The Route of Self Hate

The route of self-hate is a tough one that many go through and have experienced. I´d characterize it as that helpless state of eternal damnation and cursing of oneself or others. Some people call it the dark night of the soul.

This usually happens after, during, or before, a GREAT shift in your energies, life, or magickal pursuits.

The Route of self-hatred can be linked to a cycle of cowardly behavior and fear related to one’s achievement, instability, or position in life (can also be a career or status).

A very common trend during this period is excessive binging, purging, and overthinking.
During this time a soul can feel completely and utterly helpless with little to pool desired emotions from.

Depression is common during this time as well as Mania.
You can feel like the champ who knows exactly how to go about life in one moment, acting aggressive and knowing what you want, then retreating confused, lonely, and sad the next with little to show as to why.

Many people report feeling out of touch with their goals, life, or parts of reality they want to experience. They also do not feel worthy or worth the effort they KNOW they COULD put in but instead (for some reason) automatically or continually procrasinate and not do the necessary steps to get out of the hole they find themselves in.

Now that we have Identified the problem of why me and you feel miserable lets look at some options to get the ball rolling and becoming productive memebers of the world/society (who actually enjoy being alive).

Gratitude - This is a big one and plays into the heart chakra, feel into your haert space when you think of things to be grateful for, it can truly be anything just make sure you are mindful and REALLY feel into the appreciate you may take for granted.

Simple Luxuries - This is a great hack for anyone who finds themselves in unwanted housing or feeling trapped, pick a thing you´d usually take for granted like cooking a meal, taking a bath, or cleaning your room. THEN, go over the top with it, act as a professional and give yourself THE BEST experience possible as a reward.

EXAMPLE:
Setting up a special ceremonial bath with tea, a good book, some music and a couple of intriguing videos. Be sure to take and extra long bath and reduce distractions. If you are going the cleaning route be sure to get your professional cleaning outfit on and think about how clean your space will look and how happy future you will be once present you has done a great job.

The name of the game here is to TREAT yo SELF but not with something super fast, it must be elaborate and special. Reserve this for really hard days or when you have free time and want a confidence boost!

Tears of a Clown - Tricking yourself into being happy, this starts with random dancing or any form of high energy workout that you DO NOT mind doing no matter how shitty you feel, make sure that no matter how crappy you feel you dance or workout.
Once you feel yourself sinking bounce back, dont wait for the sadness to hit, instead hit it.
Another way to do this is by smiling when you feel sad and forcing the smile even if you dont want to be smiling.

7 Likes
4 Likes

I know exactly what you are talking about. I thought it was just a phase, and being on the LHP, was just a phase, and no, I wasn’t really a satanist. At some point I would come back to religion, back to Christianity, and finally see the wisdom of my elders or something.
I thought maybe I could give up my over the top unrealistic goals, and do what I was supposed to do, find my true self, something that other people would be satisfied with when I found out exactly what I was supposed to be doing with my life.
Um, no.
I realized there isn’t so buried version of the self that will impress others and make them happy, there is just me and getting what I truly desire. So many people try to give up on things, because they decide its just not possible (even when it doesn’t even technically violate the laws of physics)

2 Likes

Good post, thank you :metal:

priceless words of wisdom