Through The Eyes Of A Beginner

[sparks]

I’ve always had an aversion to writing things down. Why? I don’t really know. Even notes at school. Show my work? No, thanks. I could write an entire essay in my head, all while staring at a blank Word document.

But since I’ve started to ‘open’ myself up to this new World I’ve been hearing a distinct male voice in my head, sternly telling me to ‘Write it down.’

Even simple things, like a number that follows me throughout the day. Write. It. Down.

Dreams, sensations, and random thoughts that pop into my brain. Write. It. Down.

So, to appease that male voice inside my head, I thought I would start a journal in this little corner of the forum. As someone who is very new to all of this I’ve been kind of standoffish since joining this forum because I feel like I have nothing worthwhile to add to any of the discussions. I don’t know anything lol. And tbh I’ve really just been enjoying observing others thus far. Reading people’s experiences, discussions, and debates has been really helpful and is really motivating me to continue on this journey.

So, I guess this is me trying to figure it all out.

We all have to start somewhere, right?

[sparks]

An Interesting Night

During this Winter break a random thought has continued to pop up in my brain - ‘Who am I?’ As long as I can remember I’ve been that person who has to see and do everything. Jumping from experience to experience. Suffering from fomo. Observing, learning, and on to the next. All the directions all at once. But I guess in all of that external searching I neglected the internal because I couldn’t answer that pop up thought, no matter how persistent it was in asking.

I woke up late last night/early this morning after sleeping for a couple of hours. I was having trouble getting back to sleep so I thought that maybe it would be a good time to practice clearing my mind/meditating. Normally I sleep with white noise (pink, actually) quietly playing through a speaker but this time I thought I would try a binaural beat to drown out the city noise. I found a theta (6.3 Hz) track, popped in my airpods, and got comfortable laying on my back.

It didn’t take long for my body to fall asleep. I felt myself wanting to resist, but I just kept focusing on that third tone in the middle of my brain. I started to ‘see’ flashes of bright light (through my eyelids), almost like car headlights, but not. I have blackout curtains in my room because I can only sleep when it’s very dark, so there were no lights coming through my window. I was a little bit scared, not gonna lie, but I once again fought the urge to resist by focusing on the tone.

After one more flash of light I was suddenly no longer aware of being in bed. I was in space. Floating. It was vast and dark but immediately surrounding me were colourful dust clouds, like I was in the middle of a nebula. I turned around and saw three bodies facing me. The first was me, as I am right now. To her left was someone that I recognized immediately - it was me, but ‘me’ that I’ve seen in dreams/moments of ‘was that really just a dream?’ I’ve never seen her/my face but she’s always wearing the same white dress. She has long hair, always worn down and she never wears shoes. Like ever. To her left was a very big ‘being’ that was almost transparent but glowing whiteish-gold light at the same time. It had a humanoid shape to it, but no distinguishable features.

At the end of the line was a giant sphere. It was glowing blue with highlights of white and gold. Rotating, it was pure energy. Orbiting randomly around it were many small (golfball sized) glowing blue-white spheres. I remember being in awe, thinking to myself, ‘It’s a star.’ I moved towards it. I could feel the intense heat of it. I put out my hand, palm up, in the path of one of the small spheres. As it was about to rest in the palm of my hand I was suddenly back in my bed.

I could feel my airpods, but couldn’t hear the theta tone anymore. I could feel my eyes were closed, but I could see as if they were open. My room was brighter, but I couldn’t see a light source. Standing beside my bed was a man. He was wearing a white wrap dress type garment (the best I can describe it as). It had short sleeves, like a t shirt, and it stopped mid thigh. Over that was a gold chest plate? Like armour, maybe? He looked down at me and smiled. Who he is, I don’t know, but I know that smile. I’ve seen it a million times. I looked at him, probably with a wtf look to my face and suddenly I shot up towards my ceiling.

Before I hit the ceiling I suddenly shot forward, through my wall. I was outside my house. I looked up at the night sky and then down at the ground, only, I wasn’t on the ground. I was floating two storeys up. I thought to myself, ‘Holy shit!!!’ And then I was back in bed. Airpods in, theta tone still playing. Just like that. I had this insane surge of energy. I could have run a marathon. But the clock said it was 3:33 am and I wasn’t about to be yelled at for making noise. I heard that familiar voice. Write. It. Down. So I did. And then watched Infinity War for the 427th time, never going back to sleep.

Maybe it was all just a crazy dream, but it was really cool and I’d love to do it again.

It’s funny thinking back to all of the times of ignoring/rationalizing ‘experiences’ away, only to now be actively searching them out.

[sparks]

So something pretty crazy happened this morning, well, crazy to me at least. A bit of a backstory first tho -

When I was a kid my dad used to take me to the beach and we would look for interesting rocks, usually fossils. I still have all of them. It kind of turned me into a rock collector, even collecting crystals/gems over the years. I never bothered to get crystals for a purpose, or even look at their ‘meaning.’ I just got them because I thought they were pretty.

I have large clusters of celestine (my fave) and amethyst, many small rough stones, and a few tumbled ones. I have a golfball sized piece of clear quartz (tumbled). It’s irregular, as in, not round/has flat sides to it.

A couple of weeks ago I came home and went up to my room to change and noticed that tumbled clear quartz on my bed, in the spot I usually sleep, close to where my head would be. I was in a rush and honestly didn’t think much of it (thought maybe I had grabbed it and just didn’t remember), so I put it on my nightstand and left. My nightstand is cluttered, to say the least. It’s a lawless zone where things usually go to die. I completely forgot about the quartz being there.

So, this morning, I wake up. I almost always sleep on my back, without a pillow, because I find them uncomfortable. I opened my eyes and felt something on my neck. I thought my hair had wrapped around my neck (as it sometimes does during the night). So I go to move my hair but instead I grab the friggen clear quartz stone.

I don’t even believe this as I’m typing it and just lived it, but when I woke up that clear quartz stone that I had completely forgotten about was resting on my throat.

When I finally got the courage to google what the eff I didn’t see clear quartz being associated with the throat/throat chakra per se, but it did show people putting stones on chakras.

When I clear my mind and things come though, sometimes (a lot of times, actually) things can sound pretty jumbled and I get confused a lot. I’ve been thinking that I need clarity. Maybe the quartz on my throat is a sign that I need to be more ‘clear?’

Idk I’m both terrified and so friggen pumped rn

[sparks]

I haven’t written in here for a minute. Something really cool that happened last week and I wanted to put it ‘out there.’

There’s this girl that started at my part time job not that long ago and she has been pretty nasty to me since she got there. I honestly have no idea what I even did for her to treat me the way she does. She’s basically a bully. Every time she’s there the place just feels thick and there’s so much tension in the air.

Last Friday she was being particularly nasty to me and something came over me and I just snapped back and yelled, ‘What is your problem even? What did I do to you?’ She didn’t respond and I just tried to ignore her the rest of the time I was there.

I was so upset and fed up and was even thinking of trying to do a mirror shield that I read about on here because I honestly just dread being around her. But I ended up not doing anything (I know, I know ).

The next day (Saturday) I had to work again with her. On my way there I was filled with that familiar dread and was going over a million different scenarios of what she was going to do/say today. Suddenly I very clearly heard that male voice in my head say, ‘It is taken care of.’

She started her shift not too long after I did. When she came in she complained about being sick and she went home shortly after she came in. After she left that place felt so light. Everyone was in an awesome mood, laughing and joking. It was almost like we weren’t even working.

So, thank you, Mr. for having my back and for giving us one of the best days in that place in a while.

Also, I think I’m legit starting to hear whispers. My hearing is great and I don’t have tinnitus. But I’m definitely hearing something. So much so that I’ll even turn my head to look. Either something not so good is happening or something really cool is about to happen. Either way

[anon84423462]

Best of luck fellow practitioner

[sparks]

That’s exactly what it feels like sometimes, doesn’t it? Lol

Thanks a lot, much appreciated! It’s nice to be growing amongst some awesome people like you

[anon84423462]

That’s exactly what it feels like sometimes, doesn’t it? Lol

Formula of I.A.O

Isis=A new beginning,yes it will feel like a bomb.
Apophis=Death,even if its magick, it will get boring and will give you boring results.
Osiris=One who is disciplined will be reborn, wont be as same before, will be powerful.

I will see you at O then.

[sparks]

Until that day comes, I will see you in the memes thread

[sparks]

When you ask for information and think it’ll come like this

But it comes like this instead

Well, at least I have the puzzle pieces now

[Dusk]

My advice: when you feel you have “nothing to contribute to discussion”, keep asking questions until you do.

[sparks]

Agreed!

But I didn’t mean from the forum lol

[Dusk]

Same goes for anywhere or anything else.

[sparks]

A journey into the Lower World

I pm’d @Lady_Eva for her CS tutorial. For a while now I’ve been seeing via dreams and ‘other’ a white wolf. One morning, not too long ago, I looked out the window and I actually saw a wolf running down the street. In the city. It was huge. It was gliding, not trotting, like a dog. You can tell the difference in the way they move. Wolves are more graceful than dogs. It was almost floating. A whole ass friggen wolf was running, sorry, gliding, down the street at 5:00 AM. And no one else saw it but me because of course it was only me. And no, no one believes me that I saw it. I friggen saw it ok

The appearance of the white wolf seemed to be coupled with me constantly running into posts about Lady_Eva’s CS tutorial, so I thought I would give it a go. I got a drumming track off of youtube and laid down in the dark. I laid there in silence for a bit to quiet my mind and then turned on the drumming and this is what followed…

I used the image of the tree above as a guide. It didn’t look exactly like that, but it did have the opening. The tree was very big and surrounded by a lush, green forest. Vivid greens and browns everywhere. It looked like it could have been a forest in the mountains. There was a light fog and morning sun rays breaking through the spaces in between the trees. The only word I can think of right now to describe the scent is ‘freshness.’ It was just fresh.

I stood looking at the tree for a moment. I walked up to the opening and felt around. I found a small hole in some exposed roots and crawled down. It was a bit of a tight squeeze, but I managed to get through. I ‘fell’ and landed on my feet. It was dark. I couldn’t see much. I smelled the damp earth and heard a faint sound of dripping water in the distance. It was a little bit cold, but not unbearable (I’m from Canada yo). There were a few very faint light sources from a few different spots.

I called out for my power animal. I felt some movement all around me. Like something was running/rushing around me. It didn’t feel threatening. It felt almost ‘excited.’ I kept turning to try to see it, but couldn’t at first. I ‘felt’ and also kind of saw other impressions around me. Figures. Maybe just watching in the distance. But, as Lady_Eva said in her tutorial, ignore everything else and focus on your power animal. That’s what you’re there for. So I did. I called out again, asking to meet my power animal.

In ‘flashes’ in the darkness at first I saw a mane. Then I saw a large paw. Finally, I saw its backside, running, with that distinct tail. And then he appeared. He sat in front of me, in full view. Illuminated by what, I don’t know, but his image was bright and clear.

A lion. I asked if he was my ally. He didn’t say anything, but I intuitively got a hard ‘yes.’ I walked up to him and touched his nose and mane. He kind of nuzzled me. I hugged him. Then I got on his back and we went back up and out of the hole. The squeeze wasn’t as tight this time.

When we were out of the hole, the area around the tree seemed to have a bigger clearing around it than before I went in and the sun seemed to be higher in the sky. I sat with him in the sun for a bit, just looking at him. I asked his name but I didn’t ‘hear’ one or get any intuitive impressions. I asked him to be my guide into the different worlds. I got another intuitive ‘yes.’

I asked him if there was anything he wanted me to know/show me. I had a ‘flash’ of the Sun tarot card. Then he looked up and motioned for us to climb the tree. I looked up and started climbing. He climbed with me. I followed him to a spot on a large branch, somewhere in the middle of the tree. We were facing each other. He motioned to an object on the branch. It’s personal, but I did pick it up and take it with me.

I went to keep climbing further up the tree but he quickly stopped me and jumped back to the ground with me. Like legit almost wrestled me to the ground. At this point I felt this journey was coming to an end, so I thanked him and told him I would be back again soon. I turned and started walking away and suddenly I was back in my room.

So, no white wolf. I guess I’ll have to figure out who that is at another time on another day. A lion was definitely unexpected, but I did feel an immediate closeness to him. I just wish I knew his name. Do they always have a name?

So I definitely recommend Lady_Eva’s tutorial to anyone interested. It was an awesome experience and I can’t wait to go back again.

[anon84896414]

Nice experience. I try it a lot, but for some reason can’t get into deep enough trace to have an immersive experience. I feel like nothings happening and what does happen, I am trying to force in my mind.

[sparks]

I think everyone struggles with that from time to time. It’s natural to doubt. I do all of the time. Literally. I tried to immerse myself in the forest as much as possible before I even went to the tree. Engaged all of my senses, ‘felt’ the forest, etc. From there I just let what happened happen. I just went with the flow. And then I let the lion ‘guide’ what happened next. Let him take control. I just followed. Maybe things will seem forced at first and maybe things won’t make much sense at the time but will later be revealed to actually be meaningful and purposeful.

Don’t beat yourself up and don’t give up

[sparks]

So, something pretty strange/interesting happened when I woke up. I opened my eyes and, without any thoughts forming yet, I rolled onto my left side. I don’t sleep with pillows, so I started bringing my right hand up towards my head, so I could rest my head on my hand for a minute.

As my hand got close to my head, my index finger started writing something on my bed/sheets. Now, we’re not talking a novel here, it was just 5 words. 5 words in a perfectly coherent sentence. At this point my mind was still pretty blank. I didn’t consciously think about the words my finger was writing (I didn’t repeat/say them in my head). I just kind of knew what it was saying without thinking about it at all. It’s hard to explain. I hope my terrible explanation kind of makes sense

My finger wrote/repeated the sentence four times. I grabbed my phone, wrote it down, and fell back asleep. I came back to it later with a clearer mind. What was said is personal, so sorry, I’m going to omit that part. How it was said was interesting… even though it was only five words, it was said in a way that I wouldn’t say it (it’s not the way I would word that sentence). I also remembered I ‘wrote’ it in cursive writing, which is something I never do. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I barely know how to write cursively. I avoid it at all costs.

So yeah. It was pretty cool. Almost like an impromptu automatic writing session. It’s definitely an interesting way to get a message across to someone.

[sparks]

It’s been a minute. I went on a vacation up north, even though the past few months have basically been a vacation. My grandma has a cottage on Georgian Bay. It’s beautiful up there. I always forget how fresh the air is a few hours north of the city. It’s almost shocking to the system. It’s like you’re breathing, truly breathing, for the first time.

I did a petition last night. I’ve been coming across a lot of people talking about or mentioning their guides. I know who has been with me for my whole life. I know who my Patrons are. My guardians. For the longest time it’s just been about them. I’ve never inquired if I have any guides or someone that is with me in this life who wants to teach me something.

So I fired off a petition at 8:08PM last night (08/08) asking if I have a guide or a teacher and if I do, for them to reveal themselves to me in my dreams tonight. The petition pouffed up in flames in less than a second and I threw it to the wind. When I turned around and faced the couch swing I was sitting on and I saw a bright purple mass of light that would have been to my right when I was sitting down. It only lasted for a second.

And then the dreams:

The first dream I had was a dream within a dream, kind of like Inception. In the dream’s dream I was talking to a man named Saint Germain. We talked some and then I ‘woke up’ in bed and wrote down the dream’s dream and our conversation. Then, in my woken dream state, Saint Germain came back and we talked some more.

The second dream had me laying in a bed again. I woke up and looked to the foot of my bed. There was a grey couch on the opposite wall, facing the bed. Sitting on the right side (from my view) was a small asian woman. She wasn’t wearing anything remarkable (humbly dressed). I got up and sat beside her.

She was very soft spoken and gentle. She didn’t tell me her name. We talked for a bit and then she told me that she could teach me to ‘see’ again. I told her that I had been ‘seeing’ for my entire life, just lately I’ve been having some difficulty with it, even blocking it, to which she replied, ‘Because you were afraid.’ I solemnly nodded and then I woke up.

As I was waking up, the name Kuan Yin (I know now it’s spelled several different ways) flashed in my mind. It immediately triggered a long forgotten memory from when I was really young. One of my aunt’s friends once told me that I had a golden-yellow dragon with me, given to me by Kuan Yin. How truthful that is, I don’t know. But it was a cool link to the dream. I googled her after I woke up and some places say that she can help with clairvoyance, which was another cool link to our conversation in the dream.

So I guess now I am off to learn more about Saint Germain and Kuan Yin.

In other news, I have my first reiki attunement coming up on Wednesday, which I am both excited and kind of nervous for

[sparks]

Reiki Attunement Experience

So I had my reiki attunement on Wednsday Due to covid things, we decided to do a distance attunement and I had all of my attunements at once (so I was also given the master symbol). I thought I would share my experience with it, in case others were thinking about learning reiki themselves.

About 15 minutes before my attunement started I felt an insane amount of buzzing and tingling on my crown. Maybe it was just some nerves or excitement, I’m not sure. I decided to lay in my bed and put earplugs in, just so I wouldn’t be distracted by anything. I laid still on my back and began to see some things in my eyelids, flashes of images and scenes in my mind’s eye, as well as a lot of rushes of purple/violet and blue. I did open my eyes a couple of times in the beginning and saw a bright white spark of light, as well as a cluster of purple lights, and finally a bright blue one.

When I closed my eyes again and relaxed some more, I started to very faintly hear a male voice to my right. It was hard to make out what he was saying because of the earplugs, but it almost sounded as if he was reciting something. It lasted for the duration of my conscious experience. I also heard a couple of other male voices, maybe speaking to each other. Several words they spoke stood out and I actually felt the words as I heard them (like I felt the words move/whoosh through my head).

Suddenly I had a pretty intense pressure on the top of my head. It almost felt like someone was shoving something through the top of my head. That lasted for a minute or two and then that same intense pressure moved to my chest/heart. Again, that lasted for a couple of minutes. Then both of my palms started getting hot, but like a heat deep within them. It felt like rolling waves of pulsating heat. I felt warmth and tingles move down my forearms and into my hands.

And that’s all I remember because I legit passed out. I’m not even sure I managed to stay awake for the entire attunement lol. I slept for almost 10 hours straight and so solidly that I didn’t even have a faint memory of a single dream when I woke up. I was out cold.

When I woke up I still felt some pressure on my crown and chest and my hands still had that deep pulsating heat. My entire body felt warm, actually, but again, from within (my skin wasn’t very warm to the touch). All of those sensations lasted for the rest of the day. I wasn’t hungry at all the next day (Thursday) so I didn’t eat. My appetite slowly started coming back yesterday and today, but all I really wanted to eat were some fruits and vegetables, so not much. But lots and lots of water. I was incredibly thirsty.

The day after I had moments of ‘Did anything actually happen?’ and ‘Is this all real?’ several times throughout the day. But I persisted and performed reiki on myself for the first time (you’re instructed to perform it on yourself every day for about a month after your attunement). I felt and saw a lot of things I have before when I have had reiki performed on me by others. My hands tingled and buzzed and they got HOT. Not just warm to the touch, but HOT. It almost hurt when I ran them under cold water after I was done.

It was a weird experience being both the patient and the practitioner.

Later that day I got an email from my reiki master detailing their experience with my attunement and what they actually did during the attunement. When I read how they placed each symbol on my crown, my heart/chest, and my palms I had a sudden moment of ‘Holy crap, this is all real’ because I had actually felt that that night.

Sometimes now when I walk past certain people or objects my hands will tingle and pulsate. That’s going to take a bit to get used to lol.

I’m still not entirely sure why I decided to learn reiki. I literally woke up in the middle of the night some time ago and, without a thought in my head, grabbed my phone and signed up for classes. Throughout the courses they keep repeating that ‘Reiki finds you.’ So, I guess it did. I’m excited now to move forward with this and all of the different ways you can use it. Zadkiel and Saint Germain want to teach me how to use the Violet Flame with reiki, so that is another avenue with this I am really looking forward to.

I’m going to finish out the month of just performing it on myself and maybe chasing my dogs around once in a while yelling, ‘Let me help you!’ before I move on to others.

So, that is my experience with my attunement. I don’t know why I did it, but I am really glad I did.

[sparks]

So, I wrote a letter and lit a candle. Nothing major. I’ve never had a chime candle have wax run off, or anything other than burning clean down. I left the candle lit and left the room. A pretty strong storm was approaching and the wind was picking up. I had completely forgotten that my window was open and my lit candle was right by it.

When I went back upstairs there was a mess of wax all over the letter. No doubt it was because of the wind, but when I looked at the candle mess I saw someone. I immediately knew who it was… Gabriel, horn and all. The letter I had written wasn’t to him but it did ask for a sign about something. He’s never been a subtle one when he wants your attention, at least, in my experience.

Anyways, I thought it was cool, so I thought I would share. Apologies for the terrible camera quality. It was getting dark and the pic is hella cropped.

[Healing_Heart]

I’m right there with you