I haven’t even, recorded in my personal records most of the last years working and occurrences. I’ve reached the point where it’s just part of life and while my practice has its own this makes it magical stuff, I still fly by the seat of my pants and live and breathe this stuff, particularly the energy workings.
We’ve managed as a family to have a few cherished members cross to the other side, and it has further deepened my personal shadow work, as well as my work with the dead.
Mine used to look real petty
Was the picture in the dictionary
Of the guy that wasn’t ready to grow up
And all it took was a last goodbye
A broken heart on borrowed time
And letting go of things that are hard to let go of
Now I love a little more, dream a little deeper
Leave all the leavers, keep all the keepers
Find peace of mind in the time the good Lord gives
I’ma cross one off, put two more on it
Say, “I love you” 'fore the moment’s gone
And never have to ask myself, “What if”
When I get to the bottom of my bucket list, yeah
I managed to be energetically present as one of these special members passed, and somehow several weeks before their sudden and unexpected death, this song came to me in reference to them specifically.
It also caused me to realize, I have lived like this, Sorta.
Three years ago this month, I found what it was to loose the only thing important to me, for the second time in this life.
For a long time, I lived like I was dying. But now? I don’t actually have a bucket list anymore.
You see, at first that kinda troubled me.
Oh shit. I’ve done it all. I’ve done everything I wanted, I have everything I dreamed of so… what do I have to live for now…
Now I have the answer to this, but it took me a minute to see it. It took a minute to realize it didn’t always have to be about me. My Bucket list may be done, but that doesn’t mean I can’t go all in supporting the person who is my everything and their bucket list.
It’s not giving up all my choices or any of my thoughts or anything like that, it’s quite simply I accomplished my dreams.
All I ever wanted was to be a good mom. Now we can debate this one all day long, but it’s a check mark in my box.
Then I just wanted to be loved by someone who loved me as much as I did them, and visa verse.
I struggled to find that one. The best friend plus spouses thing basically.
Then I didn’t really want to be… noticed, but I wanted to be good. At everything. Most recently and most continually my spiritual practice.
I ended up achieving that and some, I remember thinking I didn’t need the Become prolofic ritual from success magic… in fact even snooping my nose at the idea, but doing it anyways…
Turns out I have a love hate relationship with that successful aspect of life. I don’t really want to be the most known or famous or even rich, but…
I love helping people when I can, when I feel like it and I have time.
Lol most of those boxes don’t get checked for the forums, but in real life? Man. I love helping people fix their life’s and see the bigger picture and idk… stupid, ridiculous, probably conceited even- so can I get a point back for the fact I don’t look for these people at least?
Ok so back to my list. That best friend love box, it got checked too.
Then we get to being able to live comfortably.
Yep got that one checked too. Some months have been better than others monetarily but, we aren’t cold or starving ever so… check.
I don’t ever care what is on tv. Well rarely like once every six months I want to watch something…
I’ll eat anything.
I am Sagittarius so we all know I can do the on the fly shit, but I swear I found early in life, that life gives us plenty of impromptu moments to add lib into our life without me going and looking to make life spontaneous.
In fact, I find life much easier and I am happier when it’s simple, consistent and I know about stuff ahead of time so I can try to talk myself into wanting to do it…
So lol, basically we discuss everything, but I don’t have any dreams to chase, so I’m content to play sidekick for now.
This ramble probably doesn’t help anyone, but it’s where I am!
This one’s for momma :
