I suffer from a couple ailments (degenerative disc disorder, epilepsy), and have four psychiatric disorders. Needless to say, jobs have and housing as well - a revolving door for me.
Add to this I spent my life trying to be in I.T., studied Computer Science, burned myself out in my Junior year, went on to work for fifteen years in the field, only to now be shunned. Since then its been minimum wage and a few bouts of homelessness.
Luckily I have a job atm, but have had several complaints against my performance.
Luckily I have a place, but owe 4k in back rent due to covid and minimum wage.
So, as you can see, I was entirely frustrated, particularly two psychotic breaks in one year added to all this.
Ive lost friends and family to suicide, cancer and other lovely things.
I was raised in a Baptist house, and tried to be a good Christian for several years - until person after person treated me horribly, leaving me with a wtf state and a fear of death and hell if I retaliate.
Now I am on the Celtic path, still trying core shamanism, and elemental magic.
I really dont know what else to say at this point, my fit was due to frustration of trying to reach spirits much like the chistian god, only to have to go through others despite trying to meditate, trying to hear and see spirits I thought of getting an etch a sketch.
So that is all where my frustration lied, being a joke of the town at that.
So, my sincere apologies to all affected. You are all great magicians and will be. As for me, time can only tell.