Where I've been

So, I’ve been off for a bit. I’ve had to deal with some school related issues came about. Luckily I was victorious in the end.

As to what it was, let’s just say that what I was trying to avoid happened. To recap, I was in a community college with lots of teens. The campus is small, so you see the same people over and over again. I tried to avoid the teens and keep my distance because I didn’t know what would set them off.

Though, this one girl accused me of following her. I’ve seen her around and would say she looks like anything and everything bothers her. I never saw her laugh or smile. She’s always looking upset. I’ve never actually spoke to her, but with how small the campus is, I see her constantly. In fact, there’s only one place students can be if they’re not in class; the caf. So, it’s hard to NOT be around someone.

I was contacted by a faculty member who told me about the accusation. She said some other things that all turned to be lies after an investigation. I was then told I’m now welcomed back on campus. I basically told them I wasn’t returning. I do not feel safe, accepted, or protected. Granted it was very harsh. I also had some harsh things to say to my therapist who essentially assumed my guilt and even misrepresented me in the investigation. Luckily I have journal entries that share my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Plus, my writing teacher and I are very close.

For a while I’ve talked about my difficulty with women. Well this is why. They can accuse you of something, and it’ll initially be believed. I was lucky to be proven innocent. I’m not saying all women are spiteful or manipulative. True, some are, and you won’t know at first glance. But I don’t think this always happens out of meanness or spite. Idk what went through this girl’s mind. Like I said, she’s always appeared upset. Maybe she deals with things that I’ll never understand; things that are internal, so she lashes out externally. Perhaps out of paranoia. But whether it was spite or anxiety, the fact is her actions were harmful towards me. I do feel traumatized. And frankly, the last thing I want is another reason to distrust the female gender, or to feel like they distrust me. Which is the overall feeling.

I did try and curse the woman who handled the accusation. There were just too many red flags with her. She told various lies and made various attempts to gaslight me and my family. I decided to assert my rights to review the information. That’s how I knew she was lying. So, I attempted to curse her so that her subordinates would disobey her, and create office conflict. I’m not sure if that’s what did it, but I was victorious in the end. Though I’m not sure if anything will ever change.

I really just wanna disappear to the other world for a bit. Cuz fuck this one.

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