First off I must admit, somewhat shamefully, that EA’s latest video, posted to his YouTube, somewhat offended me. I mean that strangely in a good way. It was the constructive type of offended that struck me on a personal level and forced me to relate to and realize in myself the not so desirable qualities hinted at. My own fear of REALLY trying to find my own power because well hey what if it actually worked, and someone like me really could shape her own reality. Then I’d need to really understand that I did it, and all my myself and for myself. I realized on and for all just how badly stuck I am in this endless need to accept that I am only a victim of something, of someone else’s actions, of circumstances. I even need to laugh slight at this little mess here that my mind has made, because really I have come to accept in life that I am the victim of victim mentality itself and that it in itself is one more thing I cannot change and should just live with accepting my ‘place.’
Perhaps I should even feel a degree of shame and annoyance at the fact that more than one councilor throughout my life over at least a couple decades has actually given up on me, and my case. The thing is, I am not doing it on purpose. Many I suppose think of it only as a pile of excuses to avoid taking the responsibility, but I can’t help the way I think. I’m no longer sure the answer lies in a councilor’s office or the pages of some best selling self help book. I always realize that one sure way to fail in any magical path at all, left or right handed, but reasonably more soe for left, is to see yourself as a victim. A victim is quite the opposite of a living God, and that’s where I have my sights set. I understand that I will only hold myself back, only assure my own failures only to see that I stay in the be place I know well where to be.
So I am left to question now, what next? How does one actually not be the victim to life? How does one not feel helpless? I know we can all fake it and act like we are Gods instead of victims. I can fake it as well as anyone in the position of needing to, but I don;t want to just pretend I don’t think that way. I want to not think it. There have been people throughout my life who have given answers to this sort of thing before, but it seems it always involves things like " well just change your thinking?" Or “stop putting yourself in situations of ending up a victim in the first place.” Obvious this is just unhelpful as sure some here might just relate to.