I suffer from a couple ailments (degenerative disc disorder, epilepsy), and have four psychiatric disorders. Needless to say, jobs have and housing as well - a revolving door for me.
Add to this I spent my life trying to be in I.T., studied Computer Science, burned myself out in my Junior year, went on to work for fifteen years in the field, only to now be shunned. Since then its been minimum wage and a few bouts of homelessness.
Luckily I have a job atm, but have had several complaints against my performance.
Luckily I have a place, but owe 4k in back rent due to covid and minimum wage.
So, as you can see, I was entirely frustrated, particularly two psychotic breaks in one year added to all this.
Ive lost friends and family to suicide, cancer and other lovely things.
I was raised in a Baptist house, and tried to be a good Christian for several years - until person after person treated me horribly, leaving me with a wtf state and a fear of death and hell if I retaliate.
Now I am on the Celtic path, still trying core shamanism, and elemental magic.
I really dont know what else to say at this point, my fit was due to frustration of trying to reach spirits much like the chistian god, only to have to go through others despite trying to meditate, trying to hear and see spirits I thought of getting an etch a sketch.
So that is all where my frustration lied, being a joke of the town at that.
So, my sincere apologies to all affected. You are all great magicians and will be. As for me, time can only tell.
Thank you man! Look we want to help you if possible. Try and remember that we aren’t your enemy and that the spirits hear you even if you can’t hear them welcome back and I look forward to seeing you progress!
Jastiv, I think you should jump on there now as well as others … cant hurt to be on two forums after all, checked alt.magick and besides David, that forum appears to be deadish.
Kronus on there is about to release a 300 page book on the infernal Gods. I would get on there and talk with him to learn some good info. He knows his shit.
Thanks all, I truly regretted leaving BALG, lol, even kept trying to log back in within the past month.
I have kept a daily journal, whether or not I did any work in the given day. Will start transcribing/porting my paper notebooks into my journals here.