Vampyrism makes me feel depressed - why?

Baneful Magick, Curses & Vampirism
#1

I’ve studied vampirism for about 8 years now. I know the process and I’ve had much success siphoning energy - I can feel and visualize it easily. Problem is that when I feed A LOT in one day – from a store or a classroom setting – I feel icky and depressed, heavy, sad. It is making me feel the complete opposite from what everyone says it’s supposed to make you feel: strong, alive, vibrant.

Am I doing something wrong - feeding from the wrong place? Not shielding? I do put the intention out there to only get good energy and I visualize the energy filtering to its purest state before entering my body but I still fill heavy and pessimistic after doing it. I feel sad or angry after feeding for no reason and I don’t know why…almost as if I somehow brought emotions on the energy even though I set the intention not to.

any tips or suggestions? thank you in advance

3 Likes
#2

when i first started with vampirism i had the same problems Ive had luck with a few things first I usually take the energy and bring it into myself but i keep the outside energy seperate almost like a ball in my solar plexus I will hold it there and whilst doing positive affirmations I will dissolve it slowly into my aura like it’s ripping it apart and if I still have problems I’ll turn it into fire energy and then absorb it after I’m no expert and I just might be bat shit crazy but it seems to work for me lol

2 Likes
#3

I would try to sheild and also cleanse the energy before having it enter you just as a double safety measure if you are not doing that. With the negative emotions you may be siphoning their feelings and not be aware of it. Its best to take pre- measures for the sake of purity with the energy because no matter your intention you may still siphon bad energy without being aware of it.

5 Likes
#4

Yes, run a search on here for posts with the word vampir (to include vampire, vampirism) by author E.A. - he has some good posts on this, I have to go do a thing so don’t have time right now to link and quote but I think you’ll find them worth reading. :+1:

(Actually, all E.A.'s posts here, and all of Timothy’s, are well worth reading.)

4 Likes
#5

@arcane might have some suggestions on this.

3 Likes
#6

Either one of 2 things

  • maybe you’re not filtering it properly in which case carry clear quartz withbyih and imagine what we energy you siphon pass through that crystal.

  • the energy you keep on taking needs an outlet as it’s simply accumulating to no end, the body has the metabolism which carry out energetic processes fairly efficient but you may be overloading it.

Next time try directing the energy to do something, direct it to a visualized thought or a spell or however which you choose and see how you feel afterwards

5 Likes
#7

That makes so much sense!

Thank you all so much!

2 Likes
#8

Beyond drinking poison through others, or over-exertion, it is also possible that you aren’t “built” for vampirism, and may need to make adjustements to yourself, to better drain, absorb, digest and use energy. In other words, you may need to edit your patterns, before vamping, especially doing so to a degree as aggressive as you are now. Many people out there try to do it for extra energy, domination, feeling stronger, revenge, or just to be edgy. But the Hunger, itself is one of the most powerful drives that the magician can experience.

Not everyone is born to feed in this way, some vampires are made.

6 Likes
#9

that thought did cross my mind - that I’m not built for vampyrism

maybe I’m forcing it because the first occult book that initiated my awakening/interest in studying magick was Father Sebastiaan’s Sanguinomicon.

Maybe out of my gratitude and love for the book and the vampyre culture for awakening me to occultism, I’m forcing a magickal practice on myself that I do not need.

And more evidence for that is that I never know why I’m vamping – I get inspired or I just feel like I want to one day.
I also feel like vamping when I’m relaxed in a room with lots of people and I just think to myself that there’s so much prana floating everywhere, might as well take some. But I guess this is just a habit I’ve gotten from reading Sebastiaan’s book so many times…

1 Like
#10

It’s very impressive to deal with something for eight years.
Many give up quickly, looking for new challenges, something better and more effective. I wouldn’t just give up.
Maybe you should think what you expect from yourself and do some sort of upgrade to a new level of Vampyrism.
As far as I remember, Catherine Deneuve in Hunger (Father Sebastiaan mentioned that movie in his book) expressed the richness and complexity of Vampyrism.
I don’t know your situation, but putting your magic in a different context should lift you up.

1 Like
#11

Is not built for =/= Is not made for

All that means is that it may take some time and changes to actually adjust to regular vamping, learn how to work better, and to benefit more from such. If I am telling anyone they aren’t built to do something, it means that their present states, or even their foundations, are not aimed at that specific area, which does not mean the skills, the gear, or the forms may not be developed.

To the hunter there are few things as motivating as the Hunger. Once that is experienced, the true mission of the vampire is revealed.

4 Likes
#12

Ardeth. At least that’s what Velotak used to refer to when I asked him about something like that. You’re a little like him, ya know?

He’s right though. You’ll need to make adjustments as you go.

3 Likes
#13

Ardeth, plural Ardetha, is indeed a term used to refer to someone who has been awakened to vampirism by way of ritualized action and intent. Though this is a predatory universe, that does not mean that we are all made to kill and feed on others or each other. Some are born, some adapt, some just do.

And vampirism here is a trivial example, because it is just that, an example. It is possible to become a lot of things, just about anything really, provided you’ve got the intent, strength and skill to.

3 Likes
#14

:ok_hand:

#15

thank you

I will try that out definitely

1 Like
#16

very good points

I haven’t heard the term ardeth used in years and I used to look down upon it but all that you said Arcane (and everyone else!) makes so much sense

All this sounds like the next epic challenge for me