I have never seen myself as a jealous person, nor have I had to really deal with it… That is untill now.
I ave recently come to the realization that I am indeed jealous. Normally I wouldn’t think it much of a problem, somthing I could easily get over, but this one is a bit different, complicated.
The individuals I am jealous of is by no fault of there oun and I know this. Fault lays on others.
What makes this harder is I am trying to forg a heathy relationship with these individuals and I don’t want this jealousy to eat away at it or corrupt it.
So if any of you have any tips. I would love to hear them.
Well acknowledging that the problem isnt on their side is good that means you dont put the bland on them.
I think that jelousy is a strict personal thing so i can never blade anyone else for it. I dont wanna see myself as jealouse either but i know i am and i have worked on it quite a bit and one of the things i did was honest about it with the persons it was about and told them that the problem was on my end and asked them to have patient with me about it. I also asked for their assistance in that they could try not put me in situation that would play on my jealousy. Guess it depends a little on whom the persons are and what you are jealouse about.
Best of luck with it.
If you want to keep.it healthy admit your jealous to yourself and strive to gain the qualities of the people you are jealous off. if one is good with communicating with people for example. watch them in action what do they do? how do they answer back? do they listen? then speak? ect…
Look into preventing the transmission of Malochia if you haven’t already. Draja Mickaharic’s book Spiritual Cleansing talks about it in the excerpt listed here.
First of all, communication and honesty is the most important thing in poly relationships. If they aren’t willing to open the lines of communication and help you work through it by talking with you; Sorry but they should just be swingers. I’m sick of the jealousy shaming that runs rampant in those communities.
You have feelings; you aren’t a robot. Feeling jealousy is completely normal and shouldn’t be shamed. It just takes maturity to be able to do the work part of a relationship. Communication, connection, support, and honesty. If they shame you or call you “toxic” for opening up and being honest about your feelings. Sorry, but they aren’t mature enough to make it work.
I’ve tried the polyamorous thing back in the day, for the sake of the one person I actually cared about. Long story short, it didn’t work out. I am misanthropic though, but was willing to experiment for the one person I had feelings for.
Communication is important. It’s called OPEN for a reason.
Realizing and acknowledging the roots of the issue of jealousy and talking about it is key.
And also, the other partner/s might have caused it. In any relationship the emotional well-being of all involved is a mutual responsibility that needs to be taken seriously. If I neglect my husband in some way, then he sees me flirting and gets upset, he can’t be blamed for that. That’s on me. People forget that.
What I am jealous of is the time they got to have growing up with our father while my brother and I where out of sight, out of mind. We would see our father every other weekend, then that slowly started to be maybe once a month, twice if we where lucky. Then out of nowere, nothing for ten years, TEN YEARS!!! After that speratic. Still that way. Barly here from him. Well my bother is lucky he hears from him more then I do.
When I am with my sisters I am fine. The jealousy seems to creep up when I think about them. Then the thought of all the time they got that I didn’t. What made them so special?.
I understand where your coming from I was always jealous because I thought my step sisters got to see and spend more time with my biological dad than me.
What to do - travel to/evoke their Higher Selves, rant and rave so that you’ve been HEARD and are not having to bear not only the fact this happen ed, but the kind of duty to pretend you are okay with it…
That’s what I would do.
It sucks and you have every right to feel that way though.
Seems like you need closure more than anything else. Perhaps you were the independant child that could handle the hard stuff so they left you alone. Thats the shitty part about being the strong one, they never ask how your doing cos you always show that you can handle everything. It would be nice to be asked though.
Thanks it’s nice to have validation that feelimg this way is reasonable.
I think I might give that a shot. Thank you for the advice.
@kiss-lamia-lilith you are more then likely right. Closure very well could be what I need. Maybe it is time for me to put my foot down and not let my parents dance around the subject like they tend to do, doing the blame game. Time to hold them accountable. You could also be very right about that too. I have tended to be the one with a thicker skin and level head, calm, cool and collected.
