I find it ironic that Belial insisted I come out of the closet. Or rather, he said, if you do X, then you will have to come out, I’m like okay, sounds fun.
I’m an empath anyway, so I don’t need poverty to be more empathetic. I have a hard time not putting myself in other peoples shoes no matter how awful they are. Sometimes I feel like my empathy is what makes me a bad person.
Okay…
If i tell you I saw your name in my dream last night, and now i just saw a member in balg exists with that name…
While im struggling for months to find out how can I create my own path according to my potential. Blockages and issues everywhere…
And i was wondering is your story related to my life…? Should I work with Belial too…
But from the other side, i can’t hear and communicate properly yet with the spirits…
Im sorry for my rambling, im so amazed by your words , by whole you.
Thank you for posting this 
Ok:
This concerns me. You’re talking about unconditional love and light, but cannot be around the people you’re supposed to love.
Maybe you can explain a little bit more.
And what exactly is that? Nobody has unconditional love, not even Jesus. Remember when he raged in the temple?
And I also wonder what makes you think the meaning of life is unconditional love. Does any living being practice that?
What concerns me most is that your story includes a few extremes you are trying to justify.
You are a beginner - and you can heal people at the spot.
You think unconditional love is the meaning of life - yet you cannot be around people because they feel off.
You think the one who fight for the light are hiding and the ones who control the earth are dark - Why are they hiding, too then?
You say good and evil don’t really exist - but you equal light with good and dark with evil.
Most skillful practitioners of any art don’t hide. They are not in it to brag or for fame. They got that far cuz they let go of ego or superficial reasons of power/fame/guru. They are out in the open doing their thing solo in low key manner. That’s why their magick works. They don’t go disclosing their magick so it can be undone by others. Unless they have purpose to train practitoners to pass on to new generation, they are low key. Most people won’t understand or accept that they do magick so they keep to themselves. they are not hiding on purpose.
Now I have a few questions for you as well… You say you have the ability to heal people and or animals on the spot easily, and also manifest money out of no where and many other extraordinary things as well… But you need a mentor to teach you about magick. That go’s against what you claim because if you have all of these abilities you would need no mentor because you already have the knowledge to do these things. Now I’m not saying what you say is not true but you’re contradicting what you claim to be able to do… A mentor would only hold you back on your spiritual growth because yours is so much faster and easier to be had with sheer force of will. You’ve only been working with magick for a year and you want to mentor others as well… If you’ve only been working with magick for a year you’ve haven’t even got your feet wet because there is so many different aspects of magick that it takes a lifetime to understand their very fabric to get a grasp of there inner most workings to better ones life and even then you realize you’ve barely scratched the surface of these ideas of a great many other magicians that have come before you and have made great leaps and bounds in their own personal gnosis to be able to speak with some type of authority on the subject… Others have touched on the love , hate ideas that you’ve posted about that I won’t broach the subject further. I’ve been a practitioner of magick for most of my life and yet I still have just a small bit of infinite knowledge that is out there to be learned and shared. Now I hope and wish you well in all your endeavors in your journey and in life but just remember this;of all things when it comes to magick you never truly know and or understand all there is because magick is like the oceans , many different currents, riptides and just a vast amount of space that can never be fully grasped at least not in ones own lifetime. I wish you well my friend…
I am going to respectfully disagree with that: what OP describes are what are called “siddhis” aka supernatural, even godlike, magickal abilities.
These are found along the Right-Hand Path, when seeking merger with one’s own image of the All, and aspirants are told to shun them, as they get in the way.
A person can literally be healing the sick and finding lost items by clairvoyance, manifesting left, right, and centre, and seeing the future like it was on TV, and STILL be told to cease, and return to their studies.
This is only unbelievable if you’ve not walked that path, but I have (and posted about it) and I can also affirm that the siddhis in themselves can destroy people IF they’re just left to run wild. I suspect the extreme lows in the OP’s recent past were caused by the same energy that caused these abilities, and I say that because something like that kinda happened to me, years ago.
Magick is not a steady slow progression through enough reputable masters until finally, at the pinnacle, you can manipulate the physical world. That’s Harry Potter shit, moving the manifest around like w00t, you’re kind of a big deal.
It’s actually almost the byproduct of a half-suicidal, half-megalomanic, half-ecstatic spiral and dance and lurch and stumble and orgasm towards realising that you, and ONLY you ARE the All, ARE God - are a face, a prism, a shard of the God, and that the God is in you, is observing you, and permeates you, and finally, that you are also the All/God.
“Become a living god” is both a catchy title but also, it caught my eye because it’s the road map, and various types of magick are the different destinations along that route.
And everything about it is as full of paradoxes, messiness, and contradictions, as the three “halves” I just named, which no doubt caused a few people to blink! 
But while they sound cool, the “distracting siddhis” are just psychosis and self-doubt waiting to hijack you if you don’t go all the way, and can backfire, which is what a magickal burnout is.
Does this mean all magick has to be RHP? No - that realisation can be found through other routes.
Does this mean OP needs a guru, sackcloth and ashes, hours spent fasting? Not unless they groove on that stuff.
But just being able to play a few tricks with manifest matter doesn’t mean OP needs no mentor, or is lying, because having all your shit figured out comes automatically with magickal powahs. It REALLY does not!
By saying this:
… @Makkos is acknowledging something often observed on here: that most people want power to fuck others up, to swipe an app and delete anyone who makes them have bad feelings, yet they’ve not dealt with their own issues in any way, and would be completely unable to handle the world their own messed up psyches would create, if they operated at that level of creative power.
A lot of very reputable magicians have recommended counselling, therapy, and insight methods, so that when the mind gets turned up to full manifesting ability, it won’t manifest for that person (and their loved ones, and their community) the same self-hating crud that currently lurks inside.
So, I’m buying this - it seems like the kind of thing I’ve seen to happen to people on the RHP (and they can make it even worse by trying to renounce life, which is a whole other topic), fairly rapid onset of siddhis, which in themselves are pretty emotionally destabilising, and yet still needing to find a way to balance those out. 
I agree with this to some extent, though with large amounts of added caveats.
Anway thank you for sharing your journey, I found points I relate to and points that fit what I’ve also observed for others, and I hope you find your mentor soon. 
Oh wow, I just realised that I woke up tonight, read this thread, typed my answer while I was half asleep and went back to sleep right after. 
However, I’m not trying to discredit your whole experience OP, but I found some inconsistencies that make no sense to me, and I’d be interested if you could explain them a little bit deeper.
I am not sure what to tell you. If you feel as though Belial is beckoning you to come forward then by all means take the leap and work with this awesome King. He can most definitely help you identify and destroy any blockages you have but you will be tried and tested until it feels like you cannot continue. And then when you break through this barrier you will begin your ascension.
I am in no way obligated to be around people with low vibrations that will only bring mine down with them. I can love somebody without being a sacrifice for them. Yes, I love these people, but this does not mean I shall become a doormat for them or sacrifice my well-being in a poor attempt to “save” them or prove that unconditional love is the answer. I can show these people what unconditional love is but sometimes they are not ready for it or are not willing to work on themselves and therefore I must watch from a distance lest I am brought down to their level. We saw this very clearly with Jesus. He preached unconditional love and yet it was the very thing that led to his destruction. I refuse to repeat his mistakes.
Unconditional love is affection without any limitations. It is love without conditions. Unconditional love is everlasting just like the universe and consciousness. Everyone has unconditional love. It is what we are made of. It is the pure essence of our souls. We were not bred through hatred but love. I have never met a toddler or child who has a cynical view of the world. You don’t see toddlers attacking, killing, or destroying other people out of hate. Children are proof that unconditional love is the truth. It is only when children are subjugated to manmade ideologies and opinions that unconditional love is locked away. However, most people are not children and do not “feel” unconditional love because they are blocked by something and/or someone (the ideas or experiences that were forced upon them as children). Most of the time they were either abused or betrayed by someone in their lifetime or in a past life and therefore refuse to believe in unconditional love. They ask themselves, “How could unconditional love be real if x treated me poorly? Why should I love somebody if they treated me in such a poor way?” I say to them; it is not your enemy’s fault. It is your fault for the way you feel. You decide how to react. And you choose to react hatefully. You choose to believe that you deserve this suffering. You choose to brood over this person and let their actions dictate your emotions day after day. You choose to ignore acceptance. Now you will say to me, “No, this is false. I accept what happened to me but this does not mean that I should forgive this person. They deserve to burn.” And this is exactly what is holding back humanity from reaching its full potential. It’s interesting to note how many people live in a victim mentality but yet they wonder why they struggle with relationships, trust, etc. They don’t love themselves unconditionally, so how can I expect them to love others unconditionally? I can only hope and pray that more and more people wake up to this eternal truth, and yet I don’t need to hope or pray because this is all coming to pass regardless. I’m afraid that those who refuse to acknowledge this truth will be left behind in agony and torment. You will punish yourselves.
I am not trying to justify anything. I never once said this is the end all be all truth of the world and you need to believe me or you shall suffer. No. I even stated in my first post that this was my own opinion knowing that there would be many non-believers like yourself. You will not understand my truth until you experience it for yourself. I will say that I had to walk through the valley of hatred and destruction to come to my understanding. I shall never declare my reality is the truth for all realities are subjective. The only reality I know to be true is mine, and the only reality you know to be true is yours. Ah, what a lovely paradox.
Would you like me to claim that I am a master sorcerer simply because I can heal people on the spot? Is healing limited to only the most powerful magicians? Or should I not be humble concerning my abilities? What exactly are you getting at with this statement?
All fighters from both sides are hiding. They are biding for time. Imagine if the most powerful people in the world admitted to practicing witchcraft. Would there not be the biggest revolution this planet has ever seen? Again, there is no reason for either side to come out of the broom closet. They would only be punishing themselves. If the lightworkers reveal themselves they will be destroyed by both the darkness and common folk. They don’t stand a chance. And yet if the darkness reveals itself the common folk will revolt and the lightworkers shall move swiftly. Whoever reveals themselves at this point in time shall suffer. Do you understand the paradox? Now is not the time for either side to fight. But the time is coming soon.
I never once stated that light was good or dark was evil. I claimed that there is no such thing as good or evil but there is love and hatred. We can argue about “good” and “evil” all day, but the fact of the matter is this Earth is run by a paradox. There are two contradicting opposites that keep this place rotating. You can call it black or white, good or evil, light or dark, life and death but the point is there is a universal paradox that is driving this earthly realm as we speak. We would not survive HERE in THIS PLACE if there was no paradox. The new world that humanity will ascend to is pure love. There will be no death. There will be no paradox. There will be no suffering. There will be no planet Earth. There will only be the truth: unconditional love.
Is not doing their thing solo in a lowkey manner the same as hiding? Why do they need to do it in such a low key manner? You start off your statement saying that most skillful practitioners don’t hide, but then at the end of your statement you claim they are not hiding on purpose. So which one is it, my friend? Are they hiding or not? The only thing I can agree with is most people won’t understand or accept magick therefore causing magicians to hide. That was my whole point as well… Almost 100% of occult authors and practitioners use a fake name or alias… Why? Why don’t they come out of the broom closet? You yourself said they don’t hide, so why are they hiding their names? Why are we all hiding our names through a username? It goes back to lack of acceptance by the common folk and fear.
I must first say that this argument did not make much sense to me. Yes, I have the ability to perform magick successfully. How exactly would a mentor be holding me back? I could most certainly figure things out for myself. The purpose of a mentor is to gain a different perspective and maybe even learn at a faster rate than if I was working solo… Think about like this: a basketball player knows how to play basketball. He can dribble and shoot the ball, and maybe even run plays. He should be able to play the game all by himself and he can, and yet all basketball players have a coach. Why? Why do they need a coach if they can play the game themselves? It’s the same concept in magick and all other areas of life.
This is exactly why I am seeking a mentor… There is so much more for me to learn… The more I know the more I know that I don’t know. Again, having a mentor is having another perspective. This person would know more than me therefore broadening my magickal abilities and perspectives at a faster pace than if I was studying alone.
You have just opened my eyes even wider… and the chills will confirm it. Thank you for this revelation.
How do I go all the way? This statement is resonating within me and I need to know how to continue with or without a mentor.
Again:
Thank you.
You’re completely right.
I was just wondering. Not being able to be around “95% of the people”. Many might not agree with me, but 95% of the people are not like that. Most people are doing the best they can to be what they consider a “good person”. Some might not succeed so well as others, but they try their best, they really do.
What is “hate”?
I see toddlers attacking other toddler out of envy on a daily basis.
Children love their parents without conditions, because their very survival depends on them. They love them even when they abuse them, because without them their death would be certain.
This kind of love is not my ultimate goal, no.
I’ve walked through that vally as well. 
But I still came to a different conclusion. Like you said it yourself, nothing makes your conclusion better than mine, and vice versa. So I don’t see why this should make me a “non-believer”. You believe in unconditional love, I believe in something else.
No, I’m not trying to say only “master sorcerers” can do this. I was simply picking things you presented, that seemed like opposites to me. Opposites not because it is impossible for a beginner to heal others, but because I wanted to understand how you view yourself.
You call me a non-believer, but I disagree.
I believe in this place.
*But since this is your journal, I’ll not derail it any further.
doing magick solo don’t mean your hiding. If someone were to inquire they do magick, they won’t deny it. They not going to actively promote they are doing magick. They are just not loud who want attention like all them sexual preference/racism folks that likes to be loud wanting attention and approval/acceptance.
doing magick with username isn’t about hiding. it’s for protection. You know how many crazies on this site that baneful curse for fun?
Hail Belial. He is indeed tough, but extremely supportive despite circumstances being made unpleasant.
The interesting part, is that while things are falling apart, you can already sense and feel how down the road things will be rebuilt better than they were before.
Beelzebub and others are to thank personally for that.
Reading your journal hit home for me a lot, especially about the feeling of being lonely.
Most humans on this planet don’t understand this stuff, or even care to know about it.
I make music and weave the occult into my rap and business, and most people don’t understand me.
As you have come to conclusion, we can use the power to not be “lonely”, but are those connections real? How do you know the people and relationships you summon are real? Should you tell the loved ones you bring into your life you conjured them magically? lol
Ascension of the species. That is the mission and yeah sometimes it’s definitely lonely, but if it wasn’t lonely then that would mean you were living life in the herd and “normal”
I don’t want that either, so this is the price, so to speak, we pay to walk this path.
I… am reminded of maxwell, but good luck.
Some things make sense, some I agree with others, but this is a journal, so good luck.
I agree with this. It’s not necessarily the person that is bad. Most of them are actually genuine people inside, but their vibes are not genuine. They are living for something they don’t truly believe in themselves. I should have specified.
Hate is whatever you define it to be and in my case hate is the opposite of unconditional love. I agree that toddlers do in fact attack other toddlers out of envy, but then we would have to investigate their background and upbringing, and what is going on at the house where they live. We could go even deeper and say that if you put two babies together in a room they will probably love and play with each other rather than attack each other. We should have an experiment. Anybody willing to let us examine your baby for a while? (JK lol) Children may love their abusive parents for a time until they emotionally mature and realize this kind of behavior is not right. This is where hatred begins to takeover and the lot of mental/physical issues that come with it.
I am interested in hearing your stories as I feel this would benefit my ascension. As always I cannot simply argue for one viewpoint at all times without knowledge of the other side.
I, too, believe in planet Earth. I love this place. But the future is not here. This place will be destroyed one day; it’s inevitable. You aren’t derailing anything. Please, write whatever your soul is urging you to write. I don’t converse with many intellectuals so this is a very pleasant experience for me. I will never shoot down your writings for I believe that would be ignorant and narcissistic. How dare I claim that my opinion is right and yours is wrong?
I like this statement better than your first. It’s more concise and agreeable for me. I still do not accept the fact that powerful magicians will reveal themselves simply because someone asks. And yet maybe they do. For I revealed that I practiced magick to some who asked, but I do not consider myself a powerful magician. Or do I?
I agree 100% with this statement. I will not argue that it is for protection alone. But for the sake of argument: if one is a powerful magician why be concerned of curses and baneful works against oneself? Shouldn’t one be able to protect oneself rather easily? And yet this is not the case I suppose.
How do you know anything is real? “I think therefore I am” is not a statement that I agree upon. If reality is subjective then how can we ever prove anything is real? I personally believe that any relationships, opportunities, and connections we obtain through magick are as real as the sun that shines. But how do I prove it?
Very good Well said.
We are never truly lonely in this path. If you believe that we are all part of the same Oneness called consciousness or God then we are never alone but always connected. Yet somehow the majority of people are missing these concepts thus causing the ones who understand them to feel alone. Such an interesting phenomenon. Very good.
I do not know of Maxwell but would love to be informed. Thank you for your kind wishes. This is my journal and therefore cannot be proven by anyone but myself, but I have a feeling these words will resonate with the lot of you later down the road.
My children are two years apart, my younger brothers are 14 years younger than me and 9 months apart- so I witnessed their toddler years too…and I think nearly all parents with more than one toddler at time, no matter how great a parent they are, is going to disagree about this.
Agreed. Just like they’ll put a hand ontop of a hot burner on the stove- they don’t know.
No one can protect themselves easily if you got a person who put their life to curse you. You do not have the time or effort to waste on protection magick. The magician rather put effort on their goals instead of petty defense of other’s cursing them.
magick users don’t go around flaunting. they are careful who they tell. It’s called being cautious.
From your response, it seems your just making a bunch of excuses or wanting to understand by philosophizing. Instead of debate argument, Just focus on getting your magick geting results. Real magick users don’t care for other’s opinions or power. They care for results and talking about it don’t get results. They are practical focus.
Good luck on talking, pondering , and wondering instead of doing through experience which will answer all your questions.
Money is practically god of this world. I do love this perspective though and often think about it the way you do. But if you could easy switch or choose between being poor or rich, what would you pick?
You can easily be both. Any thoughts you cannot are pure delusion. Unfortunately, our own delusion can become reality if we allow it.
I never had to worry about my next meal, but I believe I am just as spiritually strong as one who has faced this dilemma. The secret is I am not attached to needing things like food (or I at least detach myself as much as possible from such worries). The bible is actually useful for things like this, like when Jesus says, “don’t worry about tomorrow or what you will eat/drink, etc”.
Buddhism also teaches one to detach him or herself from material possessions.
Great post.
If I wanted multiple sources of income, what should I do and who should I contact?
And to add, economic with their time and energy, instead of fending off others who would disagree and argue against what can be practiced.
The first post in this thread is me talking about the results I’ve gotten through magick… I don’t need to understand anything. Trust me; I’m good over here. I’m going to proceed studying and getting the results I want. I come here to conversate with other intellectuals and tell of my experience and how I perceive the world… I don’t need to debate anything. I asked for a mentor as it would benefit my learning. In fact, you were the one to post on my thread debating that most skillful practitioners aren’t hiding… Why post on here at all if you yourself are saying to focus on getting results… Aren’t you wasting “petty” energy by typing the few sentences needed to respond? 
Start by identifying your skillset and talents. Proceed to make a business. Call upon Belial, Halphas, and Bune to quickly build this business into an empire. There are also a ton of other entities you can call upon. I simply prefer working with demons.
My energy levels are through the roof so I could sit here and “debate” all day and still be fine. I shan’t lie though. I feel like an idiot debating my own journal to people who cannot experience my reality. What a waste of time indeed.