A life changing experience had throttled my world three years to the day this coming May 17th, to whom I’ve only shared with a few people. That event and subsequent experience created the momentum and need to reach out to the current of LHP; to learn, know, question, seek and understand. If I may share with the community this detailed endeavor and request all views, opinions, perspectives, theories and beliefs to be provided; if there are those who feel complied to communicate said above mentioned. I must disclose that there is hesitation from me to share, for reason of rejection, judgment and overall confidence issues. But having disclosed this, am not going to allow that to be a hindrance. Now, I need your help to discern on what really happened?
A question to be kept in the back of ones mind, while the journey is read in the details below. Did the spirits of death help to guide and prepare him, through me, on his journey to crossing over; if not then what could it have been?
Taken from the ‘about me’ section of my profile:
[. . .] After a tragedy in the family had split what I thought was a tight unit. There was a point of wandering I had experienced [. . .] Thought drastic measures constituted an irrational thought [. . .] to make a pact with a demon, having no prior knowledge or training; still in the mindset of dualism [. . .] I stopped and questioned my actions. That brought me to research something specific, that created a chain of research [. . .].
Above is a summary of the last three years. As to not overwhelm readers with too much information, I will do my best to provide what is relevant. So, chronological order may be most effective. But before the tragedy is explained, allow me to bring to your attention the week leading to it.
May 9th 2016
The end of the month after my first 30mile bike ride. I was attempting to train for competitive cycling, encouraged by my father to give it a try. After he had gifted me a bike, it came naturally. He was a 50 year old nature photographer, recently gotten into mountain biking and a retired Chaos magician; amongst many other things. I always tried to get him to tell me his experience and he would say politely ‘they are my experiences to know’.
This allows a quick backstory to help aid in the explanation of what really happened. Dad was raised Roman Catholic but his parents were very open to other forms of belief. His mother was also a practicing witch. Dad found out that our lineage originated in Salem; he sought out and discovered that some of our ancestors were unfortunately victims of the witch trails. So, you can imagine that my childhood was open to it all. Having some natural abilities frightened me as a child and thus became scared to explore them, so left them alone. Dad would encourage the opposite. Never shared great detail in his own experiences but never hindered on to experience their own.
The one thing we both shared, was nature. Both seeing signs, learning to listen to the life and movement around us. Letting instinct combine with daily life and witnessing the most incredible things. Naturally, this will compel one to ‘do’ things or feel a need to do certain things, if one is open to the fluidity of natures communication; in my opinion.
May 10th, 2016
Que the end of the week, Mothers Day, the compulsion to buy certain floral potted plants was undeniable; so I did exactly that. Filled the apartment with very fragment and bright plants. Placing them in very specific points, never really questioning why, just doing. It felt as though there was a guidance that found itself within my mind. Remember, I was not practicing any forms of magic but was extremely spiritual, believing solely in instinct and the validation from nature. Spent the entire week making the apartment ‘right’.
The urge to stay physically fit, practice Ashtanga Yoga, mediate on a regular basis, keep the apartment as clean as possible; had become a slight obsession. I had stopped all physical pleasures (sex, alcohol, junk food) and was most comfortable in complete silence, contemplating all that had come to be in life. When Dad called during this week of heightened overall cleanliness, he asked what exactly was my goal. The best answer ‘to become a modern day monk in a belief of my own design’. He replied with a chuckle ‘good luck babe’.
May 15th, 2016
Came to see Dad and Mom for Mother’s Day. Had planted floral bulbs as a gift to Mom and researched the meanings for all the other flowers. They all had dual meanings, love and funerals. Mom focused on the funerary potion of the meanings. I hadn’t taken special notice and neither did Dad, we both thought they were nice and that was that. Mom strongly disagreed but couldn’t place her finger on the specifics.
Though that thought was looming, we three had such a great day together. It’s interesting how it happened, because Dad had just called leaving a voicemail regarding their availability that day. Saying Tuesday or Wednesday might be better. While listing to the voicemail, something within said ‘go, go now’. So I did and arrived just as they had come home from a trail ride. Mom said there was a moment were Dad and I were in a deep conversation. I had said something that had changed his demeanor, not in a negative way, more like a realization. I don’t remember what was said but apparently Mom’s concerns regarding funerals grew, still unable to pinpoint the ‘who’.
May 16th, 2016
The day before was a gift to all of us, for Dad died peacefully in his sleep around 2pm. His sudden death was a shock, but there was this eerie sensation that we knew and prepared for such a thing; just didn’t occur to anyone that it would be him.
May 17th, 2016
His burial was quick, as he said he hoped it would in past conversations.
A few weeks after we buried him, a close family member explained that they felt they were being psychically attacked and requested ‘do something about it’. I asked this family member why they were asking me and they replied ‘because it’s in your blood’. Later I found out Dad wasn’t as retired as first thought, he protected the entire family with Chaos magick. This reminded me of something Dad would consistently say when I asked of all things other worldly. He would say when in doubt listen to your instincts, you need not worry for it is in your blood. This was the beginning to the doors opening and the start of my personal magical path. Dad always being in the forefront as a guide.