Yep I saw that. It was a weird feeling, I wanted so bad to open my eyes lmao, my brain was like “You seeing things with your eyes closed ? Nono”
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Feeling good today 
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I’ve been trying to find a path to follow since a while, a path that other people walked on but I can’t seems to find one. I read about pretty much anything, but nothing seems to really “work” for me, and because of that I have a pretty low motivation to get into things.
The only thing I know for sure, it’s that I like working with herbs and candles but those are just tools to achieve things I want. But what the fuck do I want, that’s the question. Yes I want to do spells, do some magick, but for what ? There is nothing I need, or want. My life feels quite confortable to me and yeah I’m sure I could improve it a lot more but I don’t want it for now, maybe later who knows. Sharing my life with someone, yeah that’s something I miss, but not because I need or want to be loved, but because I want to share my passions, my practices with that person. It doesn’t even have to be a lover, I don’t care !
So in the end, what am I really looking for ?
Knowledge. I want to grow spiritually, I want to learn everything I can, so I can get answers to my questions. But fuck, it takes time… It’s really frustrating. And even more when I’m not seeing what is ahead of me because there is nothing I can follow, nothing I can relate to. It’s like walking in the abyss.
On another note, I’ve been hearing a lot of voices in my head lately, I sometimes exchange with those voices. They aren’t saying bad things, but they are being reassuring, they give me some advices, things I should do or sometimes they give me a good slap in the face when needed. Are they coming from my own mind, some entities or my Higher Self in some sort ? Not really familiar with the last one, but none the less, it sometimes scares me, as I don’t know if I am going crazy and I just hear what I would want to hear, or if those are real.
Just throwing my thoughts in here, it doesn’t make much sense honestly but hey 
Just one question I have in mind. Should I make my own path, even though it might take a lot more time, and I might get pissed off every single time ?
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Ooh this is nice😯
A bit confused with what is going on lately. It is usually really easy for me to remember my dreams, so easy that I sometimes remember 3 or 4 in one night, but it’s been a week or two I can’t recall any ! And when I do, it’s really really foggy, which makes it hard to remember what was going on in it.
I woke up this morning, not remembering anything from the night but I somehow knew I’ve been told something important in my dream. I tried to remember it for a good 10-20 mins, but wasn’t successful so I just got up from my bed and decided to prepare my breakfast. Then out of nowhere, I remembered one thing from my dream, which was what someone was telling me, nothing else. It was something like “You are shining so brightly…” I didn’t quite get the second part, which I think was some comparaison with me and something else.
Is it some kind of riddle again ? 
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Have a feeling I should finally start working with the other entities that contacted me but I kind of pushed away for the moment, because I thought it wasn’t the right time. I always wanted to focus my work with Belial but I don’t know, I’m getting a weird feeling that I have to go forward and stop thinking to only work with him.
So I thought about it a bit earlier, and when I said in my head “I should maybe start opening a bit more to them”, I had that voice in my head literally right after saying “To you”. It has been a while since I haven’t heard anything like that, which wasn’t my own thoughts, so I find it interesting right now. Not sure what it means fully, maybe as in I am blocking my own progress ? Or is there something else to it ?
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This week is a really good week, and today is a really good day ! 
Nergal contacted me months ago to I guess, introduce himself to me after Belial. He came back after some time to reassure me that I do not have to contact them back, so that I shouldn’t stress myself out (that’s how I understand it at least).
But lately I am feeling even more drawn to him, and less to Belial. Don’t get me wrong, I still appreciate Belial a lot, even though I’ve never had the occasion to really have a good conversation with him, and I’m sure one day I will, but I feel like he distanced himself a bit from me. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want to work with me anymore, but I feel it’s something else. I might have a little idea, but we shall come back to that part later.
So few days ago, I’ve told Nergal during one of my meditations that I am ready to start working with him finally, and asked him to send me a sign if he agreed to it, since my senses are still weak, and it’s really rare for me to hear them. I had to wait maybe what, a day or two ? @King_kemet did a reading for me, which was basically talking about teamwork, as in I should work more with the spirits around me. But more importantly, he said “This is a call for you to to pay attention to the intuitive messages coming to you from the underworld”. Sounds pretty clear to me, right ? I didn’t mention anything concerning spirit work, or Nergal in my question, so yeah a bit odd. But I take that as a Yes from Nergal.
Now I just need to move my ass, and show him that I can stop myself from being a lazy girl 
Now coming back to Belial. Yesterday during one of my meditation, I felt like talking out loud about him. Just explaining my concerns to whoever might be listening, and how I was under the impression things changed a bit. Because I don’t know, I don’t “feel” him that much anymore around me, nor I get dreams about him, which used to be a thing before. His name doesn’t pop up in my head randomly anymore.
I am not worried about it, a bit sad maybe ? But that’s alright, if it’s what he wants or think it’s better for me, I won’t hold any grudges. And how could I honestly ?
And so when I went to sleep, I had an interesting dream. I was back to school, university or high school I don’t know, couldn’t tell. It was my first day so I was just roaming outside of classes, trying to find my marks. There was a lot of people around me, but there was that one girl I see, with a tatoo of Belial’s sigil on her hand, I go to her and mention it, saying I know about it. She starts getting a bit mad, thinking I am messing with her, before I start telling her I’ve been working with him for a year (which is true in the reality).
She brings me to a room where there is other people, less than 10, who also practice. Made me think of a coven of some sort. They had Belial as a patron, who was basically watching over them from what I could understand. They make me sit at a table in front of someone, them being behind me on another table, and we basically start doing a ritual. We were cursing a man, who was a pure jerk. Followed to some kind of prayers, to seems like other witches who died, or might have been normal women I couldn’t say. I didn’t move from my chair, like the person in front of me, trying to focus on our spells. And the others were dancing on the side, almost in a trance.
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Definitely a call from Belial. He can be difficult to understand and he works in very mysterious ways. He may withdraw himself from you periodically but dont take offense to this. He’s defintely giving you time to develop. He will still pop up from time to time, watching from the shadows.
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Oh no I don’t take offense, deep inside I know I don’t have to worry, it’s a weird feeling. He did so much for me already that I don’t know if I’ll ever get mad at him one day. I know he wants me to start contacting other entities, so that’s probably why he is backing off a bit.
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I think I’ve just understood that dream I had with Belial, took me a while to see the meaning behind it but I think I have found it. And even if it isn’t this, it is still pretty interesting.
I struggled with anger my entiere life, to a point it was almost destructive during my depression period. I could feel it in my heart, almost if it was about to explode. I tried to hold it in during those moments, because I hated the way I felt.
Since I’ve came out of that shitty period, I had rare moments I would get angry, almost none to be honest, but when I get them I still get that horrible feeling in my chest, my mind just go blank and focus only on the thing that makes me angry, as if nothing else exists around me. Almost an obsession. And it’s always to the extreme, even though I am holding it in.
It’s one of the only thing I really hate about me, that anger I cannot control whatever I do.
And so earlier, I don’t remember what I was thinking about at start but I started going back to that dream, and especially to that part :
There is one thing I forgot to mention though. In the dream, when we were about to curse that guy, I was trying to remember the anger I could feel sometimes, and how I tried to redirect it to him.
I don’t know why I didn’t think about this earlier. I mean, some people redirect their sexual energy towards something else, so why not anger ? Silly me.
And lately I’ve been getting more shits to my face that makes my anger building up, mostly at my work. Almost as if Belial was throwing shits at me so I can react. And all of this kinda make sense, with all the things I read about him, it just seems right.
And even if this isn’t what Belial was trying to tell me, it is just so interesting.
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Weird little thing this morning, had an odd dream. I was leaving from work, was on the road to my house, then stopped on the side and walked in on the property of someone. The house looked empty, and abandonned (which in reality isn’t, there is people living there). And so after walking around, I find some kind of cave, so I enter. I was with another guy this entiere time, and at some point I ask him “Did anyone died here ?”.
Then suddently, the spirit of a dead cat shows up. It was a ginger cat, I could see it clearly. It comes to me, really happy. I tell me to show me what happened to him, which he intented on doing but something was blocked me from receiving the infos from the cat.
The dream ends here, and I wake up to go to work. I need maybe 10-15 mins to get there, on foot. I leave my house, and start walking. I start getting closer to the house from my dream, and I start to think how funny would it be if I found a ginger cat, like in my dream.
10 secs later what do I see ? Sitting 5 meters away from the house of the dream, a ginger cat, looking at me.
Considering that I’ve never seen a ginger cat in that area in months, and that this exact day I see one… What are the chances ? And what the fuck does it mean ?
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MB because you knew of it you started to see it , like with the car you see one for first time in your life suddenly it’s everywhere xD
Represents shape in consciousness
You can use this further to start see other things , if you are looking for it usually it appears
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Ah could be yes, didn’t think of that, thanks !
Stay strong,
I believe in You.
May, the elder gods keep you safe. ;).
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Welcome @Nir666 It is a rule of this forum for all new members to properly introduce themselves, so PLEASE CLICK ON THE IMAGE BELOW and tell us about yourself and any experience you may have in magick, such as what you practice, how long you have practiced, areas of interest, etc:
Today in the new episode of stranger things…
I haven’t been updating my journal that much lately, so I suppose it’s time to change that.
I’ve been contacted by a few spirits since I’ve started on my path, and when at start I was pretty happy about it, now it confuses me a lot. Why are they reaching out to me ? What do they see that I do not see ? The more those things happens, the more questions I have.
A new spirit/god added himself on the list, and that’s Anubis/Anpu. I don’t think I need to explain who he is but he is, basically, a god of death (between other things).
A bit more than a month ago, I had what I think a first contact with him. It was during a meditation in which his name popped up in my head, with his face. At the moment I was like “Yeaaah, I probably made that up, I’ll see if I get more signs”. I prefered waiting, instead of getting myself all excited 
I never intended to work with any egyptian deities, even though I loved ancient Egypt as a child, I used to write stories about it. All I really wanted was to focus on one or two spirits/gods, not more. Most of the spirits who contacted me before never really insisted, I mean, I got a dream or two about them and that was it. Almost like they were presentating themself to me ? I don’t know.
But Anubis ? He seems pretty adamant.
2 days ago, I took a little nap during the day. I woke up to a voice in my head saying “Contact Anpu”. It was clear as day. I was like alright, let’s see what we got here. I made a few researchs about him after that, to get as much infos I could get.
When the night came, I had a few dreams. In the first one, there was in front of me hundreds of dead bodies on the ground, covered in white sheets. The family of those people were around, crying them. I remember myself crying too, but there was no one I really knew in there. In the middle of those bodies, dogs, which I assume were dead too.
The second dream I had was really odd. My dog who died 1-2 years ago was here, telling me he wanted to come back to us. And I mean, it was really him, I could see him standing in front of me, and going in my arms.
That’s enough signs I assume ? I then tried contacting Anubis last night, nothing fancy, just a black candle, some incense and that’s it. Nothing ceremonial honestly, I just talked to him like I would normally do with Belial for example. I didn’t get any answer, but had a feeling he was around. I was super relaxed, which is pretty odd for me, and it didn’t take that long for me. I could feel some kind of cold air on my left side, and it’s really hot lately so yeah, weird.
Nothing amazing during the night, apart from a dream in which I had a dead bird in my hands. It was alive at start, then died and started to decompose fast, to end up with just the bones.
And then in another dream I had during the day (yeah, I like taking small naps), that one was really strange. I was in a house with a man, I have no idea who it was to be honest but we were about to start having sex. Not gonna lie, he was pretty handsome lol. We then get interrupted by something happening in the house. For some reason there was that music box on a shelf, with a ballerina on it, and it started to turn on by itself. I remember kind of hiding myself under the blanket, a bit afraid, while the man with me was about to cleanse the house, and banish I think. Things started going worse, as a lot of things in the house were moving around, the spirit was even throwing things across the rooms.
It was pretty spooky, not gonna lie. And it felt so real.
I remember trying to call Jared in the dream, who is one of my guides. He wasn’t coming, or at least I don’t think he was around.
Fast forward in the dream, I found myself in a building looking for that spirit who was throwing shits in the house. I then met the spirit of a dead child, he was probably around 12-14 years old, and he invited me to follow him. He wanted to guide me to the spirit I was looking for. I am pretty sure there was more dead spirits around me, but I didn’t get close to them.
I am now in a corridor, with the spirit at the end of it. Again, I am calling on Jared, to protect me while I go kick his ass. I start walking towards it, telling him to leave. I wasn’t asking, just to make it clear. Almost like, I was telling him to go away with my divine power or something (I don’t know much about that to be honest), almost ordering him ? He seems to get scared at first, and then started getting cocky with me, and more confident. I was still telling him to leave, loudly, to end up smiling right in front of him, almost if I was saying “You can’t beat me, I’m stronger”.
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