A Walk Between Worlds

[Mei]

I think I’ve just understood that dream I had with Belial, took me a while to see the meaning behind it but I think I have found it. And even if it isn’t this, it is still pretty interesting.

I struggled with anger my entiere life, to a point it was almost destructive during my depression period. I could feel it in my heart, almost if it was about to explode. I tried to hold it in during those moments, because I hated the way I felt.
Since I’ve came out of that shitty period, I had rare moments I would get angry, almost none to be honest, but when I get them I still get that horrible feeling in my chest, my mind just go blank and focus only on the thing that makes me angry, as if nothing else exists around me. Almost an obsession. And it’s always to the extreme, even though I am holding it in.

It’s one of the only thing I really hate about me, that anger I cannot control whatever I do.

And so earlier, I don’t remember what I was thinking about at start but I started going back to that dream, and especially to that part :

@Mei

They make me sit at a table in front of someone, them being behind me on another table, and we basically start doing a ritual. We were cursing a man, who was a pure jerk

There is one thing I forgot to mention though. In the dream, when we were about to curse that guy, I was trying to remember the anger I could feel sometimes, and how I tried to redirect it to him.
I don’t know why I didn’t think about this earlier. I mean, some people redirect their sexual energy towards something else, so why not anger ? Silly me.
And lately I’ve been getting more shits to my face that makes my anger building up, mostly at my work. Almost as if Belial was throwing shits at me so I can react. And all of this kinda make sense, with all the things I read about him, it just seems right.
And even if this isn’t what Belial was trying to tell me, it is just so interesting.

[Mei]

Weird little thing this morning, had an odd dream. I was leaving from work, was on the road to my house, then stopped on the side and walked in on the property of someone. The house looked empty, and abandonned (which in reality isn’t, there is people living there). And so after walking around, I find some kind of cave, so I enter. I was with another guy this entiere time, and at some point I ask him “Did anyone died here ?”.
Then suddently, the spirit of a dead cat shows up. It was a ginger cat, I could see it clearly. It comes to me, really happy. I tell me to show me what happened to him, which he intented on doing but something was blocked me from receiving the infos from the cat.

The dream ends here, and I wake up to go to work. I need maybe 10-15 mins to get there, on foot. I leave my house, and start walking. I start getting closer to the house from my dream, and I start to think how funny would it be if I found a ginger cat, like in my dream.
10 secs later what do I see ? Sitting 5 meters away from the house of the dream, a ginger cat, looking at me.
Considering that I’ve never seen a ginger cat in that area in months, and that this exact day I see one… What are the chances ? And what the fuck does it mean ?

[Silverleaf]

MB because you knew of it you started to see it , like with the car you see one for first time in your life suddenly it’s everywhere xD
Represents shape in consciousness
You can use this further to start see other things , if you are looking for it usually it appears

[Mei]

Ah could be yes, didn’t think of that, thanks !

[Nir666]

Stay strong,
I believe in You.

May, the elder gods keep you safe. ;).

[DarkestKnight]

Welcome @Nir666 It is a rule of this forum for all new members to properly introduce themselves, so PLEASE CLICK ON THE IMAGE BELOW and tell us about yourself and any experience you may have in magick, such as what you practice, how long you have practiced, areas of interest, etc:

[Mei]

Today in the new episode of stranger things…
I haven’t been updating my journal that much lately, so I suppose it’s time to change that.

I’ve been contacted by a few spirits since I’ve started on my path, and when at start I was pretty happy about it, now it confuses me a lot. Why are they reaching out to me ? What do they see that I do not see ? The more those things happens, the more questions I have.
A new spirit/god added himself on the list, and that’s Anubis/Anpu. I don’t think I need to explain who he is but he is, basically, a god of death (between other things).
A bit more than a month ago, I had what I think a first contact with him. It was during a meditation in which his name popped up in my head, with his face. At the moment I was like “Yeaaah, I probably made that up, I’ll see if I get more signs”. I prefered waiting, instead of getting myself all excited

I never intended to work with any egyptian deities, even though I loved ancient Egypt as a child, I used to write stories about it. All I really wanted was to focus on one or two spirits/gods, not more. Most of the spirits who contacted me before never really insisted, I mean, I got a dream or two about them and that was it. Almost like they were presentating themself to me ? I don’t know.
But Anubis ? He seems pretty adamant.

2 days ago, I took a little nap during the day. I woke up to a voice in my head saying “Contact Anpu”. It was clear as day. I was like alright, let’s see what we got here. I made a few researchs about him after that, to get as much infos I could get.
When the night came, I had a few dreams. In the first one, there was in front of me hundreds of dead bodies on the ground, covered in white sheets. The family of those people were around, crying them. I remember myself crying too, but there was no one I really knew in there. In the middle of those bodies, dogs, which I assume were dead too.
The second dream I had was really odd. My dog who died 1-2 years ago was here, telling me he wanted to come back to us. And I mean, it was really him, I could see him standing in front of me, and going in my arms.

[Mei]

That’s enough signs I assume ? I then tried contacting Anubis last night, nothing fancy, just a black candle, some incense and that’s it. Nothing ceremonial honestly, I just talked to him like I would normally do with Belial for example. I didn’t get any answer, but had a feeling he was around. I was super relaxed, which is pretty odd for me, and it didn’t take that long for me. I could feel some kind of cold air on my left side, and it’s really hot lately so yeah, weird.

Nothing amazing during the night, apart from a dream in which I had a dead bird in my hands. It was alive at start, then died and started to decompose fast, to end up with just the bones.

And then in another dream I had during the day (yeah, I like taking small naps), that one was really strange. I was in a house with a man, I have no idea who it was to be honest but we were about to start having sex. Not gonna lie, he was pretty handsome lol. We then get interrupted by something happening in the house. For some reason there was that music box on a shelf, with a ballerina on it, and it started to turn on by itself. I remember kind of hiding myself under the blanket, a bit afraid, while the man with me was about to cleanse the house, and banish I think. Things started going worse, as a lot of things in the house were moving around, the spirit was even throwing things across the rooms.
It was pretty spooky, not gonna lie. And it felt so real.
I remember trying to call Jared in the dream, who is one of my guides. He wasn’t coming, or at least I don’t think he was around.

Fast forward in the dream, I found myself in a building looking for that spirit who was throwing shits in the house. I then met the spirit of a dead child, he was probably around 12-14 years old, and he invited me to follow him. He wanted to guide me to the spirit I was looking for. I am pretty sure there was more dead spirits around me, but I didn’t get close to them.
I am now in a corridor, with the spirit at the end of it. Again, I am calling on Jared, to protect me while I go kick his ass. I start walking towards it, telling him to leave. I wasn’t asking, just to make it clear. Almost like, I was telling him to go away with my divine power or something (I don’t know much about that to be honest), almost ordering him ? He seems to get scared at first, and then started getting cocky with me, and more confident. I was still telling him to leave, loudly, to end up smiling right in front of him, almost if I was saying “You can’t beat me, I’m stronger”.

[Mei]

I am pretty sure of myself now, but I was curious of what I could get with cards. Looks pretty good to me. Lot of fire cards, and both decks are saying the same thing pretty much.
Question was : “What will be the outcome if I start on the path of necromancy ?”

[Mei]

Alright something amazing happened.

I usually like to nap during the day, mostly because I get a lot of messages during that time, in my dreams or else. Meditations do not work that well for me yet, same for divination, I assume it will take some time for me to get used to it.
So I had a dream earlier, which was totally fucked up at start, but got better after a bit. At one point, I was fighting with my sister in our house, I was trying to show to her boyfriend how crazy and manipulative she was (in real life she isn’t, and I really love her). We end up going in the dining room, me still angry at her.
I then turn around, and I see my grandpa sitting on the ground behind me. It’s like everything else didn’t exist anymore, although I could still “hear” my sister behind me, I didn’t care anymore. I went to sit on his right side.
He was showing me something, that looked like a corn flake for some reason, and he said :
“What you are looking for is right here.”
I looked at it, didn’t really understand what he was trying to tell me so I said ;
“I don’t know, it looks like a C (the letter) reversed, or a horseshoe. I don’t understand, please don’t talk in riddles”
He looked a bit concerned, almost wondering what was he allowed to say (that’s the feeling I got), he then told me a name, which is Raoul. I shall explain later that part.
So I’m like “Yeah, it kind of rings a bell for me but, not really”.
He takes my right hand, almost like he was trying to read the lines on it, shows me the spot under my thumb, Venus mount, and then the spot under my little finger (which looks like the marriage line or something), while saying :
“You see, you will find the answer either inside, or outside”.
Again, I was confused. I wanted to ask him if he was still here with us, or was he able to pass peacefully but the dream ended up here.

So first of all, my grandpa died few years ago. Although at the end I wasn’t that close to him, mostly because I was depressed as fuck, I loved him when I was younger. He was really kind, and loved us even tho he didn’t show it. I never had any dreams about him before he died, nor I had right after. I started dreaming about him last year, which was pretty curious to me.

Second, who is Raoul ? Raoul was, or at least I thought it was one of the spirit who was visiting me for a while, and who wanted to help me, before I told him to go away. I say “I thought” because he didn’t give me that name, he never gave me any name, but it was the first name that came in my mind when I wanted to know it. But I didn’t really believe the information I got was real. So not sure if it’s him or not.

So all of that let me really confuse, I don’t understand any of it. But I’m still happy to have seen my grandpa, he looked well and in peace, it’s what matters to me the most right now.

[Mei]

On another topic, I’ve tried getting in touch with my father again, and sent him a message 2-3 days ago.
The last time we talked with each other, I was 11 (I am now 23), and I was the one who didn’t want to see him anymore. He is a true psychopath, he manipulates people to get what he wants, and he always did. He likes to torture people, in his own way. He is highly intelligent, like most psychopaths and knows exactly how to get into people’s mind.

So why the hell would I want to talk to him again ? Because there is a part of my life I need to close, and he is part of it. I am not going to go into all the details, but when I was a kid, he did things to me a father shouldn’t do, sexually. And it’s only when I was 11, I understood it was wrong, and decided to get him out of my life. My mom agreed to it, and she was more than happy about it.
But because of what he did, I’ve had issues with men my whole life. I attracted people like him to me, without even knowing it, and I ended up suffering for nothing. Even now I have a hard time with men.

So 2 days ago, after the message was sent, I asked Belial to make sure things would go well, that I wouldn’t get “trapped” in his shit. Went to sleep right after, and had a really busy night. Had a few sleep paralysis, never had that many, and I’m suspecting it was probably Belial’s doing, I don’t know how but the timing was just too good. I ended up dreaming about him, in which he was hugging me, almost like to tell me he was here. Anyway.

My father called me earlier, and we stayed on the phone for 2 hours. The man didn’t change, he is still the same as before, if not worse. I called on Belial during the call, at the very beginning, because I was afraid I was going to lose my shit, I was shaking and was about to cry. I’m impressed how I was able to stand up to him, when he tried to get me many times during the call. He tried during the first hour to get above me, trying to stir shit up. Acting like an idiot, trying to make me say things I didn’t say. But nothing worked, and by the end of the first hour, he started to calm down, seeing how what he did wasn’t working. We then talked “casually” for the rest of the call. I think he was completly destabilised, mostly when I said at one point “You know, I don’t resent you anymore”. He didn’t expect that one, and went silent for a good 5-10 secs. He did not expect me to stand up to him, at all. I think when he called me, he was probably expecting me to scream at him, blame him for what he did and cry. That’s what he wanted, and the fact that I didn’t give him that pleasure, that I did not play his game, and that I was able to turn it against him, he didn’t like it AT ALL.

I am really proud of myself, and I am really thankful to Belial, because I am sure if I was able to react like that, it’s thanks to him.
@anon39079500 I’m tagging you on that one, thought you would be interested to know about it. And if you need a target for one of your workings, I have one for you

[anon39079500]

That took some real courage and I applaud you for it.

Knowing his relationship to you is all I needed

[Mei]

Thank you ! It was a big thing for me, I feel so much lighter honestly. Really proud of me on that one.

Relationship is a big word, there isn’t much connection anymore But yeah, feel free to do whatever you want to him my friend !

[dagar]

@anon39079500

That took some real courage and I applaud you for it.

Knowing his relationship to you is all I needed

Same here

[Mei]

Well, this journal might get a bit more active really soon.

I’ve mentioned it already I think but I get a lot of sleep paralysis, and sometimes I end up going out of my body (astral/etheric projection or whatever, I don’t know the difference yet). When it was happening months ago, there was always a random spirit around me, so I ended up assuming they were the one getting me out of my body. Not sure what is the truth honestly, but it doesn’t really matter anymore.

Lately, I realised how easy it was for me to get those sleep paralysis. When I say easy, I mean a 90% chance for me to get one when I take a nap during the day. They rarely happens during the night tho. And so I thought I could try and turning it to my advantage, to try to get out of my body, somehow.
I was a bit freaked out at start, mostly because I didn’t understand what was happening at all. Now I’m slowly getting used to it, and I’m not only getting more conscious during them (things are less blurry, and I am able to analyse things more easily), but my dreams are also getting affected.
I am finally able to lucid dream, thing that never happened before.

In the second lucid dream I had, which was less than a week ago, I was casually walking in the streets of some unknown country, looking for my dog who got stolen by some people. I then stop, and say “But… I don’t have a dog, Alto died years ago (which is true, I had a dog few years ago). So that means I’m dreaming !” The moment I said that, I started flying and going really high in the sky, to the point I could see the stars. I was laughing like a mad woman, and decided to call on Belial. Yeah, I was so fucking happy that I couldn’t resist lmao.
After maybe 10 secs, I ended up in a giant room which was pretty bright. I couldn’t even see the walls, nor the ceiling. There was a table in front of me, with a piece of paper on it. I don’t remember what was written on it fully, but it was like “Congratulations…”. I suddently felt someone behind me, and freaked out, falling on the floor. And who was it ? Belial. I was like shit, awesome. I couldn’t really see his face, but he looked “human”, physically. He looked proud of me (that’s how I felt it), and he said something like “… someone I like very much”, talking about me, but I didn’t quite catch the first part. He then walked away, and I woke up instantly.
Literally the best dream I’ve ever had.

I shall post more about my sleep paralysis and OBE’s experiences later, still trying to understand some things first.

[Mei]

Some things that happened few days ago but forgot to write them down.

As I mentioned in another message, I am trying to astral project since a while now. Although it did happen a few times already, I was never fully conscious during them, never really aware of my surroundings and there was always a spirit present (which made me assume they were the ones getting me out of my body).
Now that I am working on it fully, by myself, things seems to happen more… naturally I guess, more smoothly. But that’s where things gets confusing for me. Because my dreams are now getting so vivid, and lucid, that I sometimes have a hard time deciding if I am dreaming, or actually astral projecting.
Like this experience, which happened few days ago. I felt myself fall on my bed, then after a bit, I got out of my body, sitting on my bed and walking around in my room. I was wondering if I was actually dreaming, or in the astral and out of my body. So I was like alright, let’s go downstairs and see if I can find my mom. I go down, call her and could hear her answer from the bathroom. I go find her and explain what happens to her (me feeling myself fall on the bed and thinking I am in the astral) and she is like “Oh yeah, that’s weird”. She was reacting in the same way she would in the real life.
I woke up a bit after, so freaking confused of what happened.

Another one, which happened 2 days ago.
I was actually astral projecting this time, with the help of a spirit, no idea who it was. I kept getting put back in my body for some reason, like 3 or 4 times. Then after the last time, I was put in some really weird place, some kind of forest. I was wondering where the fuck I was, then I remembered something I read one day, that if you say you wanna go to a certain place or to a person, you will automatically go (no idea if its true, but wanted to try it), so I was like alright, I wanna go back to that spirit I was with earlier. Boom, teleported in some random house, which was totally not mine. No one was here, so I repeated the same stuff, and got teleported in my street, maybe 100 meters away from my house. Again, no one around. I got upset, and said " I wanna try something else then".
Something appeared in front of me, almost like the menu of a game (yeah I know, weird), and I could see Belial’s name on the right side, and Beliel on the left for some reason. I focused on Belial’s name, trying to get to him. In the same time, I could see the image of some big rusty chains in front of me, moving a bit. After a few seconds of nothing happening, I said “Well, seems like I’m not allowed there or something”.

And who appeared right next to me ? Yeah, you guessed it, Belial. Like the last time, I kind of got scared, mostly because I wasnt expecting it (seems like he likes to appear behind me to freak me out or something).
I started messing around, saying something like “Oh I wonder who you could be”, to which he answered with an amused look “I wonder yeah, who do you think I am huh ?”, and then I couldn’t resist and just hugged him. Not gonna lie, I was a bit scared he would be upset at me for that, but seemed quite happy with it.
And so we talked for a little bit, not enough for my taste tho. He mentioned a block he removed from me, and said he was surprised of how I kinda went in a rampage when it was gone (in a good way, I just dont know how to translate it).
I was really surprised of how he looked like, nothing I would have imagined. He was dressed like those bikers that ride Harleys, with reddish semi-long hair. When he appeared at start, he had a scaly skin with 2 horns on his head, that disapeared after a bit.
I woke up a bit after, freaking pumped up by what happened, and wondering again if that was a really lucid dream, or in the astral. Either way, I was still really happy about it !

[Mei]

Today I’ve learned something new, the dreamscape. I had no idea what it was, although I’ve seen it mentioned on the forum a few times, I’ve never really looked into it until today. So things are starting to make a bit more sense for me.

[Mei]

Now comes the issue of recognizing when I’m actually dreaming, and when I’m out of my body. Maybe I understand things badly I don’t know, maybe it’s really simple.
Usually before, I would get all the “signs” that I’m about to get out, so my body would vibrate, I could hear a lot of noise but then, I would just be out of my body, no in-between. I couldn’t really “see” myself rolling around and then sit on the bed, but now I do, and it’s way more vivid, I’m way more conscious aswell.
Today I even managed to go look at my face in the mirror, and damn it was weird. It wasn’t scary, but it didn’t look like my face at all, it was all distorted, my face kept moving around and I could see some kind of writing on it too.
Honestly ? I have no idea what’s going on It doesn’t really bother me though, I think it will make more sense for me at some point.

[Mei]

Just writing that down really quick.

Months ago I had a strange dream, in which I saw an eagle fly upside down (so legs up), to come right in front of my kitchen’s window. It was basically just hovering there watching me, until I got the message in my head “Pact in September”.
I questioned that dream for a bit, then totally forgot about it. You will see why I talked about that dream in a bit.

Until earlier when I went to practice astral projection. First of all it went quite smoothly, so smooth that when I actually came out the first time, I thought I failed and moved my physical body So I went back in bed and tried to “fall back asleep”. Pretty sure I heard a spirit mocking me at that time, because I got spooked for a bit, and was like “Did I just hear a spirit ?”

But anyway. Second time, I could feel my whole body vibrate (as always) but I could also feel the presence of a spirit right next to me, which again spooked me a bit but nothing crazy. Until I could feel it grab my legs, and start pulling really slowly. I asked him to stop but nop, just pulled me out of the bed fully. I was kind of getting attacked, and was panicking a bit. Not gonna lie I am not really proud of my reaction, I had no idea what to do.
Since I could feel my physical body, I was trying to move it with all my will but couldnt, even tried focusing on one finger or one toe, but nothing, I was probably too panicked.
After a bit it stopped fully, and a girl came next to me. She looked around my age, so in her 20’s, maybe younger. I dont remember what she said at start, but she did say at some point that something was going to happen in September. At start I was wondering what it could be, then I actually remembered the dream I mentioned and told her, that it wasnt the first time I heard that something was going to happen in September. She was like “Ah ! You see ?” I asked her if it was something just about me, or about everyone but she did not answer, although I had a heavy feeling it was for me.

She then started going out of the house, me still following her. When she went out of the gate, I decided I could try and enjoy the fact that I was out, and test a few things. Instead of opening the gate, I decided to go through it, which was my first time doing it and I was really surprised it worked.

I then starting calling Belial (yes again, what can I say, I am determined to talk to him everytime I get the chance ).
I couldn’t see him, even turned around to see if he was appearing behind me again but nop. I did see a big house cat following me though, which was greyish, with a really long fur. I wonder if this wasnt a familiar of Belial. Also, it isnt the first time I see cats around me when I go out of my body, so I’m wondering whats up with that.
Anyway. I ended up flying around, and was wondering if I would be able to meet any entities in the astral. I started going through a really really dark place, and when I almost couldn’t see anything, I turned around and went back towards the light, and woke up right after that. No idea what it was, but quite spooky.

Oh and little edit, this one was the most vivid I’ve ever had. It wasnt blurry at all, and I was fully conscious during it. I actually thought about it while I was out and flying, and pointed out how real it felt like.

[Mei]

Question : What should I expect to happen in September ?