So, Lately I’ve been seeing the suffering so many are going through. I feel a bit like Siddhartha when he stepped out of the palace that day. I’ve helped many of you individually possibly even over a hundred of you I’ve lost count. But more keep coming sharing their heart ache, their sadness, their disappointment in their workings and I know I can do more I really feel it in my bones. And seeing so many like this in this state I know I’m not doing enough.
I mean obviously I know magick and a bunch of other random shit too. I can write and I can write about magick but I just don’t know where to start. I feel overwhelmed and my thoughts disorganized. I feel like there’s so much to teach and so much interconnecting info and like the spiderweb of information is too large and vast to even begin to explain it. I don’t know how to organize the chaos and lay it out in a way that someone who’s never pondered the mechanics of the universe let alone the deep gnosis of the fabric of reality could use in a practical way. Or even make sense of.
I’m supposed to be the guy with the answers but I’m at a loss. I’m overwhelmed I’ve stretched myself too thin. I’m not used to asking for help I’m the one who does the helping. I’m supposed to be the tip of the spear, the general who fights at the front, the leader who’s followers have to run to keep up with. I feel like I’m missing something simple and obvious. Every time I sit down to write a book I get lost in the info there’s too much and I don’t know where to begin. I start writing things out and then I realize I have to explain and elaborate and each sentence becomes a book of its own. How do I consolidate it? How do I narrow it down? How do I bring the information in order so it clicks as the reader follows it along?
I’ve written stories, screenplays, instructions and all kinds of things why can’t I do this? Why is my mind all of the sudden so scattered like broken windsheild glass on the freeway? How do I give these concepts form and structure and place them in some sort of chronological order? People need me and I feel like I’m failing them. What is this simple and obvious thing I’m missing? I’m so lost in the forrest I cant see it through the trees.
I got so wrapped up in being a living god I guess I had forgotten that I was human.