A Gift from Sovar [The Path of Smoke]

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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I really didn’t feel like doing much today. Definitely felt a little lazy today. Thanks, @kiss-lamia-lilith for sicking the vicious pack of sealions on me to get me moving. hehe

Today, I worked with the Div Sovar.

Here’s the order I performed things in today:

  1. Awakening DoMar and DeHak
  2. Draconic Qigong
  3. The Seven Asanas (Becoming the Black Sun, Part 1)
  4. Emanating the Rays of the Black Sun
  5. The Seven Asanas (Becoming the Black Sun, Part 2)

After I united my Inner Darkness with the Outer Darkness during the final stage of “Emanating the Rays of the Black Sun”, I briefly spoke with Sovar.

It just felt like the right time to do it.

He appeared before me in my imagination, but I can’t remember the first shape he took. He told me his form was unimportant and I would recognize him in any form, even if it was just a cloud of black smoke. And then he shape shifted into the pillar of black smoke. That’s the only way I can remember him now. Interesting.

He gave taught me a specific phrase of Dark Staot to use, syllable by syllable. He called it “The Staot of Power” and I could feel the power rise within me as I chanted it and sang it.

And yes, I mean sang it.

I am not a gifted singer by any stretch of the imagination, but I just started singing the Dark Staot as it flowed through me today while speaking with Sovar.

The rhythm and lilting tones took on a very Arabic or Egyptian quality. And the power flowed very nicely through me while I was singing it.

I honored Sovar as a part of Ahriman and a part of myself.

He offered me praise at one point, something I would have enjoyed in the past. But today I simply said “I do need your praise.”

There was no negative emotion to the words. I just stated a simple fact that I didn’t need it. And I don’t.

His reply was simple … “And so you don’t.”

That was a big moment for me. I’ve often sought the praise of others in the past, from the harsh love of my mother, to the women in my life, to my career. I’ve heard myself ask, again and again, “are you proud of me?” And I hated the taste of those words every time I heard them spill from my lips.

Well, today I provide my own answer to those words. Tears roll down my face even as I type this. I speak these words to myself … “Yes, I am proud of you. And you no longer need the approval of any others. You are free of this limitation. You are free.”

And so I am.

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While I was going through the Seven Asanas in reverse as the final part of “Becoming the Black Sun” to ground the essence of Sovar into my body and my life, I had a very strange experience.

While performing the prone version of the Goddess pose … and no, that is not a picture of me …

Sovar appeared between my legs as a beautiful veiled Arabian woman, much like you would think of a sultry belly dancer, dressed in the black gauzy outfit they might wear when performing.

As I relaxed and watched him in my imagination, he turned into black smoke and entered me through my perineum (root chakra) and flowed up through me, filling me with the black smoke of his essence.

I could feel a certain power infusing my vocal chords and sang a bit of the Dark Staot. The power within me awakened and responded.

A very interesting experience. I’m curious to see if my words will have more power to them now. And if it just singing the Dark Staot will allow me to raise significant amounts of power.

Time will tell.

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@valkarath Yeah that’s the spirit you effing spear those self-sabotaging behaviour patterns to shit! you don’t need that shit anymore! :smiley:

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@kiss-lamia-lilith …
Thanks, my friend.

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I like your outfit. Very “path of smoke”. … kidding I know it isn’t you.

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@Rahnoren …
Ah, but in a way it is, isn’t it? :wink:

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A friend sent me a PM asking me if I was glad I got to kick that self-sabotaging behavior in the ass. And you’d think I’d feel like “Fuck yeah!!!”, but that isn’t what I felt at all.

The truth is I was very raw emotionally. I felt a dark sense of despair welling up with in me.

So I got up, put on some “belly dance music”, and fixed something to eat.

As I danced around a bit, I started to realize this feeling that I’d labeled “despair” in the past was really a feeling of emptiness.

It wasn’t really despair I felt, though many people would describe it that way.

I felt lighter, like I’d shed another limitation, like I"d let a heavy weight fall from my shoulders.

I felt empty, hollowed out.

And I accepted that and honored that.

It is just a feeling. And it’s ok to feel whatever it is I feel.

I choose to see it not as despair, but as the full glass of water being poured out so it can contain something else.

I am Becoming.

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@valkarath Yeah i was like that at the begining of shadow work and empathic release work. You feel lost, unsure of what to do with yourself a bit hollow and empty because you just lifted this huge burden and limitation of your shoulders. Don’t forget though that hollow, empty feeling will be replaced by a much more positive aspect you can now fill yourself with, because you removed that burden from yourself.

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It is what it is. I am not a slave to my emotional states. I am learning to control them, to master them.

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