Why has my life been so difficult?

General Discussion
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I understand adversity is part of this path. I understand that this is the path to serious conscious evolution. But sometimes it’s hard to see where this is all going if it even is going somewhere.

Most of my life I have had it much more difficult then others. I came to magick thinking it would get better. It has but it also hasn’t. Let me explain.

It has bettered my perspective on life immensely. Far greater than what any normal human will ever achieve in this life. I no longer suffer mentally. When things don’t go my way I just look at them neutrally anymore. You could say I reached “enlightenment” although I think that sounds too pretentious.

But when it comes to desires I don’t really have anything I want manifested. I’ve been practicing magic about 2 1/2 years. I have not really had any changes in regards to the amount of pleasure or happiness increased as a whole for any portion of these times compared to 2 1/2 years ago. Yes I’ve had moments where I had things I wanted manifest but it’s nothing really extreme, and I’d say it’s marginally better but compared to anyone else I live an average life. I’ve done countless rituals and spells for things like money, love, success, whatever. I evoke these spirits, I communicate with them and see them, but nothings really worked. Maybe a little change but nothing crazy. I thought that this was because I was being taught things and once my perspective on life evolved enough I would start getting things I wanted, because I was ready to have them but apparently not. I don’t really see a point in this. Am I missing something? Am I supposed to learn more lessons? Why do all these black magicians seem to get many things they want while I’m stuck in a permanent rut of disappointment?

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If your techniques aren’t working then you need to change how you’re approaching the problem. Start by asking the spirits you’re evoking why exactly they’re failing. Maybe you’re giving them the wrong tasks. Maybe what you’re asking is beyond their power and you need to either refine your desires or find new methods. It sounds like your primarily using spirit evocation, you might try experimenting with chaos magic, or thoughtforms, or energy work and see if you get different results.

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yes, working with spirits is quite tricky

I find myself in the same situation as you

I can see subtle changes since walking this path, but nothing too drastic

those who say they got extremely rich just by petitioning spirits (even by activating their seals with blood or signing they names in blood) are either very lucky or they are lying just to be accepted in this community

EA Koetting is not a rich guy, even though he is the modern day Crowley and the godfather of BALG… he still works his ass off, writing and selling books, keeping this community up and running, advertising and so on

wanna know when I really felt that my spells worked?.. when I did hoodoo chaos magick type or jar spells using “magical kitchen cooking ingredients” :joy:, my own will, energy and intent and not by using blood, sigils or petitioning spirits or demons

in order to succeed in magick, you really need to have a good vibe, strong visualization skills, to proper control, use and redirect your emotions, to easily let go and say fuck it - it’s done and most important, to believe in yourself and your work - some people are just good in this matter, some are not

in the end it all comes down to you

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If life handed you everything you wanted immediately on a silver platter, you’d be immeasurably bored.

Pleasure and happiness are not sustainable, just as grief and fear and rage are not. No one can exist in heightened emotional states indefinitely.

Since you’ve been practising a while, I imagine you know that it can take years for some things to come to fruition.

My question: do you find joy in magick itself?

A hard question to answer. Again, no emotional state is permanent. There is no such thing as eternal happiness. Overall contentment, yes, but it seems an oversimplification to think magic (or its results) can make you happy indefinitely.

Are you missing something…? Only you can really answer that. Again, do you find joy in magick itself? That may be what is missing. I have plenty of successes under my belt but I still strive for more, and I am certainly not existing in a constant state of joy.

How dependent are you on “external” entities and spirits? It might be time to turn within and recognise yourself as the operant power.

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I think this might actually be the crux of your issue and where you might be blocking yourself.

One of the more recent things I’ve learned is about the lust for things I want. (A joint lesson of Asmodeus and Mammon I’d say…)

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I don’t know if this will be helpful, but here is my take. Besides doing magic, what else are you doing to better your life? One of the things I’ve seen here many times is that you need to make an effort to go along with the changes you want. From what you have written, it sounds like you have done rituals and then sat back waiting for the results. Also, comparing yourself to others and complaining is probably why you are stuck in a rut of disappointment. Focus on yourself. If you aren’t getting results, then work harder. Yep, since you have had such a difficult life, that sucks, but it can take a long time to get to where you need to be.

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EA himself said somewhere that some of the old folk magick outperforms most elaborate spells most people are into, so that sounds just about right!

I’d actually like to learn more about that type of magick, since I don’t see much about it — here or anywhere.

I can vouch for direct mind magick, though, and self-programming. That DEFINITELY works, hands down. John_R and Mulberry often allude to this when they talk about the works of Robert Bruce.

I took a different path, one started by my grandmother when I was young (she always had me do “weird” stuff when I was too young to protest — heal her and her friends, tell her winning lotto numbers etc lol) and then getting into meditation and hypnosis in the style of Dick Sutphen and Richard Bandler.

I have NO idea where to get it now, but Dick Sutphen used to have a program called “The Millionaire Mindset” and that totally changed my life. He died, and it doesn’t seem to be available anymore. There’s free wealth programmings on YouTube, though, from Elmer Locker and Brian Scott that are similar enough…but not quite as comprehensive as what I remember from Dick.

Also read a little Jose Silva, and bought 25 cent library books from this amazing author called Jesse Stern. Read a bit of the Seth material, even though it’s author, Jane Roberts, was almost always pictured in a way that was frightening to a child.

I grew up so damn poor, so under the poverty line, that when I was telling my wife about the highlights of growing up… I’d mention that I loved the time I visited a cousin and he gave me two Uniball pens. Only a few years ago did I realize that other people didn’t see this story the same way I did! To them, my happy day meant I was in dire straights as a child. You know what? They were right!

It then changed rapidly after I was out of the house for awhile, and kept using self-programming to change circumstances. In fact, after a recent tragedy, I’m returning to it now as my cornerstone. Then I’ll use ritual as spice and accoutrement.

Self work DEFINITELY works, period. Reality shifts and changes around you as you change. That much is definitely true.

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I almost quit cause I was in your same mindset. Now of course I still am a little. Moderately big results but nothing unnaturally huge (other then two successful death curses that’s not subtle at all​:skull::sob:)

Try and change up your routine maybe a bit? Letting go was my issue though.

Either way if you’re like me you’ll eventually grow out of that mindset probably. Not completely maybe. But for the most part. You’ll be alright I’m sure plenty of people out there have been doing magick far less then you have and quit. Everyday is a chance to make progress and you said you already seen some results!. Good luck and don’t give up.

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This blows me away.

I VERY occasionally have “sight”, but mostly I am blind to spirit these days. (Had sight far more as a child) Mostly I only have feelings. Sometimes clairaudience.

To get more, I usually have to either meditate for many hours, sleep uncomfortably so I keep waking up during sleep, or use something like mushrooms.

I figured if someone had full or good vision into the normally unseen planes, like you, they’d command the world.

So I’m sort of shocked to hear you say this!

I’d actually like to hear about more about this, if that’s ok. Exactly how clearly do you see entities? You talk with them fully, like you would a friend?

If so, what then when you make requests? Do you actually see and hear them promise to fulfill your requests, then nothing happens?

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I only communicate with them when I’m in ritual. I ask them questions out loud and they respond to me and I “hear” them. When I mean I hear them it’s like a voice in my head but different. At first when I started this I thought it was just my thoughts but then I realized that it is them speaking to me. Eventually it became clearer to the point where it sounds like a real person that is almost talking to me.

I’m regards to sight I see them very clearly. But not with my normal eyes. If you imagine what an apple looks like in your head and then open your eyes and try to imagine that apple in front of you that is your third eye. I see them in this way. I sort of imagine a body in front of me and then they fill in the rest of the details. It’s hard to explain. Most people try to see the spirits. You’re not gonna get anywhere with that. You have to see them in the way you’d imagine something in front of you. Then you will see them.

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Also I do ask them for things and they do promise to fulfill certain ones. If I ask for a million dollars they would say that it’s not gonna happen. If I ask for them to help me understand how to make more money then they probably would. It depends. I found asking a spirit for general wisdom and knowledge will always work. Especially anything philosophy related. But asking for wisdom had proved to be a huge value. Although sometimes I wonder if asking for wisdom encourages chaos in my life for them to teach me things. Who knows

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Please correct me if i am wrong but you start saying that you dont want to manifest anything more and that you are satisfied but then you end your post saying you want to achieve great things.

This mindset contradicts itself.
If you want something greater then you need to state it and work gradually towards the goal.
Improvement is an ongoing process. And sometimes you need to build up on the results.

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