Started with this at the beginning of the week. Called Viné first, to remove all resistance and blockages he has against being with me, and to any of my influence (Magickal or otherwise). I really like that spirit, not the first time evoking him and always that pleasant and strong energy, like a very wise gentleman.
Next day I called Belial, to make me be perceived as supremely high status marriage material, not only by him but by 3 people more the target has a good relationship with. At some point I heard “we don’t worry about ants”
Things were great in my friendship with my target and during the last few days they started going downhill, with him not giving me much time and definitely not making me anything close to a priority, so yesterday we had a not that friendly conversation and I’m afraid I came up as… maybe a bit dependent on him? Of course I rephrased things so that I didn’t look like it, but I’m not sure he bought it. I think the needy energy was there. No good. Our whole power dynamic has changed a lot in the last few months, with him having the upper hand the whole time, something that is definitely bad for me and my objectives.
And now I kind of feel like… is it possible that Belial doesn’t want to give me an aspect of being high status, but want for me to really be it? What I mean is, after this, I realized I’ve put myself in a position where my target holds all the power, and maybe Belial wants to really give me all the power, dignity and status that I’ve asked for, instead of giving me only the appearance of it. And the way to go is to show me how my behaviour hurts me and to force me to focus on myself, as I’ve decided now. And yes, I still want to make him think X of me with Dantalion, and to work with Gremori… but that will be of no good if I’m just waiting at home for his calls. I feel I needed to reach to the point of saying “fuck it”, I’m first working in the real world and with spirits to go back to the self I lost at the beginning of the year, where I have plenty of people crazy about me, I have my own life and I don’t need you. I may let you be part of my great life, but you’re not the center of it. And maybe even when I finish working on myself I won’t even care about what you do or think about me, because you’re not that amazing.
Don’t know if that’s how Belial works or if I’m just trying to make sense of a blow back of my shitty dependent attitude, but I feel enough is enough. Thanks @56cpdb for suggesting working with Belial, your advice is always on point. It might not have worked out as I wished, and now I’m a bit down… but I want to be here to be the operator of my own amazing reality, and not just a crying I-want-my-ex-back baby