A lot has changed with me last time I was here. I was recording hymns for Asmoday, Belial, Paimon, Bael, and then everything went chaotic. I took down the songs from the Internet and have lost the files which I regret greatly. I will work towards re-recording them in the future if I have the energy and strength to do so, It’s a lot of hard work. However, during this time my mental health declined out of nowhere, and was absent for quite some time. I have truly been to hell and back, and even now I am still dealing with the curse of my insanity. Just out of curiosity, I was working with Archangel’s sigils aswell at the time, do you believe they conflict with their demon counterpart? Anything to do with my breakdown? I’m not sure.
When I was in hospital, I was convinced It was a bad aboriginal spirit within me, but I am not sure now obviously. I’ve dealt with some chaotic magick as I worship Pazuzu dearly and am very loyal to his statue. I think you may have to be a little crazy from the get go to deal with such spirits and chaos magick. There may be a massive price you pay sometimes, for what you want… can come at a very heavy cost. (For I have seen his spirit, and his red eyes in shadow upon walls, and even possessed freely which was an amazing experience.) In some sense, I got what I wanted from the occult, belief! But where do I go from here?
At the moment, my altar is not quite ideal. I find myself at the crossroads a little. I have statues of Michael and Raphael, along with cherubs and so forth. But I obviously don’t find myself a christian in the sense. The only demonic item I have left is Ronove’s sigil, with my blood powered through it.
Since I’ve came out of hospital, I’ve had dreams of the future which now those events have already happened, and I had another fight with a dear friend. I woke up today, with sounds of someone cooking in the kitchen, it felt like it was my grandma or my mum who aren’t obviously in the house and they told me to get up in which I didn’t. But as soon as I heard ‘Sup’ in my ear, I was alerted and knew something was connecting with me. It could be Ronove, as his sigil is here, and is a day spirit, but who knows? Or a spirit conjuring the dead?