A Journal: Conversations with the Stars

[Star-Seeker]

This first happened about 12 years ago, but I can’t be certain of the time. The first Egyptian star god, or Arrow, that I met was Rigel. I saw this being as a man with glowing white skin—white like starlight, not the human skin tone called white. His hair was silky black and down to the middle of his back. He was dressed in a black suit, had black feathered wings, and wielded a sword. I saw that there was a blur where his face should be. It was kind of weird, like he had no face.

I asked him about it. He said, “Mortals aren’t allowed to look upon our faces.”

His energy and demeanor was like a haughty aristocrat’s. He told me that Arrows have the rank of Prince or Princess in the Egyptian pantheon. The gods are Kings and Queens and Ra is King of Kings. Rigel said that he was proud of who he is, a Prince, a child of the gods, a terrifying spirit of death and plague. He wanted me to be proud of who I am, too.

It was hard. I had been raised in the Baptist Fundamentalist church. I had been taught that I was shit and I didn’t deserve to be alive because I am so very filthy and sinful just for the crime of being born a human. I know it’s bullshit, but a childhood of having shame drilled into me is hard to erase.

Plus I had been taught that pride is a sin. Now here is a star, urging me to be proud. I examined my thoughts. I had no problem with other people claiming to be proud of themselves, but it felt wrong for me. Perhaps because my shitty narcissistic “mother” was quick to crush the slightest bit of self-esteem she spotted in me.

Looking back, I’m way better now than the embarrassing crybaby I used to be. I’m stronger, more sure of myself.

Yesterday while browsing the forum, I came across the thread containing the seal of Raziel. I drew it on a scrap of paper and tucked it into my pocket. Instantly I felt it working. I could feel a lot of shit spewing out of me, including a bit of a parasite I thought I had gotten rid of. I feel calmer and my mind is clearer. It’s been 24 hours and the sigil is still kicking shit out.

Rigel came. I noticed that I could hear him better. He scolded me for having a few empty soda bottles in my car. “Disgraceful,” he said. He hates messes. I get to work and he reminds me to stand up straighter and put my shoulders back. I am a child of the gods, too, so I must act like it.

[Star-Seeker]

I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom. I felt some sort of parasitic worm fly into my chest. Its energy felt like hatred. Ew. I looked down at my wrist where I had drawn the seal of Raziel with a black marker. It had faded away.

I grab the black marker and draw the sigil on my upper leg where no one will see it. I feel toxic trash leaving me, including that worm. I notice that most of the trash is gone this morning. Yesterday, when I had first tried the sigil, it ejected a massive amount of shit from my body and some of the shit was physically painful. Throughout the day, I have felt gentle waves of energy pulsing through my body, dissolving away the shit.

***

I want to talk about one of the Arrows spirits in my life, Terebellum.

I am a great lover of music, all sorts of music, and often the spirits will use music to communicate with me. One day I noticed that every time I opened my iHeart Radio playlist, “Don’t Fear the Reaper” would play first. It wouldn’t just play once. No, it would play over and over. This song would play, then another two or three different songs, then “Don’t Fear the Reaper” again. At first I thought iHeart must be doing a terrible job of shuffling songs lately. But then I noticed the song everywhere. One day I got in my car, started it, and “Don’t Fear the Reaper” was playing. Something was trying to talk to me.

I get to work, put in my headphones, and open iHeart. “Don’t Fear the Reaper” plays. I get annoyed because I think that whoever this is is being a troll. I press the skip button. The app plays a song about death; I don’t remember the name of it. Then “Don’t Fear the Reaper.”

“Who is doing this?!” I said angrily.

I hear laughter and then I see this entity who appears as an old man wearing a black robe and holding a scythe. He is tall and muscular and has gray, shaggy, disheveled hair that goes down to his knees. His eyes glow yellow green like a cat’s. His skin is light gray as if he were dead. His fingernails are black and rotten and long like claws.

He smiles at me, a cartoonishly large one like the Cheshire Cat’s. That smile was full of sharp, pointy teeth like a crocodile’s.

I frown. “Who the fuck are you?”

He laughs again. “I’m a Grim Reaper. Anubis’s Reaper. His Arrow.” He grins and laughs again. His laugh is a giggle like Rumpelstiltskin’s from Once Upon a Time.

“What is your name?”

“My star name is Terebellum, but I have other names.”

“Why are you here?”

He told me the reason, which is secret and personal, so I won’t write it here. He also wants to teach me about death.

I will write more on him later.

[Star-Seeker]

Ancient Egypt, like a lot of societies, believed that the stars had the power to influence the world and humanity. They viewed the stars as scary beings who brought death and disease upon mankind. The Arrows are beings that represent this aspect of the stars. The circumpolar stars were viewed as especially dangerous because they don’t appear to descend into the underworld (below the horizon) and “die” for part of the year. I don’t know why they thought this made these stars extra dangerous.

The stars of the northern sky were also especially dangerous and belonged to the chaos god, Set.

The exception to the evil stars was Sirius, or as they called it, Sopdet. This star was believed to be the goddess Isis and its heliacal rising marked the start of the New Year. Sirius currently rises at the beginning of August where I am (Texas). In ancient Egypt, it rose about a month earlier due to the precession of the equinoxes.

It can be hard to find information on the Arrows because the Egyptians were terrified of them and believed that speaking or writing about them would draw their attention and then you would die. Therefore, in Egyptian texts, on the occasion that they are mentioned, they are referred to by a long list of euphemisms, including Executioners, M*rderers, Messengers, Emissaries, Butchers, Slaughterers, Reapers, Wanderers, Watchers, etc. To make it more confusing, those last two names can refer to other types of entities as well.

In The Book of the Dead, there are a group of 42 entities called the 42 Assessors. These are assistant judges that help Anubis judge the dead. Each Assessor judged a different sin, such as theft or polluting the Nile. The Book of the Dead states that the Assessors are the Arrows of Anubis and Osiris.

If the dead are judged unworthy of entering heaven, or The Field of Reeds, their souls are executed, either by Arrows or the monster girl Ammut, which means “Devourer.”

A text called The Book of Caverns describes The Place of Caverns or what some have called “Egyptian Hell.” This is a section of the Duat, or Underworld, that is a prison for the damned. It is described as very cold and dark, a place where the light of Ra never reaches. The prisoners cry out to Ra, but he does not hear them.

This realm is a system of small caves, each cave serving as a prison cell. Arrows torment and kill the damned. They butcher them like cattle and eat them, which erases their soul from existence.

[Star-Seeker]

In astrology, each of the fixed stars has a tarot card and a “planetary nature.”

FIXED STAR TEREBELLUM

Terebellum, aka Omega Sagittarii

Current Position: 25 degrees Capricorn

Tarot Card: The Lovers

Planetary Nature: Venus + Saturn. However, the Egyptian Arrow Terebellum says his planets are actually Venus and Pluto; ancient astrologers didn’t know that Pluto existed and assigned him to Saturn.

“It gives a fortune but with regret and disgrace, cunning, a mercenary nature and repulsiveness.”

from The Fixed Stars & Constellations in Astrology by Vivian Robson.

***

Terebellum told me that his parents are Anubis, judge of the dead, and Nephthys, the goddess of death, rot, and mourning. He says his Egyptian name is Set-qesu, meaning “Bone Breaker.” I’ve noticed that Egyptian deities give their spirits names that sound like the names of metal bands. Set-qesu is listed as one of the 42 Assessors in The Book of the Dead, which says that he judges the sin of stealing food. Set-qesu told me, “I don’t judge that one sin. I judge them all!”

I will certainly say that he is cunning and very sneaky. And repulsiveness? Yes. He told me that humans look their best when they are rotting corpses. The most beautiful corpses, he tells me, are the ones that are very rotten and leaking fluids and filled with writhing maggots. He also told me that dead things don’t stink; they smell great.

I asked him if he thought I would look better as a rotting corpse. “Mmmm…noooooo…”

Uh huh. I really believe that.

Terebellum has his own funeral parlor. He likes to drag home dead, stinky things and embalm them. He excitedly told me about the corpse of a human woman he found in the spirit world. “I took her home, yes, I did! I made her beautiful again! He he he! I embalmed her, yes! I put a new dress on her, combed her hair, brushed her teeth, and did her make-up! I took great care of her, just like Dad (Anubis) would want.”

He loves coffins. He told me that he has rooms and rooms full of coffins he made himself. He likes to sleep in the coffins, sit on them, and just be around them. He thinks “hide in one of my coffins and make Anubis find me” is a fun game to play. He is mischievous and quirky like that.

If he likes you, he will ask if you want one of his coffins. But then, sometimes that is a threat.

[Star-Seeker]

In another thread, people were posting pictures of how spirits appear to them. This image is very similar to how Rigel appears to me.

He says that he is a Reaper, but a *professional* reaper, so he wears a suit. He says that Arrows appear beautiful as a deception. After all, if someone sees the above entity, they will not think “dangerous terrifying death and plague monster.” In my own country, the US, men think “pretty boys” are weak and unmasculine.

However, I have seen them taking on bizarre, terrifying forms. This is the closest thing I could find to Rasalhague A, or Rasalhague the Elder. Just imagine that this being has three glowing red eyes and black tentacles sprouting from his back.

Edit: Like this combined with the above image.

[Star-Seeker]

oops

[Star-Seeker]

The Arrow Terebellum, aka Set-qesu, has had a lot of conversations with me about death.

Ernst Baker said:

The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts the human animal like nothing else; it is a mainspring of human activity designed largely to avoid the fatality of death, to overcome it by denying in some way that it is the final destiny for man.

I have a coworker who is a doomsday prepper. He has come up with various doomsday scenarios such as Russia unleashing a genetically engineered virus upon us and what exactly he will do in said scenario. I’ve told him that you can’t truly prepare for things like that. You can’t predict that a mysterious “they” will do A, you will do B, and then “they” will do C, and you will then do D, and so on. I told him that I prefer to enjoy my life instead of worrying about what could be. Countless things could happen. Aliens could invade us. Nuclear war could break out tomorrow.

I wondered if this behavior was about narcissism—the fantasy that others will die, but I won’t because I’m smarter and better. Terebellum told me this behavior is actually about the fear of one’s own mortality. The human realizes they could die in countless ways and, in a panic, tries to assure himself that he won’t die by hoarding food and guns.

This is a denial that each of us is a mortal, vulnerable creature that can die various ways, just like the animals. Accidents. Disease. Freezing cold and burning heat. Starvation. Drowning. And so on.

Over the summer, there was a news story about a family who became lost in Death Valley after their GPS system misled them. They couldn’t find their way back and died from the heat. My coworkers insisted that these people died because they’re “stupid.”

“Everyone knows you shouldn’t rely on GPS. It’s wrong sometimes,” said one coworker flippantly. Each explained how they wouldn’t die in Death Valley because they “know better.”

I was annoyed that they were making this about themselves and how superior they are. Terebellum said this response is about denial of death. Anyone could have died this way. Anyone can die from heat. Anyone can get lost in the wilderness, with or without a GPS. But humans don’t like to think of this, so they imagine otherwise.

***

I recently read a book about death in the Victorian era. People refused to believe that death was truly the end of the physical body and life as a physical being, so they believed that the dead could come back as a vampire or “revenant.” A revenant is what we today would call a zombie—a reanimated corpse. It’s strange that as recently as back then, people did not believe that dead bodies stayed dead.

[Star-Seeker]

There are a few Arrows who appear as “fictional” non-human characters. The first time I met one of these “fictional” people, I asked, “How are you real?”

The Arrow laughed and told me that a lot of “fictional” characters are actually spirit beings, and how they get in fiction varies case by case. The top two reasons are:

1). The entity whispered into the creator’s ear. Most of the time, the human is not aware that this is happening. Occasionally they do know.

2). The border between this world and other worlds is much thinner than humans know. Other worlds can “bleed through” into this one. Humans with psychic talents can perceive these worlds, but unless they are a trained mage/witch, they do not understand what they are perceiving. They will interpret their experience as “just a dream” or “a burst of creative inspiration.”

The Arrow explained that in his case, it was #1. His enemy, a demonic being, whispered into the writer’s ear. The story line is basically the being’s little Mary Sue fantasy: I am the most powerful thing ever! Everyone wants to fuck me! I can easily defeat gods! I am the best at everything! Oh, and I have a divine enemy who is the WORST PERSON EVER and HE is the bad guy, not me!

The Arrow decided that since his enemy was doing his little whispers, why not do it as well? He could influence the creator’s depiction of his fictional persona to communicate some things he’d like to teach the humans.

Another trio of Arrows is case #2. A father, son, and the son’s wife. I will not say what series they come from because they would prefer that humans not know about them, and they don’t want to bothered by fans, or even be on merchandise.

The son told me that basically everything has a thoughtform/egregore version of itself in this world. There are egregore versions of divine beings, including himself. These are false gods. He is teaching me to distinguish between fan-created thoughtforms of him and his real self. I will post notes later.

By posting this, I do not mean to say that all fiction is “real,” only some of it. Humans possess creativity and can invent stories on their own.

[Star-Seeker]

When I first encountered the being I referred to as the Son in the previous post, I did not believe that he was “real” and did not take him seriously. I thought that he was an egregore hanging around me because I am a fan of his source material.

“I am NOT a thoughtform. I am an Arrow!” he insisted one day.

“What? You are not.”

“Yes, I am!” He crossed his arms. “My name is the English translation of my Egyptian name. Look it up and think on its meaning.”

I already knew the Egyptian word for his name, but what did that have to do with anything? I did a Google search. The word had a second meaning, one that referenced the mythology of the Arrows.

I was shocked. Then the Son told me his star name and that Saturn is one of his ruling planets. I get out my fixed star astrology book and flip to his star name. Yes, it does have Saturn as a ruling planet. I read the next paragraph, a description of the star’s influence. It described this “fictional” character exactly.

“This can’t be real,” I said.

“Of course it’s real. Do you know why you were drawn to my ‘fictional’ self? Because of a memory from your past life. You don’t remember me, not consciously, but your soul does.”

[Star-Seeker]

I need to write this down before I forget.

I don’t remember what time it was last night. I remember being woken up by music blaring from my phone. The fuck? I thought as I unlocked my phone. This was playing.

Lizzo x Queer Eye – Soulmate (Official Lyric Video)

There was no way that just happened. Clearly something wants me to think of myself as a bad bitch. I suspect Sheliak the Arrow. More later. I am getting over the flu.

[Star-Seeker]

Notes on the Arrow Fixed Star Sheliak

SHELIAK aka Beta Lyrae

Current position: 17 degrees Capricorn

Planetary Nature: Venus + Mercury

Tarot Card: The Emperor

“… and one may see among the stars the Lyre, its arms spread apart in heaven, with which in time gone by Orpheus charmed all that his music reached, making his way even to the ghosts of the dead and causing the decrees of hell to yield to his song. Wherefore it has honor in heaven and power to match its origin: then it drew in its train forests and rocks; now it leads the stars after it and makes off with the vast orb of the revolving sky”. [Manilius, Astronomica, 1st century AD, book 1, p.30]

I first saw the Egyptian Sheliak as a gigantic brown bat hanging from the ceiling of my apartment. I see animal spirits all the time and didn’t think anything at first. Then the bat introduced herself as Sheliak, Queen of Thieves. I then saw Sekhmet, the lion goddess of war and plague. Sekhmet told me that Sheliak is her bat Arrow. Well, hers and Hathor’s.

“Why is she a bat?” I asked.

“Because bats are excellent disease vectors. Some of the most terrifying diseases that have haunted mankind come from bats, such as rabies and Ebola.”

Sheliak dropped from the ceiling and landed on the floor. She shapeshifted into a humanoid bat creature—a very curvy, voluptuous one. “I’m not just any bat. I’m a vampire bat,” she said in a sultry voice.

A vampire bat. Of course. Sekhmet, Lady of Bloodshed, has a vampire bat Arrow. I am not surprised.

I noticed that Sheliak had really strong sexual energy. Sekhmet tells me this is a thing with Hathor’s Arrows. Hathor, after all, is a goddess of beauty and female sexuality. Sheliak smirked and told me that she enjoys her hourglass-shaped body. My husband does too, she says. He loves all the things I can do to ~his~ body.

Okay, Sheliak, I didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, come on,” she said. “We’re both adults here.”

We talked for some time. Sheliak told me that she is a military strategist for the Egyptian pantheon, and she is skilled in espionage. As the Queen of Thieves, there is nothing that she can’t break into or hack. She is THE best at what she does, she said proudly.

I will type more later. I am still getting over the flu. I will say that Sheliak is one of the most interesting and unique entities I’ve ever met.

[Star-Seeker]

In ancient Egypt, the first appearance of the sacred star Sirius, or as they called it, Sopdet, marked the new year. Sirius rises around August 1 currently, but it did so about a month earlier in ancient times due to the precession of the equinoxes.

The five days before the new year were called the “demon days.” These days were considered a time outside of time when things not normally possible could become possible.

The demon days marked the birthdays of five gods: Heru-wer, Osiris, Set, Isis/Aset, and Nephthys.

These days were also when the Arrows were at the height of their power, for the demon days arrived just before malaria season started. Egyptians would beg Sekhmet, the goddess of war and plagues, not to let the Arrows kill them with malaria. They made amulets that allegedly deterred Arrows. I have yet to find a description of these amulets. I wonder how well they worked.

After the Covid epidemic, my guess is not at all. Religious people here did all kinds of prayers and things to avoid Covid, and nothing worked. I remember driving by a Baptist church with a sign saying, “Jesus is the only vaccine you need.”

One thing the Arrows have taught me is that the forces of Death and Disease do not care. They do their thing, taking anyone at any time. They do not care about your religion, which party you vote for, how much money you have, etc. They do not care that you just had a baby or that you are a baby. Modern Westerners have forgotten this.

During the worst of Covid, I suddenly felt the urge to open my copy of The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe. The book opened on the last page of “The Masque of the Red Death,” the scene in which Prince Prospero and his rich friends suddenly realize that Red Death is standing among them.

If you’re unfamiliar with this story, it details a fictional plague called the Red Death. When the plague breaks out, Prince Prospero and his buddies seal themselves inside his castle; they plan to party until Red Death finishes killing the peasants and then step out, unharmed. During their little costume party, they notice a person dressed as a plague victim in a blood-stained shroud. The partiers grow outraged, thinking someone is fucking with them. One of the party-goers tries to tear off the costume only to realize that it’s not a costume. Death itself is among them. They fall to the ground and die. THE END.

I knew what they were trying to tell me. They knew that wealthy, powerful individuals were behaving like Prince Prospero, but like him, they would find out that Death and Plague do not care about their money. Spirits of death and disease such as themselves are the ultimate egalitarians—all are equal in the eyes, no exceptions. In the end, all meet the same fate—to be struck down by their scythes and rot in the ground.

And on a tangent, a song by my favorite band, Ghost, in which the Grim Reaper sings a lullaby to a young fair maiden. The Arrows could have written the lyrics themselves. There is the line “I ride behind you on a pale white horse.” The Egyptians used the word “shuyet” meaning “shadow” as a euphemism for death and spirits of death, for death is always following behind like a shadow, ready to strike at any moment.

Ghost - Witch image lyrics - YouTube

[Star-Seeker]

I’d like to mention one of the most helpful academic papers I have found about the Arrows: Illness as Divine Punishment: The Nature and Function of Disease-Carrier Demons in the Ancient Egyptian Magical Texts by Rita Lucarelli

Note:
Egyptologists use the word “demon” to mean spirit.

A couple of quotes from this paper:

”The main difference between demon and deity in ancient Egypt is that,
generally speaking, demons received no cult, at least not until the late New
Kingdom.2 Within the hierarchy of supernatural beings, demons are subordi-
nated to the gods;

[…]

However, as they often act as emissaries of deities
and are subject to their will, we may deduce that demons are a creation of the
gods and act as their messengers.”

“The decan-
stars, for example, are often personified in later texts as malevolent demons,
which could bring pestilence and illness on earth, especially during some cru-
cial periods of the year such as the epagomenal days, namely the last five days
of the lunar calendar.”

[Star-Seeker]

How to call an Arrow

I will say first that the Egyptian pantheon values respect and humility. Things will not go well if you’re a thrill-seeker or a larper.

First, do your usual preparations for cleansing and preparing your ritual space. I will use Terebellum/Set-qesu as an example.

Light a stick of incense or a candle. An unused candle that you specifically dedicate to ritual purposes is ideal. On an altar—the altar could be a TV tray or the top of your dresser—place your offerings, including the incense/candle.

Traditional offerings in Egypt are cool water or beer, plus food. Most kinds of food will work—bread, fruits, etc. Don’t give unhealthy junk such as chips and soda.

Forbidden offerings are blood and other bodily fluids. This is considered “unclean.”

Now, pour a libation of water/beer for the gatekeeper god Anubis. Ask him to open the way.

Pour the remaining liquid into your offering cup. Call on Lord Terebellum, Prince Set-qesu, son of Anubis. Sit quietly in meditation. Listen. (Alternatively, ask Anubis if he will send an Arrow teacher.)

When you are done, thank Anubis and Set-qesu. In Egyptian ritual, edible offerings must be consumed as a “communion.”

Do your usual ritual of closing and clearing the ritual space.

[Star-Seeker]

I am getting to know the Arrow/Star Goddess Sheliak. There is very little information on the astrological aspects of this star. All I’ve found is “inclination toward theft” and “siren call.”

Sheliak appears to me as a humanoid vampire bat with an hourglass figure. All of the stars of the Lyra constellation are associated with theft, but she says she is THE star of thieves. She is the goddess of thieves and vampires. I got her attributes out of her.

*Navigating the darkness.

*Seeing the unseen. This allows her to detect lies, traps, and deceptions; it also enables her to uncover secrets.

*Stealth.

*Espionage.

*Fertility, motherhood.

*Female eroticism, seduction, and sexual prowess.

*Love of luxury and luxury goods.

*Extremely clever, devious even. Criminal genius.

*Bloodthirst; viciousness

As I said before, she is one of the most unique and interesting entities I’ve met. I think one of the reasons she is here is to challenge my idea of what a divine being is. I was raised Christian, so it was drilled into my skull that God is love and light and nonviolence and turning the other cheek. That is Jesus, but not all gods are like that. The idea of a Goddess of Thieves and Vampires makes me think. Actually, the Arrows/star gods in general challenge me. For example, Lesath is associated with female murderers.

I know that deities of things like thieves (ex., Hermes) and murderers (Hecate) exist, but something in my brain doesn’t want me to think about it. I know it’s very silly, naive, and childish. I also know it’s the Christian programming that tells me to associate divinity with only good and pleasant things. Logically I know these things, but the feeling is different. It’s complicated.

[Star-Seeker]

Just a quick note today. I was drifting off to sleep and saw a vision of a sigil. I memorized the sigil and looked it up today. It’s a real sigil, the sigil for fixed star Procyon.

Procyon - Astrodienst Astrowiki

I said, “Okay, Procyon, what do you want?”

I saw a vision of an anthropomorphic fox for a second and that was it.

[Star-Seeker]

As I’ve said before, there are a few Arrows who disguise themselves as “fictional” characters. I asked the Egyptian gods why they’re doing this.

“These [fictional characters] are modern forms for modern humans.” I was told that in ancient times, if a spirit wanted to reveal itself to humans, they could, for example, show themselves to a priest and say, “I am an Arrow of Sekhmet and my name is Sheliak.” The priest would write this down and convey it to the people; they’d go with it and add Sheliak to their mythology.

The modern world doesn’t work like this. The best way to introduce yourself to humans and teach them is by inserting yourself into a work of fiction. They won’t believe the spirit is real. They’ll even create fandom egregores of the spirit. But the spirit, in a way, made itself known and established itself in this world.

I know that in the case of the Arrows, their fictional selves are also forms that modern humans would be comfortable with. For example, there is an Arrow of Bast who appears in fiction as a cute anime cat person. Humans are okay with that cute animal. They would not be okay with a fire-breathing cat who feasts on the flesh of her enemies and drinks their blood. They’d call her evil and monstrous, even though she only does this to the evil things.

I’m not going to reveal who the anime cat is. I already feel extremely silly typing this.