Hi,
Especially Mulberry has already written some very accurate and useful answers.
Also John Wick is right.
I actually have a lot of experience with this, so I will give you my input.
You describe all the tell tale and classic signs of a parasite infestation. It seems very certain that you have a serious parasite problem.
Please take it very seriously and it sounds like it has progressively been able to dig deeper into you and then gaining more and more control over your mind and body and weakening you progressively more.
The sooner you get rid of it the better. The longer it stays the more dangerous and the harder it becomes to get it out, eventually it can become impossible, so don’t play and fool around with it.
This particular kind of parasite is very intelligent and it can go through all your memories, traits and patterns of mind and use anything to its advantage.
If it is an advantage to create the feeling of a mutual relationship of care or if it is helpful to act as a hurt little kitten or a needy spouse in order to control you and make you open up to it and to allow it to stick around, then it will.
It will create any illusion in your mind in order to get what it wants.
You are simply a host, a source of food and a home to it.
If you don’t buy into the illusion of a demoness lover, who deeply loves you, well then it will just change tactic, it can present it self as it wants to, whichever is most advantageous to controlling you, which depends on your mind, your emotions, your fantasies, ideas and expectations and theories.
It could change into a monstrous spider if you are afraid of spiders (and it needed to scare you away if you were about to kick it out while astral travelling), or if you are an empath it could present it self as a cute kitten with very big shiny eyes so you won’t hurt it etc etc.
The point is, don’t get caught up in all the imagery, the images you see in your mind, even when you are truly astral travelling (visionary magic, shamanic journeying), are really just translators and interpreters, so we can better communicate with the realm of spirits, which would make no sense without these images in the mind and other spiritual senses. Sometimes beings present them selves the same way to anyone who visits them in the inner realm and thus we get the impression of an objective visual reality in the spiritual realms, but really it is not.
It is not like the manifest world with its higher degree of objectivity, if a being in a spiritual realm presents it self as a demonic goddess with big boobs, does not mean that it objectively is just that. It could just mean that you see a spiritual parasite taking images from your mind and presenting it self in a way that would satisfy your own desires so that it can feed and control you.
Even very skilled shamans and visionary magicians can’t determine whether the spirit they are interacting with is either a true deity or a parasite by just looking at its visual presentation that the being and/or your mind produces to understand/communicate with the spirit (the raw energy of the spirit behind the scenes of vision does not really look like anything at all). The way you determine what it is, is by assessing its behaviour, energetic frequency, intuitive feel etc.
It is sucking your energy, leaving you drained. It comes back, when you tell it to go away, it latches onto you again, it forcefully produces images in your mind to trigger emotional response that will feed it etc etc… it is a parasite… It does not matter what it looks like or whether it gives you the impression and illusion of a emotional, loving and caring relationship.
But who am I to judge, if you or others are really that desperate to risk your mind/sanity, health or even your life, just to get a parasite to fabricate the feeling of a sexual relationship, then maybe it is worth for you. Who am I to say otherwise, people must decide for them selves…
But if you actually are not wildly frustrated, desperate and are able to have real connections to people instead, then it seems obvious to me that you should do everything you can to get rid of it as fast as possible.
Trouble is, these intelligent and tough parasites like the one you have, really don’t get booted by all the best banishing/cleansing rituals in the whole worlds (I have tried before already), though they may sometimes remove the minor parasites, but okay to be honest there are a LOT of shitty rituals out there, even from the very popular books etc. and sometimes the authors don’t really know them selves.
You sound like the sensitive type, and more open maybe due to some drugs also, which makes it all the worse, since it can then dig much deeper into you and force manipulate your whole system to more extremes… like for example force stimulating you sexually while you sleep (call it rape if you want), which trigger a stream of sexual energy out from you, which it eats and grows stronger by… it is nasty nasty stuff and makes it all much more difficult when it already has that level of control over your physical body.
Only the clever parasites really get such control over the physical body.
If you really are good at astral travelling, then maybe you could go into your own body, grab it by the neck really tightly and travel down into the underworld and zeal the opening so it does not come back.
If you are not really experienced and capable when it comes to visionary magic, then the best way is to simply starve it out.
Just don’t react emotionally to any of its manipulations and fabrications in your mind. Learn to react with stillness. Not ANY emotion, not anger, not fear, not arousal, nothing.
Become nothing, become the void, practice deep stillness, self restriction, become like an ascetic monk for a few months now in your life… and if you are successful you may end up starving it out entirely.
Again all the fancy rituals in the whole world won’t help you, really, not if you do them in isolation as your only tactic, they must be used together with emotional restriction and stillness, so it can’t feed, then when it gets weak enough after at least a month of successful starvation, THEN use the best cleansing rituals you have.
Raw deep, true stillness, not just feel good relaxation, can be the best protection of all, and it does not tie you up with all kinds of weird other beings, or draining you to make rituals or feeding other parasites to help you (many modern rituals play around with parasites even though the authors call them demons or/and angels, which again is just the parasite presenting it self as our foolish ideas about demons and angels, tricking us). Pure raw stillness on the other hand, will balance your energies, emotions, body, mind, it will recharge you slightly of lost energy, it will sedate and numb the parasite and make it unable to trigger an emotional response that feeds it.
When you are truly deeply still you can stand and watch any erotic imagery it produces and you still won’t emit any energy, then you can observe it passively and the parasite can’t feed and it get weaker.
You must learn not to engage with your thoughts and emotions, but to create the observer mind, let go of them and then also neutralize in deep stillness… sort of learn to make your self vanish and become nothing in a short moment.
It is a serious marathon of stillness and self restriction you need to get cured, but you have to if you care about your life.
Of course you could get lucky to find someone with the real skills to pull it out, but be warned there is a whole sea of pseudo-healers/shamans/magicians who really don’t know wtf they are doing, so chances are you are on your own.
Otherwise be ready to spend endless amounts of cash that you toss at an endless amount of incompetent healers, who don’t even know they don’t know.
You need someone with true visionary abilities or someone who really knows the process who can stay with you in your long process of starving it out, assisting you with stillness, exercises, herbal treatment/support etc.
You could also be one of the many lucky ones who develop immunity to parasites and eject it automatically eventually, which may be one of the reasons that many people here are not pestered by this, even though they have played around with the same ‘succubi’-games.
But don’t count on it, better pretend you don’t get immune, since it is too much of a gamble.
The violent dreams really sounds like fabrications by the parasite, it is not that it is really happening, it is just a very vivid and carefully crafted dreams and images that the parasite produces to cultivate and change your emotional expression in the world and to simply trigger emotional energy, which it feeds on.
By the description of those dreams it sounds like there is a high chance that your parasite could also feed on violence and death.
In the worst cases, these kinds of parasites can manipulate their host into killing people, raping people, raping while also killing etc… pretty nasty stuff, simply because they want to feed on the sexual energy and the death energy.
It is not true what some other people have said that parasites always feed on ‘dark energy’ (whatever that is), these new age love-bunnies are often heavily parasitized and the parasites will make them feel full of glorious love and light and feed on the emotional response and triggers.
They can feed on all kinds of emotional energy, call it light or dark, good or bad, there is no such thing, it is just energy and food for parasites.
Yes parasitized people tend to become depressed, but that it more all the harm, damage to the body, the fried and fucked up mind, their lives falling apart, natural reasons to get depressed when having a being suddenly running your life and making your health suffer, it is also a chemical/physical thing, a result of the bodily damage simply… depression… it is not because they ‘feed’ on depression… They feed on emotion and in your case sexual energy and possibly death energy… so careful about your enemies, or making new enemies, stay safe and don’t get into fights, it could just tip your anger over the top in terms of what would be normal for you.
I really hope you get it out whichever way or solution you end up using, but I think starvation, monkish asceticism and deep stillness, combined with herbs, lots of rest/sleep, daily meditation, no emotionally charged rituals, no magic, no porn, no movies, games, etc that produce emotion, lust, excitement etc sounds like the way to go for you.
Even other sources of stimulation can make you emotional and start craving and suddenly the parasite can push you more easily back into sexual stimulation, so you need to be thorough and serious.
I wish you the best of luck.