A Journal: Conversations with the Stars

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
61

I had my old male cat euthanized, but I still have my one-year-old cat. I had no plans of getting another cat, yet one morning while driving, I heard Bast say, “[My cat] wants to be a momma! Give her a baby!”

“What?” I thought.

Then up ahead, I saw an old man sitting on the side of the road with a “FREE KITTENS” sign. Suddenly it was like I was not in control of myself and I was possessed. I pulled my car over and got out. The man smiled and showed me the kittens: three tabbies and a black cat.

The fuck am I doing? I thought. I had not planned this.

The old man told me a cat had kittens on his porch, then ran off and never came back. He had bottle-fed the kittens himself. Still not fully in control of myself, I reached in and grabbed one of the tabbies and took her home.

The fuck am I doing? I heard Bast laughing. Damn it, Bast. She possessed me and made me get a kitten. When I brought the kitten inside, my adult cat sniffed her and followed her around for a bit. She immediately decided that this kitten was her baby now. She grabbed her by the scruff, dragged her around a bit, and began cleaning her. The kitten was really dirty and needed it. Kitten didn’t like being groomed by a strange cat. She tried to run away, but adult cat held her down with her paws. Kitten flailed about and yowled loudly. Adult cat cleaned between her toes, inside her ears, etc.

Adult cat is never more than a few steps away. She cleans the kitten, plays with her, snuggles her, etc. Kitten follows adult cat around and imitates whatever she’s doing.

So. Bast found a kitten that never had a mom and used me to pair her up with an adult cat that wanted a baby. Bast is watching over all the cats and making humans tend to them. Or at least me.

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62

My intuition tells me Bast is behind the notorious “cat distribution system”. Wish I had a cat but my family are dog people. Unless I wound up with a stray that was injured I won’t have a cat until I’m living on my own

63

I feel the same way. She is the goddess of the cat distribution system!

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64

Previously, Sheliak had told me about her courtship and marriage. She was willing to give a ton of information, pages and pages. I have only written a small portion her. Through her story, I learned, well, the mating and breeding habits of insect alien race known in fiction as the “Black Arms.” I will not post this info, but being a scientist, I wrote it all down in my notes. I do have a scientific interest in the behavior and psychology of other species, but I know others won’t look at it all through a scientific lens, so…it’s secret. However, after writing it down and reading my notes, I realized that I’d written something that sounds like a sci-fi horror movie. The lives of insects and other invertebrates does read like horror material to humans, but not to the actual animals themselves.

Take jumping spiders, for example. The males perform mating dances to impress the females. If a female doesn’t like a male’s dance, she will likely kill and eat him. Imagine if humans did that. Imagine a guy asking a girl out, and instead of simply saying no, she kills and eats him right there!

But then, I imagine that humans sound like horror monsters to the spiders. ;p

Anyway, I wanted to know Rasalhague B’s side of the story. He didn’t give much, but I expected that. He told me that selecting a princess for his people was part of his duty as a prince. He is motivated a lot by a sense of duty, a typical Saturn trait. He said that being a member of royalty in the Egyptian empire is not like being human royalty. For example, an ordinary person can earn a royal title, as his wife, Sheliak, did. Titles are earned, not freely given, and you have to earn the right to keep them. If you are a shit leader who doesn’t fulfill their obligations, the people will get rid of you. Yes, “Shadow” is a prince because his father is a king, but he had to prove himself worthy of the title.

“Shadow” said that royal courtship is a job interview process. Love is not enough for a royal match as it is for the citizens. The candidate must have the proper skills. Sheliak had proven a powerful, clever warrior who worked her way into a leadership position. So, she could lead and she could fight. A princess who couldn’t do both would be no good.

His father, Rasalhague A, frequently cross-examined Sheliak during this whole process and often tried to intimidate her to see how she would react. Would she be frightened by him? A coward had no place on the throne. Sheliak, why do you really want to marry my son? You’re an infamous sneak thief! How do I know you’re not just after our royal coffers? And so on.

Sheliak was not frightened. She’s a smart woman, so she knew what he was doing and why.

Rasa A said he did all that because he must keep the best interests of his son and his kingdom in mind.

Finally, both Rasalhagues and Sheliak agreed to the arranged marriage.

Rasa A told Sheliak, “I approve of this marriage, but if you ever betray us [the “Black Arms’“] or break my son’s heart, I will kill you and feed you to the larvae!”

No problem. You don’t have to worry about that, said Sheliak.

I have heard Rasa A make the “I will kill you and feed you to the larvae” threat multiple times to those that annoy him. I know he would do it.

65

A few months ago, I approached a spiritual healer who goes to my Unitarian Fellowship about a particularly stubborn parasite. The man, who I will call Gregg, said, “Tell me the names of your spirit guides.”

“Spirit guides?”

“Yes, spirit guides. Do you have one? Two? Seven?”

“Their names are, um, Sheliak and Rasalhague B,” I said, just because I saw a flash of them standing there.

“Ok,” said Gregg. Then I could tell that Gregg was talking to someone. His eyes moved back and forth, and he said, “Uh huh…yes…I understand…uh huh…”

Gregg performed a series of hand motions, and I felt things being removed from my body. Finally he said, “There. That should help you. But your spirit guides say that’s not enough. You need more. This is serious problem.”

I had suspected that. This thing refuses to give up or let go. I have been removing pieces of it for a long time, but as it attached itself to me at birth, it is deeply embedded and stubborn. I hate that this kind of situation can even happen.

Then I said, “You saw my spirit guides?”

Gregg said, “I can’t see, but I can hear. Yes, I heard them.”

“So I’m not crazy. They’re real.”

His roommate, also a healer, said, “Star-seeker, you’re not crazy.” She hugged me.

But the feeling of, “you’re just some crazy stupid bitch,” still haunts me.

66

Sheliak clarified for me why she became a thief after the last post I made about her. She wanted a life of luxury and glamor, and since she couldn’t go it the honest way, that is, get a job because women aren’t allowed to work in her world of origin, she decided that achieve the good life through stealing.

Rasalhague B: I am glad that the Egyptian pantheon hired her. She would have rotted in that world (living as a housewife) instead of putting that brilliant mind of hers to use.

Sheliak also told me, she is not the animal that humans call a vampire bat, but a vampire who happens to be a bat. A bat that is a vampire. I have misunderstood her. She drinks blood but also feasts on sexual energy, sort of like a succubus but she is not a succubus. “I am the most powerful vampire,” she says. “I can make any man love me.”

***

The two of them have been helping me remove the entity I mentioned in the previous. It feels like I am making no progress, but if I think back a year or even three months, I can see that I have changed a lot and gotten so much better. The entity is feeding on old trauma, and healing the trauma is part of the process of getting rid of it.

Dua Rasalhague, healer of trauma!

67

Sheliak is pleased with what I’ve written so far. She wants to be known as a powerful goddess who is an Arrow of Sekhmet and Hathor. I don’t believe that will happen just because I’ve written about her here, but okay Sheliak. Whatever you say.

She has helped deprogram purity culture nonsense from my brain. I know purity culture is bullshit, but I still have subconscious, unintentional reactions from Christianity being drilled into my brain. Sheliak tells me it’s okay for women to be sexual, to desire sex, to enjoy sex, to be proud of their bodies, etc. These things I intellectually know, but the programming that leads to subconscious shame is there.

Ugh, I feel as if I will spend my entire life unlearning Christianity. This religion really fucks people up, at the least the version of Christianity here in America.

I took Sheliak to the new rock shop in my town to give her an offering to thank her. I told her she could choose what she wants as long as it’s affordable. She gasped when she spotted a basket of blue chalcedony, so I bought her a piece.

68

I did a three card tarot pull this morning. It looks like Asmodeus has set something in motion to help me out with money.

3 of Wands (waiting for something to come in)

King of Pentacles (his card)

6 of Pentacles (gift)

69

Me: Asmodeus?

Asmodeus: Yes?

Me: I’ve been reading magicians’ accounts of summoning demons. How come some people get a loving guide and some people get the Christian version of a demon? You know, an evil spirit that possesses people, torments them, and ruins their life?

Asmodeus: That is due to the magician’s intent. Many people believe in the Christian idea of a “demon” and want to summon that. Therefore, that is the thought-current they tap into and receive.

***

I don’t know what a thought-current is. I suppose he means human-made “demons.”

70

Rasalhague B was sitting cross-legged before me. He was having me repeat mantras.

“I am not responsible for other people’s emotions,” he said.

I took a deep breath. “I am not responsible for other people’s emotions.”

“Other people’s emotions don’t have the power to harm me.”

And then.

“Other people’s thoughts have no power to harm me.”

“But…they can! Through thoughtforms!” I said.

He held up a finger to silence me. “Not anymore,” he said.

I took a deep breath. Okay. I repeated the mantra.

***

This is 99% of what we do. Work to heal childhood trauma. At times I get so frustrated. It feels like I’m so fucking damaged and have so many layers of fucked-up-ness that I could this for the rest of my life and still be so fucked up.

“I understand,” says Rasalhague. “I once felt that way, but you can get through this.”

***

Is this even real? I’m having a vision of a video game character.

A voice whispers in my ear, “But does it matter if the spirit is helping? Why should his form mean that I’m insane?”

71

I feel much better today.

I did meet an Arrow who is associated with partying. He is over gambling, drinking, and smoking. He has a private, invite-only BDSM dungeon in the Egyptian spirit world. He appeared as some sort of canine. I did not get his name. I forgot about this until another member posted a topic asking about such a spirit.

***

“Fixed Star” Vertex

Astrologers once thought this was a fixed star, but modern astronomers have discovered that it is a galaxy, Galaxy M31 or the Andromeda Galaxy.

Current Position: 28 degrees Aries

Planetary Nature: Mars+Moon

Tarot Card: The Star

Traditional Associations: negative secret habits leading to self-destruction, mental problems including obsession and psychosis, blindness, injuries to the eyes, violent death.

***

I met the Egyptian Vertex. This being is using the mask of the fictional character “Silver the Hedgehog.” I’ve seen him both as “Silver” and his true form. This true form looks like a regular hedgehog made of what I can only call crystalized starlight. He was sitting up on his hind legs and had wings of white light that slowly flapped as he was talking to me.

Vertex announced that he is the son of Djehuty, god of the moon and time, and Abaset, the hedgehog goddess. He said that he is indeed the guardian of the time stream and has the ability to travel through time. I was told that only a very powerful entity, such as the spirit of an entire galaxy, can do this sort of thing.

I looked up game lore on his fictional self because I know nothing of this character, but I’ve seen him on merchandise. Game lore calls him “naive,” but the real one is quite the opposite—a wise, mature being. Rasalhague B, aka “Shadow,” told me that he is very young, but wise because he has “seen things” by travelling through the time stream. I was told that he will be an especially powerful Arrow when he reaches maturity.

I believe the moon nature of this galaxy links him to Djehuty and time, as the moon was used to measure time in Egypt and around the world.

His message to this world, told through his “fictional” self, is that humans should work toward making a good future for themselves. Humans are a short-sighted species that tends to think in terms of “what’s good for ME right now,” but they should also think of what’s good for the whole in the long term. They should not do things that fuck up the world for the generations that come after them. Humanity’s destiny is in its own hands. Will they make this world heaven or hell? It’s their choice.

72

Rasalhague B told me that like his fictional self, he loves firearms and motorcycles. He is an expert marksman and works as a sniper and a firearms instructor in the Egyptian military. He said that those who work with guns (ex: soldiers, cops, etc.) can call on him to improve their skills.

73

“What do we know,” he had said, “of the world and the universe about us? Our means of receiving impressions are absurdly few, and our notions of surrounding objects infinitely narrow. We see things only as we are constructed to see them, and can gain no idea of their absolute nature. With five feeble senses we pretend to comprehend the boundlessly complex cosmos, yet other beings with a wider, stronger, or different range of senses might not only see very differently the things we see, but might see and study whole worlds of matter, energy, and life which lie close at hand yet can never be detected with the senses we have.”

H. P. Lovecraft, “From Beyond”

74

There is a comic con coming up in my area.

Me, to Terebellum: Oooh, there’s a costume contest! I’m going to go as you!

Terebellum: What?

Me: And you can go as me! We’ll confuse any psychic humans or spirits who see us!

Terebellum: You are very silly!

Me: I’m kidding! I’m going as Red Death.

Note: As I said before, Terebellum is the actual entity behind the manga shinigami called “The Undertaker.” He inserted himself into fiction because it’s a good way to make yourself known to modern humans.

In ancient Egypt, people believed that Arrows of Anubis, such as Terebellum, guarded burial places and would punish people who fucked with the dead or robbed tombs. In modern America, there is not really a problem with this, except in areas where there is a lot of occult activity like New Orleans. Or old historical cemeteries—people like to vandalize those. I suppose Terebellum could be called upon to punish people who engage in cemetery vandalism and grave robbery.

He told me that like his fictional persona, he is a great lover of laughter and jokes. He is a spirit who will work with comedians or anyone who simply wants to learn the art of making others laugh.

Below: anime clip of “The Undertaker” demanding jokes as payment for his services.

75

Research notes: fixed star divinities in Persia

Aldebaran: Tishtrya, deity of rain and fertility; spirit of spring equinox

Regulus: Vanat, spirit of the summer solstice who combats evil

Antares: Satevis, deity associated with autumn equinox

Fomalhaut: Haftorang, deity of cosmic order associated with the winter solstice.

These four are also considered to be archangels:

Aldebaran: Michael

Regulus: Raphael

Anatares: Oriel

Fomalhaut: Gabriel

When using fixed star sigils or summoning star spirits, it is important to specify which spirit you’re talking about. For example, calling on Algol could either get you Lilith or an Egyptian plague demon (Arrow).

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76

The things I’ve heard Arrow-demons say lately.

1). Rasalhague A: [Screw worms] are such vicious larva! I love them!

Of course he would. He’s an Arrow of Khepra who is an insect and has power over insects. Oh, and he loves maggots. He thinks they are “cute babies.”

2). Terebellum: Ebola is such a delightful disease! He he he he he! He he he he he! He he he he! Such fun! He he he! He he he he! Heeeeeeeee!

77

Bast, Queen of Cute

Bast loves cute. She likes to gush over things that are cute. She enjoys snatching up humans who she thinks are cute to be her followers. She thinks the Arrows are just so cute. They are fierce and tear the pantheon’s enemies to shreds, which is so darn cute.

Zosma is such a cute Arrow, such a fierce little dragon. Terrebellum is so cute. “He has a big smile full of sharp teethies! He likes bringing souls to Anubis and finding things that are dead and stinky!” Yes, she really talks like that.

Rasalhague B/Shadow is so cute. Such a soft fluffy hedgehog. He does not want to be called cute, of course. But his cranky demeanor is part of what makes him cute, Bast thinks. The last time he came around, I could feel that Bast wanted to give him a bear hug and scratch his ears and tell him how adorable he is.

And me? Well, she likes to call me cute. My spirit form looks either like a winged man or a black dragon the size of a cat. Why did she give me the dragon form? Because she thinks dragons are cute. “They are cute and fierce like a kitty!” she says.

Yes, mom, but why did you make me a little baby dragon? So that I can use my cuteness as a weapon, she says. No one ever suspects the cute. No one will think the tiny dragon is actually a death and plague demon. This is her idea of being devious.

The other Arrows tell me this is true. In military missions, they would send me to break into places for them. I would do things like walk past guards and no one would stop me because they assume I’m a harmless dragon playing.

Never underestimate the cute, Bast says. Embrace the cute, my little Arrow.

Ok, fine.

78

A past conversation with Rasalhague A, aka “The Black Harbinger of Doom.”

Me: You told me that Apo/phis is one of your enemies. What other enemies do you have?

Rasalhague: The mites!

Me: Mites?

Rasalhague: Yes, the mites! They sneak into our hive and attack the larva!

I don’t know exactly what kind of mites he’s talking about, but I know bees and other insects can suffer from mite infestations.

Rasalhague: And there are lots of animals, including humans, that want to steal our corpse honey! How dare they! It’s OUR food! But, Black Arms are smart, so we came up with a solution, MWA HA HA HA HA!

Me: And that is?

Rasalhague: We mix a toxin in the honey that harms other species but not us!

He then showed me images of the toxin’s effects. It causes severe gastrointestinal symptoms similar to Norovirus.

79

I have had problems with my abusive shit “mother.” I cut out all contact with her 15 years ago, but she’s obsessed with me and does nothing but sit around and stew in hatred and imagine killing me. She’s a malignant narcissist, aka a psychopath + narcissist. This behavior of hers is causing a large amount of problems, since she’s unknowingly sending curses and thoughtforms at me constantly. As fast as I can destroy the thoughtforms, she makes more. I have tried binding spells, cord-cuttings, etc., but they work for two or three days and the problem is back again.

Both Rasalhagues have been working at tearing attached pieces of her out of me, but this is more than they can handle, as she has the serpent A/phophis backing her. If it wasn’t for that, this problem would be easier to take care of.

Today I received a message them Ras. B: summon a demon to permanently destroy her connection to me and block her from remaking cords. I asked which one to call. I saw the name VASSAGO appear in my mind.

I had never heard of this spirit, as I am not familiar with infernal spirits, so I typed his name in Google to check if this really is an actual demon. Yes, it’s a real entity, so I began the ritual. I set up an offering table with water, incense, and cashews and called Vassago. He came, and I have felt him ripping out my “mother” for hours now. I hope this is a permanent solution because I have long had enough of that stupid bitch. Earlier, I had called on Lasya-Glabolas to kill her. I don’t know if she’s dead or not because I am not in contact with her. From what I understand, this whole problem is…very complex and difficult to deal with.

80

Zosma and Terebellum tell me how to be a death spirit

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Above: anime still of Terebellum/Set-qesu as a fictional “shinigami.” Creator did not know actual entities were whispering in her ear.

One of the first things the Arrows wanted to teach me is how to be a death spirit. We watched the the TV series Dead Like Me and they commented on it. If you haven’t seen it, the show is about a human girl who dies and is randomly chosen to be a grim reaper.

The Arrows said that rule #1 really is “Everybody dies.” No exceptions. Like in the show, if you are told to reap someone, you must do it. It is a difficult job, for you must do things like reap children and babies. You have to reap people who are going to die via mvrder or suicide, and you can do nothing to interfere. Just do your job. It takes a special type of person to be a death spirit.

Terebellum said that the humans will try anything with them. They will cry, beg, scream in rage, suck up to them, etc., but you have to take the human’s soul. You are not allowed to strike bargains or make deals. The fictional version of him sometimes acts as the “bad” shinigami, and the point is to teach humans how death does and does not work. He’s not actually “bad” at his job.