I have no one to talk to
I’m a pessimist nihilistic, I already have a plan to end it all & I really felt like I won’t reach 2020. It just doesn’t feel right. My very first suicide attempt was when I was 9 years old and had suicidal ideations since then, take meds when I was 17 but the meds made me feel something I’m not. I stop taking meds and been worse than before. I’m planning to make the remaining days of 2019 to be unforgettable and enjoyable so that maybe just maybe I get through 2019. I’m finding something worth while so that I can stay in this world, I just always felt like this isn’t my place to begin with. I wanna commit suicide and had powerful urges but I’m also afraid it won’t be a success and it’ll end up an embarrassment and will add up to all the things I’ve been carrying. This is also the reason I became interested with dark magic and spirits. I’m hoping something can help me get through this thing called life.
Damn, i wish I would have stumbled across this thread earlier. I will definitely bookmark it. Ive gone through boouts of depression for thirty years with no one to talk about it with.