one. I’ve heart broken and rolling in neutral for years so now it feels like whiplash.
Interesting. That explains why he appeared to me as he did, as a musician I admire… But a squish isn’t a crush: nothing doing, and I told him he was being ridiculous, because he was.
He kind of faded off after that, he’s still around but I think he thinks I’m boring. I’m alright with that, if not being boring means being manipulated by the instinct of the base human animal my vessel is built on. There’s quite enough stupidity in the world, and some it’s from me, I don’t need to add to it any further.
Wouldn’t be surprised. Someone female here was his sub for a while too… I don’t want to speak for her though.
But the demons getting into the sex thing, when they don’t even have bodies or hormones, that I really don’t understand. I do wonder if it’s basically a currency they buy loyalty in.
They seem to want us to feel something towards them… the sex is the easiest way to a normal human… I naturally run crying the other way when something intimate happens… Azazel tried to snap me out of my comfort zone so I got scared of him…
I felt like he wanted romance too, but for those not using the split model of attraction it’s the same thing.
I don’t know, I feel friendship is stronger and more reliable, and would have respected Azazel a lot more if he’d been a brother not a lover.
A crush is loyal only as long as they want in your pants, and as soon as someone else attracts them, they’re gone and you’re just another someone they used to know. Sex and romance are all very temporary as far as I can tell, not that I’d know, I’m not capable of feeling that kind of attraction, I just see the misery it causes and thank my godself I’m not all that human.
I 100% agree with you! I fear the fall so I keep denying it from the start! and getting in my pants is a hard one if you want me to feel something toward you!
As far as I can tell, the only function of sex for demons is the transfer of energy, either for magic or as an offering. The emotional attraction, at least in my case, is a consequence of helping me experience emotions that I cut myself off from to increase my understanding.
I also was told that sex is a good way to form a connection to the person in question as well as it being healing I know I suffer from certain things about being intimacy. For one thing my confidence is basically down the drain from past people basically making me feel like ugly shit. But every since I started to have intimacy with beings I feel more and more comfortable with it and am starting to accept my self a bit more
I’m alright with that, if not being boring means being manipulated by the instinct of the base human animal my vessel is built on. There’s quite enough stupidity in the world, and some it’s from me, I don’t need to add to it any further.
I naturally run crying the other way when something intimate happens… Azazel tried to snap me out of my comfort zone so I got scared of him…
I fear the fall so I keep denying it from the start! 
np I am a female
I know I suffer from certain things about being intimacy. For one thing my confidence is basically down the drain from past people basically making me feel like ugly shit. 
But every since I started to have intimacy with beings I feel more and more comfortable with it and am starting to accept my self a bit more