I’ve never physically died, although on the forum I have mentioned an event that could probably count as a Spiritual Death. I was younger (16) when I had a dream that not only felt very real, but could almost have been counted as a near-death experience (there was a lot that happened prior to and during the dream that made me conclude this was not improbable). It was not only a dream where I fell up a flight of stairs and tried to end my life by going through a door, but Death Herself told me it was not my time.
It’s not uncommon for people to confirm their beliefs, see wonderful things or feel at peace upon death, or near-death. But I didn’t believe in anything when I was younger; I was a self-proclaimed atheist who thought life was empty. Literally. It seemed strange for people to keep going (to me, at the time). So why was it that a beautiful black-and-white robed skeleton with red jewelry and a staff of iron and fire and an owl on her shoulder appeared before a helpless child of a person who wanted both more than to die? Potential. Potential can be deterred in the right direction if the mind is persuaded. I was very surprised later on that the spirit I communed with was La Santisima Muerte, the Seducer to a path that I could choose. I can’t see it another way; there was too much similarity in how the Pretty Girl was described and how she appeared to me in her glory, as the Protecter, Death Herself and Seduction Manifest. The Angel, the Reaper and the Saint of Whores, to but it another way. It was my occult experience before my occult awakening.
She also allowed me to ask her questions. Somehow, asking them (questions about what will happen if I continue to live, if a higher power exists, and why I can’t die now) let me live more fully. She told me that I have the choice to decide for myself if “God” exists, that my early death would mean I cannot become beyond Death, and if I return, prosperity would come once I suffered enough to open my eyes.
I can see what she meant now; pain is a fact of life no one can avoid. It doesn’t matter what kind of pain it is or if you can’t feel it now; the purpose of life is to find a road that lessens pain once it starts. Shortcuts used, are used to avoid the journey. Because energy is recycled, the journey still needs to happen beyond Death, and to physically die before time would hinder your development. This is where Spiritual Death comes in.
A person can die a thousand times spiritually and it would be as if they lived a thousand lives beyond thier vessel. The purpose of Spiritual Death is to absorb the experience of being renewed, without needing to renew all yourself. Parts will die, but the vessel will morph to fit the reincarnated parts. Spiritual Death can happen spontaneously (as in what happened in my dream) or gradually (such as applying a new philosophy upon your practices, and separating yourself from the general masses).
Spiritual Death, then, is a way to ease pain by becoming new, such as physical death is the process of eleminating the system of emotions to recycle the pieces (spiritual and mundane) for new life. It won’t last forever, but it lasts long enough that it might as well be reincarnation of the soul. Death is never something to fear. Grieve of death is only felt when someone familiar has to go. Death that is painful, although frowned upon, is at least merciful in the respect that the victim will not recount the pain for life. Death makes us strong enough to live in relative joy. Celebrating the fact nothing lasts forever is the celebration of change - something we forget all too often.
I’ve been reading more about death, and thinking about it, since my cat had been put down this spring. Ironically, he was named Osiris (he was an Egyptian Mau). I don’t regret giving him that name, living with him since I was a kid, and crying after he died. I felt his heart stop and the room was empty; he was gone, but at least his pain was along with it. If anything, I needed it to remind myself I was a strong person, and not even death should stop me from becoming the person I will become. I want to be the kind of woman who people can look up to as a wise-one; but I want those who look up to me in awe also look to death as a motivator; those afraid of death are also afraid of life.
Thank you, La Chica Blanca. Thank you, Osiris. Thank you, Satan. All three of you helped me get here. I will never regret having all of you in my life. Death is my ally, but it is so in Life. Hail Thyself.