Okay ma’am, please tone down the abuse and moralising and general drama starting NOW: I do not care what you believe, and preaching morality and dogma on here as you have is completely against the forum’s rules, which I encourage you to read: BALG RULES - Please read them!
I see you have more or less spammed this forum since you joined with moralising posts, and have now glommed into ME as a target for your issues, please cease and desist, it’s against the forum rules and will not make you any happier.
I am going to put a 24 hour restriction on your posting so you don’t run into any problems while you’re evidently upset, we’ve all been there, and I will also PM you some tutorials you can use to seek closure on the losses and pain you suffered, after that if you want to talk about how to get out of your powerless state and start to learn magick (instead of trying to dictate to others) then you will be welcome to post about your questions and experience.
I’m also going to tidy all your stuff on this into one location, and then Unlist it. If you want to come back and make a fresh start tomorrow once the restriction lifts, that’s great. 